誰可以幫我挑我自己中翻英的錯誤

Question

這是我上英文課要用的，是我自己想的文章，也是我自己翻譯的，但是我怕我的翻譯會有點怪怪的，我希望有人可以幫我挑出我的錯誤，並且幫我改正，真的很感謝

我的文章 :
今天，我想要介紹我的興趣:集郵。
一開始我會收集郵票是因為我爸爸，在他的櫃子，有很多的集郵冊，其中包括用過的郵票和沒用過的郵票。
我覺得郵票很美麗，所以開始集郵。
Today, I want to brief my interest: Stamp collecting.
As soon as starts me to be able to collect the postage stamp is because of my
father, He has the very many stamp collectings book in his cabinet ,
including old postage stamp and new postage stamp.
I thought the postage stamp is very beautiful.so, I start to collect the postage stamp

*我個人覺得這句怪怪的<>但不知道要怎樣翻比較好


我爸爸送我一本集郵冊及幾張台灣早期的郵票，我自己也開始收集郵票，幾乎都是用過的郵票，直到現在，我收集郵票已經四年了。
這本集郵冊的郵票，包括台灣早期的郵票，我朋友給我的泰國的郵票，及一些全新的全套郵票。總共二百四十張。
My daddy delivers me a stamp collecting book and several Taiwan early
time postage stamp,I also start to collect the postage stamp, Nearly all is has used the postage stamp , until now , I collected the postage stamp already four years.
This stamp collecting book postage stamp, including the Taiwan early
time postage stamp, my friend gives my Thailand\'s postage stamp, and
some brand-new complete set postage stamps。Altogether 240 postage stamps
收集郵票真的會讓自己很有成就感。郵票上的圖案，讓我感受到文化及社會的變遷，對我而言真的很棒。
The collection postage stamp, can let me have the achievement feeling
very much，In the postage stamp design, lets me feel cultural and society\'s
Vicissitude，It lets me feel very good

Answer 1

Round-Face: 看得出來你很認真想把英文作文學好，不過在你翻譯時，太拘泥於中文的本文，逐字翻譯的結果，寫出來的英文變成支離破碎，很難看得懂。寫英文時要把中文忘記，用老師教給你的英文文法結構和字彙去完成一篇文章，雖然剛開始不是很流利，但多看英文書去體會句子的結構，增加使用的字彙，英文就變好了。以下我試試幫你改寫，英文是我的專長和專業，寫出來也許超出你的水準，但你可以細心與自己的比對一下，還是有收穫的。Today, I am going to tell you about my hobby, philately. My father is a philatelist who has several stamp albums kept in his book cabinet. When I looked over his stamp collections, I found many pretty stamps which aroused my interest of collection.To encourage me, my father gave me an album and several stamps of early Taiwan. When I started my collections, most of stamps were used ones. I have been collected stamps for 4 years. In my first stamp album, there are 240 stamps including early Taiwan stamps, Thai stamps from my friend and some brand new stamps.The philately makes me feel a sense of achievement. Each design on the stamp tells a story of cultural text and social evolutions. I really enjoy collecting stamps.註：「集郵」作為一個嗜好，有一個專屬名詞叫做 " philately " 所以「集郵者」就叫做 " philatelist "。「集郵冊」不叫 " stamp collecting books " 而是 " stamp albums " 。同理「相簿」叫 " photo albums " 。