英檢作文的內容評分

Question

今天考英檢，作文題目是Jack上星期六跟朋友一起在公園打棒球。
圖一：Jack和他的2個朋友在打棒球
圖二：一隻狗正在睡覺
圖三：狗的眼睛被球打到
圖四：狗追Jack和他的朋友跑(狗的左眼是黑色的)
我寫得做文如下
Last Saturday, Jack plyed baseball with his friends in the park.
When Jack hit a ball so far, the ball fell and hit a dog\'s eye when it was sleeing.
The dog woke up and it was so angry because its eye became black. The dog wanted
to bite Jack and his firends, they were(我原本可能寫are) so afraid of the dog, so they ran home fast.
我好像忘記把哪裡的are變成were，如果可以，幫我大略評分
滿分為60，幫我看看，謝謝

Answer 1

Last Saturday, Jack plyed baseball with his friends in the park.
嗯...這裡可以ˇ

When Jack hit a ball so far, the ball fell and hit a dog's eye when it was sleeing.
so far的用詞感覺怪怪的...可以寫說...However, Jack hit a ball far enough that it accidentally hit a dog in the eye. 解釋：但是，傑克打的球飛的夠遠，一不小就打到狗的眼睛。（很抱歉...我的國語很爛）

The dog woke up and it was so angry because its eye became black.
嗯...這句可以...可是可以更好ˇ

The dog wanted
to bite Jack and his firends, they were(我原本可能寫are) so afraid of the dog, so they ran home fast.
嗯...這裡要用were呦ˇ


整體來評的話...可能45～55分吧ˇ
因為ˇ有些地方不通暢，又有些語法錯誤...
像是這裡
The dog woke up and it was so angry because its eye became black.
如果要翻譯的話...狗醒來而且他很生氣因為它的眼睛變黑了。這樣～
更好的方式去解釋的話...應該可以這樣寫～
The dog was awaken by the sudden of pain in one of his eyes. It whined and was infuriated by the kids who made its eye black.
我好像在exaggerate...=ˇ=
嗯ˇ大概45～55分ˇ

Answer 2

想要寫出好的英文作文一定要有專人批改！你才可察覺到錯誤！
澳洲國立大學畢業生。他一直在幫我修改我的英文作文，在1.5個月內，他讓我的IELTS作文成績從5.0進步到7.0
如果你有英文作文希望請人修改，他很專業的，而且價錢又公道。
每篇300字以內的作文，只收你台幣160！
無論你是準備考雅思或英檢或學測，他都可以幫你修正字彙及文法上的錯誤喔。
歡迎有興趣的考生們，請寫信到我的信箱，謝謝。
[e-mail]
或上我的Facebook粉絲頁
https://www.facebook.com/pages/英文作文修改服務/322679444472908

Answer 3

大約７／２８才會知道成績吧！

Answer 4

圖一：Jack和他的2個朋友在打棒球
Last Saturday, Jack was playing baseball with two of his friends in the park.
圖二：一隻狗正在睡覺
There was a dog also sleeping in the other side of the park.
圖三：狗的眼睛被球打到
Once Jack had a far range hit, and the ball fell and unfortunately hit the sleeping dog's eye.
圖四：狗追Jack和他的朋友跑(狗的左眼是黑色的)
The dog got up with anger. The circle of its left eye had turned black.
(眼睛周圍變黑, 不是眼睛變黑)
The dog wanted to bite Jack and his firends.(段句)
They were so afraid of that dog, so they ran home as fast as they could.(儘他們的可能跑嘛)

評分嗎? 30分吧, 意境到了, 可是描述的不夠好, 文法也有錯