英文自傳的修改~~麻煩各位英文高手嚕 (20點贈送^^)

Question

請幫我改正以下履歷表文法上及語意上的錯誤，謝謝~~
My name is xxx. I am graduate from xxx and major in Engineering Management. There are 5 people in my family. My father is a clerk works in a company of Hsinchu Science-based Industrial Park. And my mother is a housewife. I am the eldest daughter in my family. I have a younger sister who is studying at university now. Both my parents are conscientious and hard-working people, the way they teach us is very strict, maybe it’s because we are girls, they wanted to protect us. But somehow I had to learn independent eventually, so after I educated from college, I asked them to let me move out to looking for a job.
My first job is a quality controller according to what I educated from college. But I am a vigorous and extroverted person; I want to do a job which is compliant my personality. So I applied for a job: sales assistant, fortunately I got that job. I learned so much from this job, I have learned how to deal properly with our customers, how to filing the documents makes them systematized – a easy but important thing, help apply to the customs and help to import and export the goods smoothly.

那個是貨物報關沒錯~~

Answer 1

My name is XXXXX. I graduated from XXXXX University and my major was Engineering Management. There are five people in my family. My father works as a clerk at Hsinchu Science Industrial Park and my mother is a housewife. I have one younger sister who is a university student now. Both my parents are honest and hard-working people. Maybe it's because my sister and I are girls; they used to keep their eyes on us so as to protect us well. However, I had to learn being independent so I asked them to allow me to move out to look for a job after my graduation from the college.According to the field what I have learnt from college, I found my first job as a quality controller. I am an energetic and easygoing person, and I believe that there are many things to learn to accumulate my working experiences. So I started looking for another new job and then I worked as a sales assistant in XXXX company. Fortunately, I have learnt many invaluable experiences there such as how to deal with our customers properly, how to organize the documents systematically – an easy but important thing though, and how to handle the customs clearance in import/export businesses smoothly.

Answer 2

My name is xxx. I am a graduate of a xxx and majored in Engineering Management. There are five people in my family. My father works at Hsinchu Science-Based Industrial Park as a clerk and my mother is a housewife. I have one younger sister who goes to university now. Both my parents are conscientious and hard-working people, maybe it's because we are girls; they took us seriously for being parents and trying hard to protect us. But somehow I had to learn being independent eventually; I asked them to let me move out to look for a job after college life.

According to what I have learnt from college, my first job was a Quality Controller. I am an energetic and out-going person, and I believed that there are many ways to build up along with my experience and personality. So I started looking for another new job: sales assistant. Fortunately, I have learnt and found the experience there invaluable, I have learnt how to deal properly with our customers, how to organize the documents to be systematized –an easy but important thing though, how to make a statement of dutiable goods for them and import/export the goods smoothly.

to help to apply the customs是指報稅嗎

2006-03-28 13:49:52 補充：
那已修改ㄌ建議開頭加上 To whom it may concern,最後再加上 Respectfully yours,