可否幫我修改英文自傳

Question

我英文很不好,這是我拼拼湊湊的自傳,希望好心人士幫我修改(求職用)謝謝
From a middle class family, I was born in Nantzu , Kaohsiung, and I am 27 years old. I am the firstborn in my family. As you know to be independent is the primary feature of the firstborn. I also think I have the responsibility for my family, and it\'s a sweet duty for me.

My major subject was accounting in the OOO University. My interest in math began early when I was a child. For the reason I chose this subject. And I also did some occupation has relation with calculating. I have been a math teacher in a cram school, and an accounting in a corporation.

In my spare time, I like to spend my energy in sports. Mountaineering, jog and ball games are my favorite exercise. In addition to doing these exercise, I also like to do anything relating to English such as listening to English songs, watching English movies and books. I realized the importance of English and began to study diligently 2 years ago. I did not start in my early age, but I enjoy reading English now.

The rational though is my character, so I have a good logical thinking ability. I think it is a common feature of people who like math. When I am in trouble, I will judge the reason of problem. And think all the way that can solve it , than choose the best one. I always face the predicament instead of run away. I always brave to settle the difficulty, which I meet .I trust the most important thing is have you done your best or not. Because you get what you get, and concentrate on improving myself.

謝謝大家幫我修改～

Answer 1

這是典型的「中式」求職自傳，從雇主最不關心的童年與家庭講起。有利於謀職的「自傳」寫法，是利用這個機會把簡歷中需要強化的部分在此表明。所以一個好的自傳，不論中文、英文，應該用70%篇幅描述與所謀職務相關的經驗、知識與能力。我試著照這樣的邏輯來改寫：Most of career and study are related to numbers, because I like to play with numbers, which I think is the most objective way of expressing facts. My last job was an accountant in a (export-import) company for two years. Because the operation is a trading company is quite simple, the handling of general ledger really was a piece of cake to me. I wish to take challenge in the more complicated area such as finance management or cost accounting, which I could better utilize, my talents in numbers. Before starting my accounting, I taught mathematics in a cram school for a short period.As well as many young men in Taiwan, my family wanted me to get the best education as possible. I have performed pretty well throughout different levels of education, especially in mathematics. As the first-born child of a traditional family, independence and sense of responsibility naturally become my inherited virtues. Therefore I used to challenges and disciplines.I was considered a bored person in the family as well as in my work because I am the eldest child and a number cruncher. I eager to change that stereotyped image, therefore I begin to approach some soft stuffs, such as music, English literature in my leisure time. I hope I could make a girl friend that has a marketing job, and then I could know more business knowledge beyond accounting.第一段從自己與所謀職務有關的長處談起。文中一方面交代了上一個工作的內容，另一方面也表達了自己在會計領域更上一層樓的野心與潛力。第二段才談到家庭與教育，但仍然與工作的主軸有關，也就是用「長子/女」暗示自己的獨立性與責任感，搏得雇主深刻的印象。第三段談到自己的缺點（自己是一個枯燥無味的人），其實是寓褒於貶，因為這樣的個性才適合作會計的工作。儘管如此，自己還是勇於改變，願意接受會計領域以外的東西。number cruncher 是指把數字放在嘴裡咀爵的人，通常是公司其他部門貶抑會計部門人員的稱呼。以上自作主張，希望有助於你謀職。

2006-05-08 13:19:53 補充：
Kiyoka 木四火：「參考資料」is meant for showing the orign of the material you used, not the origin where you have lived.

It is not a "professional" way to imply your English proficiency by saying where you are from, especially from a down-udner part of the earth.

Answer 2

I am 27-year-old, born into a middle class family in Nanztu, Kaohsiung. I am the eldest child in the family, and I acquired the primary feature of a firstborn independence early on. I am responsible for my family and willingly take on any challenge.

I play sports in my spare time. Mountaineering, jogging and ball games are my favorite sports. In addition to exercising, I like to do anything relating to English, such as listening to songs in English, watching movies in English and reading books in English. I realized the importance of English and began to study English diligently since two years ago. While I did not learn English earlier, I enjoy studying English now.

Having good rationalization and logics are parts of my characteristics - I think it is a common feature of people who like Mathematics. WHen I face problems, I will find the cause and try to work out the best solution. I choose to face the predicament instead of running away. I am eager to settle difficulties when I encounter them. I believe that the most important aspect in solving difficulties is to do your best and to concentrate on improving one's self.