請指點我的求職英文自傳…謝謝…（20點）

Question

我想找的是貿易的相關工作…
很久沒碰英文了…拼拼湊湊大概寫出一篇…
請大家給我指教糾正…謝謝…
　　My name is Nikki.I graduated from xx university.I have majored in finance and I am sensitive to numeral.I am interested in International trade because it is a challengeing industry. Now I learn correlative courses about international trade and English letters. Besides, I also take lessons in Japanese. Although I do not graduate in international trade, I still hope I can have the opportunity to join the industry.
　　While I was a student, I had participated in a club of school journal. I served as a administrative personnel and knew how to be serious in my works. Then, I had also joined Students’ union of my finance departmentalism. I served as a publicist and knew how to link up with people decently. Through the club activities, I also made a lot of friends.In my leisure time, I like traveling around to relax.
　　I had three working experiences.When I was in college, I had done two part-time jobs. One is about administrative matters and another is about marketing by　telephone.Although those were just short-run jobs, I had learned more in communicating and working with people.
　　Then I worked in a securities firm when I was a freshman in society.I worked in this job for two years.My work was accepting and finishing customers’directions.And I proved me to be professional to be trust by our clients.Those were really good experiences, and let me grow up.
　　I approach things very enthusiastically and I will be able to develop my own capabilities.Even though I am a freshman of the industry, I have a lot of confidence in my ability to see it through to the end.
　　I really aspire to join International Trade Industry and look forward to hearing from you soon.
　　Thank you for your precious to read my autobiography.
麻煩大家幫我看看哪裡用詞不合宜或有問題的…感激不盡…

Answer 1

My name is Nikki. I graduated from xx university. I majored in finance and I am good with numbers. I am interested in International trade because of its challenging nature. I am taking courses on international trade and English business writting. In addition, I am taking Japanese which might be helpful if a second language is required. Although I did not graduate with a degree in international trade, I still wish to join the field.
　　While in school, I had participated in school journal club. I served as an administrative personnel and learnt how to be serious at work. I also joined Students’ union of finance department. I served as a publicist and learnt how to network with different people. Through club activities, I was able to make many friends. In my leisure time, I like traveling.
　　I had three past working experiences. Two when I was in school, both part-time jobs. One I learnt administrative tasks while the other is telemarketing related. Although they were just part time jobs, I learnt how to communicate and to work better with people. I joined in a securities firm right after school as my third job. I stayed there for two years. The main duties of this job was accepting and finishing customers' directions. I was able to earn the trust of our clinets, many appreicate my professionalism. Those were really good experiences, and helped me grow professionally and as a person.
　　I am very enthusiastic about this opportunity and look forward to further develop perfessionally. Even though I am new to international trade, I have confidence in my ability to see it through to the end.
　　I am aspired to be part of International Trade community and look forward to hearing from you soon.
　　Thank you for your precious time to read my autobiography. Please let me know if you have any question.