修改英文作文

Question

Here are some information about the activities between September and October.
In the beginning of September, there is an are exhibition about historical treasures og Egypt. It must be of great value to watch.
At the end of the same month, there is a free concert at the park, you can relax yourself by enjoying the music.
And it is sill said another tow activities. Remember to have a look ar it, and if you are interested in any of them, you can make a vote that you'll go or not.
練習寫的！請幫我改不通順的地方！

那是一個佈告欄上面寫的東西 = ="
tow打錯了是two

Answer 1

我來改改看,你可以參考
Here are some information about the activities between September and October.
首先information是不可數名詞,所以Be動詞用is. between通常指兩者之間,所以是兩個object的時候用,可是九月到十月是一段期間,因此改用during會比較好
In the beginning of September, there is an are exhibition about historical treasures og Egypt. It must be of great value to watch.
begining介係詞用at,there後面改成will be,因為是未來還沒發生,你在公佈的時候應該是事前公佈對吧!如果不是就另當別論. 多一個are去掉,og是of吧!你打錯,值得一看句子太過冗長而且句型不成熟窩.
At the end of the same month, there is a free concert at the park, you can relax yourself by enjoying the music.
開頭醬OK,there後面一樣用will be,接下來少連接詞所以you前面要加and,最後一句因為有點語氣不清,可以藉由享受音樂放鬆自我,但沒說清楚在哪,所以補上一個there在句尾,在那裡的意思,語意會比較完整
And it is sill said another tow activities. Remember to have a look ar it, and if you are interested in any of them, you can make a vote that you'll go or not.
and換成besides,不一定要besides,也可以換成In addition, Moreover, Furthermore...等等,只是besides比較短,it is said that的意思用在這語意不順,可是換成there+be動詞的句型又很膩,所以我就改成we still have... two拼錯,後面一句加一個please比較有禮貌,後面的to接look就可以,所以have a去掉. ar是at拼錯. it是什麼東西,這裡可以寫清楚一點. and去掉句子比較清晰, 前後主詞都you可以省略,vote本身可以當動詞,片語vote to do something. 把that改成to show,語意比較清楚,記得要用whether連接

稍微修正的答案(我沒改太多)
Here is some information about the activities during September and October.
At the beginning of September, there will be an exhibition about historical treasures of Egypt. It's worthy of visiting. (visit雖然也可以當名詞,但用動詞比較有力)
At the end of the same month, there will be a free concert at the park, and you can relax yourself by enjoying the music there.
Besides, we still have two activities. Please remember to look at it. If you are interested in any of them, please vote to show whether you will go or not.

我的一些意見:
1.內容稍為空洞,可以寫的更豐富一點
2.既然是一些公佈的事項,當然不會希望很冗長讓觀眾看很久,一定要用字跟句型精簡,能用5個字就能夠表達出自己想要的意思,就不要用10個字,當然還要視情況而定
3.很多字拼錯,是不是沒用心打,或仔細檢查
4.下一次可以把中文原文post上來,不然有點難判斷你的原意為何
5.英文裡面Be動詞算比較沒用的動詞,因為它本身單獨存在沒有意思,必須靠後面的object來賦予他意思,而且也是動詞裡面最沒有力量的,所以能用別的動詞取代就盡量用別的,除非必要
6.句型比較不成熟,可以多練習,會越寫越好的
7.我沒有改太多,盡量照你原本的去走,如果我來寫的話應該不會這樣寫,而且內容並不吸引人,尤其是concert,光是很籠統地寫你可以聽音樂放鬆,我想應該不會有什麼人想去吧!所以內容也要兼顧喔!
8.句子的開頭有很多種寫法,很多人寫完一篇文章,結果從頭到尾每一句的開頭不是I就是You不然就是he or she or it. 或是遇到有什麼東西就全部都用there+be動詞,降子會讓人讀得很膩,所以盡量做句型的變化

好的開始是成功的一半,加油吧!有問題請來信~~

Answer 2

首先 information 不可數，Here is the information about the activities during Sep. and Oct.
There is an exhibition of historic Egypt treasure.
At the end of the month, there will be a free concert in the park.
最後一段不懂，還有另外兩個活動嗎？如果有建議你寫出來。後面ㄉit是指哪個？直接用vote不要make a vote。You can vote for going or not going.

2006-10-17 21:19:31 補充：
對了，忘ㄌ告訴你，英文ㄉ標點符號要正確使用。逗號不能連接整個句子，建議你看看文法書。

Answer 3

Here are some information about the activities between September and October.
In the beginning of September, there is an are exhibition about historical treasures （of） Egypt. It must be （worth） to watch.
At the end of the same month, there is a free concert （in） the park, you can relax yourself by enjoying the music.
And it is sill（這我也看不懂） said another tow(這邊我看不懂） activities. Remember to have a look （with） it, and if you are interested in one of them, you can （have） a vote that you'll go or not.
我大概替妳把有錯的地方直接修改了，括號裡的單字是我認為正確的，我看不懂的地方，別人應該也都看不懂才對，也可能是我太淺了吧，很抱歉，只能幫妳到這邊而已。