要考試了 可以幫我看看我的作文嗎?

Question

Parents and teachers make rules for children to encourage good behavior and to protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A significant number people hold the opinion that in order to prevent children become bad and leave the hazard, the rules are indispensable and efficiently. In the past, parents always restricted their children behavior which probably had bad influences. Today, the conception of educating children is different and experts say that it is better for children to have more liberty and do not limited them. I agree this point it will help children to develop a good characters.
It is commonly believe that strict rules can control their behaviour and avoid the crime. If they did wrong things, they will be punished. However, I disagree with this point of view, rules will hinder creative and talent. For instance, parents always banned their child to read comic and only allow them to study a textbook, they afraid the comic which involved violent and sexual content. But it will restrict children’s brilliance in art and creative, they only know how to complete homework and examination. Children always have strongly curiosity. And giving children space to understand what they have the most interest, they will feel happy. It is important that children have a happy childhood. It is not only benefiting their mentality, but having completed personality in the future.
To sum up, there are obviously a number of arguments for children should have more rules to protect their safe and correct their conduct. But I consider that will more helpful to give them freedom and do not limit them by many rules.

多謝拓子的回答～～
我想這句 leave the hazard 應該是錯了 我想說遠離危險 但我想是錯ㄌ

Answer 1

A significant number of people hold the opinion that in order to prevent children from becoming bad and leave the hazard*, rules are indispensable. In the past, parents have always restricted their children's behaviour which probably have had bad influences. Today, the method of educating children is different and experts say that it is better for children to have more liberty and be not limited by strict rules. I agree at this point that it will help children develop good characters.It is commonly believed that strict rules can control children's behaviour and avoid commitment of crimes. If they did somthing wrong, they will be punished. However, I disagree with this point of view; rules will hinder creativity and talent. For instance, parents have always banned*/refrained their child from reading comic books and only allow them to study textbooks, because they are afraid that comics may include/contain violent and sexual content. But such restrictions can inhibit children’s brilliance in art and creativity and they will only know how to complete homework and examinations. Children are strongly curious about the world and by giving children space to understand what most interests them will allow them to feel happy. It is important that children have a happy childhood, which will not only benefit their mentality but allow complete personalities in the future. To sum up*/In conclusion, there are obviously a number of opinions for whether or not children should have more rules to protect their safety and to correct their conduct. But I believe that it will be more helpful/effective to give them freedom and not limit them by many rules. *leave the hazard?? what are you trying to say?*most parent's don't ban comic books.. kids still read them*to sum up sounds a bit weirdnot bad! :)

Answer 2

拓子's answer is very good