我的英文作文不是很好，可以幫我改改看嗎？

Question

我是高三生，針對學測的作文現在才起步練習，但是困難重重，煩請大大相助
→題目：以"My Ideal Mate"為題，寫下120字左右的英文作文

My Ideal Mate

Choosing someone as Mr. Right is an important thing for every girl in her life, and I am no exception. Here I have
some requirements for my Mr. Right.

First of all, My Mr. Right should have a sense of humor. If he does not have any, it will be boring chatting with
him. However handsome he is, I will not like him. Then, we must have some hobbies in common. These hobbies
can make our kife colorful. Finally, the most important is that he should be cinsiderate. He should be understanding and always listen to me patiently. When I am sick, he can take care of me.

These are what I care most when choosing Mr. Right. I hope he will appear before me early. I think meeting him will play a special part in my life.

這篇有給老師修過2次了，尤其作後一段一直收的不好，還請幫忙><

空一大行是分段，跳字是編排的問題...我知道要把標題放中間、段落開頭空格...

Answer 1

First of all, he should have a sense of humor. If not, it would be boring chatting with him.

Then, we must have some hobbies in common, which could make our life colorful.

The last, and the most important, is that he should be considerate.

I hope he will appear before me soon. I think meeting him would turn to be one of the special parts of my life.

其實您寫的不錯, 平時看文章多留意外國人的表達方式以及中英文句結構的差異, 就會不斷進步.
加油!

Answer 2

My Ideal Mate

Choosing someone as Mr. Right and spend the rest of life with him is significant part for every girl in her life, and I am no exception. It is important that the Mr. Right I select has met the requirements, which does not include the outer appearance.

Firstly, my Mr. Right should have a sense of humor or at least be talkative at the appropriate time. If he does not have any of these, I will be filled with boredom. Secondly, we must have some hobbies in common, because the similarities of us would help us toward a more colourful life. Lastly, which is also the most important is that he should have consideration for me. He should be supportive and always listen to me patiently and take care of me when I am sick.

These are what I care the most when choosing the Mr. Right to spend the rest of my life with. I hope he will appear before me earlier in my life and meeting him will play a special part of my life.