可以幫我改我的作文嗎 我的考試快到了 謝謝

Question

題目是 Do the positive effects of advertising outweigh the negative effects?
可以幫我定正文法 還有一些可以加強的地方嗎?

Advertisement supports a lot of purpose including business and education. In the past, advertisement used simple and brief method to introduce the commodities, while nowadays, advertisement becomes the main way to attract customers. It is a controversial argument that the effect on advertising to influence society and I will analyze some reasons in next paragraphs.
The significant people believed that advertisement already introduce the information of the product clearly and completely. However, I do not agree with this point of view. The most of introductions exaggerate the function and effect of products. The products even are not tested by the government so they may be harmful. For example, there are a lot of TV programs’ to sell the medicine which can lose weight. They use many examples to prove the results. Statistically, 95% of the medicine is not healthy for body and it is illegal.
At present, every advertisement is amusing and original and we always are attracted to buy the commodities. Company introduces their product very useful and the price is reasonable. When customers complete the transaction and receive the products, they will find that they only use or wear them at the first time. They do not need them. Treadmill, for instance, is popular equipment in the modern family. I remember few years ago, my parents bought the treadmill to hope they can take exercise at home. During the first month, everyone in my family wanted to run on the treadmill enthusiastically. After a year went by, we never used it again. It is not suitable for us.
In conclusion, in commercial society, advertisement becomes the efficient method to market all kind of products. But the large proportion of advertisement is unreal to lead people to buy the goods that they do not really need. I think the advantage of advertising is less than the disadvantage.

Answer 1

Advertising serves a lot of purposes, in areas of business and education. In the past, advertising used simple and brief methods to introduce the commodities, while nowadays, advertising has become a main way to attract customers. It is a controversial argument that if advertising would influence the society.  (x) I will bring up some reasons in the following paragraphs.Some (x) people believe that advertising could introduce (x) a product clearly and completely. However, I do not agree with that point of view. Most of the introductions exaggerate the functions and effects of products. Those products are not yet tested by the government and may be harmful to humans. For example, there are a lot of TV programs’ that sell medicine advertising for helping lose weights effectively. They use many examples to prove the results. Statistically, 95% of the medicine advertised is not healthful or could be illegally put onto the market. At present, every advertisement is entertaining and original, and we tend to buy what are advertised. Those products seem to be very helpful and their prices also sound reasonable. After customers complete the transactions and receive the products, they will find that they only use or wear those products once. (x) A treadmill, for instance, is popular among modern families. I remember a few years ago, my parents bought the treadmill in hope that they can do exercise at home. During the first month, everyone in my family wanted to run on the treadmill enthusiastically. (x) A year went by, we never used it again. We do not need that treadmill any more. In conclusion, in a commercialized society, advertising has become the efficient method to market all kinds of products. But the large proportion of advertising is unrealistic and misleading people to buy the goods that they do not really need. I believe, as to advertising, there are more disadvantages than what advantages can bring to the customers.