[求助] 我的作文麻煩請高手再次幫我批改~(第二次修正)

Question

以下的文章是之前 Helen Fan(專家5級) 幫做的修正~!!
我另外在開這個發問是要請高手幫我改寫3~4段的文章
因為文不對題，主要是蔣 男女金錢觀念的不同，我寫的文章沒有什麼說服力和立足點。
I think there are a lot differences between men and women, because men always complain about women for being not thoughtful, and women always grumble about men for not being romantic or considerate. So, there are many different perceptions, but the biggest trouble must be on how to use money!! Arguing on how to use money wisely is like an unceasing war between men and women.

Many years ago, I fall in love with a girl. We made many good memories together before I broke up with her. But good perceptions do not last forever, her method of using money is like “burning money”. She never thought about what she actually needed and just bought what she prepared to buy. She simply just liked the look of each item. I can’t stop her from buying things that she didn’t need. Money might seem nothing to her. Yet, I think if she can’t be frugal for a moment, then her daily life would be controlled by money. One day she would be frustrated with money.

In addition, “being the dominate one” is another big problem between men and women. For the past years, I couldn’t understand this, how men and women all wanted control their lovers, which would cause a lot of arguments. Sometimes, they want to control their lovers’ finance or habits, and even both. This thought is killing their relationship. So, my suggestions are that one person should not dominate her or his lover or someone for everything, respect each other’s feeling, then care for him or her. This person will get a good relationship with the one he or she loves.

The relationship of women and men can be odd, for instance, you can’t use one way to get along with every girl who you meet. In my opinion, if you want to get a good relationship with him or her, you should be patient in communicating with the one who you want to get along with, and carefully listen to her and him. Being a good listener to your loved one is the only right approach.

Answer 1

There are a lot differences between men and women. It can be seen that men often complain about women for being not caring and sensitive, and women would grumble about men for not being romantic or considerate. So, there are many different perceptions between both sexes espacially on how to spend the money!! Argument on how to use money wisely is apparently like an unceasing war between men and women.

Many years ago, I fell in love with a girl. We were having many good memories together before we broke up. Time seemingly to be the best way to understand someone. I realized that she spent her money like water. She bought everything she like and those are unnecessary. I couldn’t stop her from buying things that she didn’t need. She should have thought about her future and be discreet. Otherwise, she would trap in many financial problems.

In addition, when both sexes are in a relationship, majority of women tend to control their partner's finance. It is alleged that the woman is having a better concept in expenditure to ensure man not to over-spending. But man would think that he has lost his self-esteem for being controlled by a woman. He could not be generous to treat his friends a meal sometimes with lack of money inside his pocket. But, is it true that woman is having a better concept in expenditure? Why woman would buy something for an unreasonable price which is not feasible in man's opinion? It appears to be the biggest issue upon a relationship.

On other hand, even though man and woman will have different concept on how to spend the money on the right way. Both sexes should have same idea on their finance perception through communicating. If the problem cannot be solved, listen to a professional consultant is encouraged. Generally, people would think that it is hard to earn money and should spend it wisely. But, it is suggested that they should not feel guilty to buy something expensive or to have a grant meal to indulge themselves sometimes .

Answer 2

I believe my old girlfriend would say something otherwise about me, such as I am stingy and care too much about a little money that being spent.

2006-05-13 07:06:12 補充：
After reading several theses regarding the issue on related subjects, I have realized that the topic of money was not obviously discussed in a dating relationship.

2006-05-13 07:06:21 補充：
A couple seems to find out the fighting over what money is and isn’t, what it can and can't do after they are facing the financial decisions, for example, buying a car or purchasing a house.

2006-05-13 07:08:38 補充：
我寫的可能會被你的老師認為是抄襲的作品, 所以就不發表我的作品了
我也覺得clark_choo86寫得不錯啊, 只是有點太偏向男人的想法... 因此我就發表這三句話來中和一下囉

Answer 3

clark_choo86 你的3~4段幫我改的蠻好的~ 還有其他人願意回答嗎? 部燃最佳回答我要給他了~ 因為我這篇重新批改的眾片種點就是要大改3~4段的意思

2006-05-16 01:29:31 補充：
Helen Fan 謝謝你喔~
那我就把這20點給CLARKㄌ

Answer 4

There are many differences between men and women, for example, men always complain about women for not being thoughtful, and women always grumble about men not being romantic or considerate. As there are many different perceptions, the biggest problem is on how to use money!! Arguing on how to use money wisely is like an unceasing war between men and women.

Many years ago, I fall in love with a girl. We made many good memories together before I broke up with her. However, good perceptions did not last forever, her way of money using was like “burning money”. She never thought about what she actually needed but bought what she wanted to buy. She just simply liked the look of each item. I could not stop her from buying things that she didn’t need. Money seemed like nothing to her. Yet, I think if she could not be frugal for a moment, then her daily life would be controlled by money. One day she would be frustrated with money.

In addition, “being the dominate one” is another big problem between men and women. For the past years, I could not understand this: why men and women both want to control their lovers, which causes many arguments. Sometimes, they want to control their lovers’ finance or habits, and even both. This thought is killing their relationship. So, my suggestions are that a person should not dominate her or his lover or someone for everything, respect each other’s feeling, and then care for him or her. This person will get a good relationship with the one he or she loves.

The relationship of women and men could be odd; for instance, you can’t use one way to get along with every girl you meet. In my opinion, if you want to get a good relationship with him or her, you should be patient in communicating with the one you want to get along with, and carefully listen to her or him. Being a good listener to your loved one is the only right approach.


其實我並沒有完全改ˋˋ不然我怕會改過頭了>"<
我覺得你後來幾篇有點離題了說ˋˋ跟"金錢觀"有點偏了....
嗯~~還有就是要注意動詞型態ˋˋ最好都用過去式或現在進行式........
盡量避免使用"a lot of"等字眼ˋˋ也最好不要用縮寫唷~~(can't-->cannot....etc.)
就是醬子啦^_^