這句英文翻得對嗎?幫我看看~~10點

Question

1 去年暑假我在一家便利商店打工，那是我第一次打工
Last summer vacation I had a part-time job at a convenient store, that was my first time.
2 除非他們有任何改善，恐怕我不會再去那家速食店了
I\'m afraid that I won\'t go to that fast-food restaurant anymore , unless they have any improvement.
3 小睡片刻 nap a while
4 這樣美麗的景色令我著迷，我便忘了要做功課
I was fascinated by such a beautiful view, so I forgot to do my homework.
5 我好高興，下班之後又再去找那位算命師，希望有更多好消息
I was so happy that I turned to find that fortuneteller after work for more good news.
以上是我自己寫的翻譯，希望可以把你的寫下來
順便看我寫的有那些地方不好的，告訴我，感激啦~~

Answer 1

1 去年暑假我在一家便利商店打工，那是我第一次打工
Last summer vacation I had a part-time job at a convenient store, that was my first time.
(應該把that改成which，因為逗點的後面不能用that)
2 除非他們有任何改善，恐怕我不會再去那家速食店了
I'm afraid that I won't go to that fast-food restaurant anymore , unless they have any improvement.
(1.後面的they語意不清楚，前面沒有提到關於they的名詞
2.建議把第一個that刪掉或是把第二個that改成the，雖然沒有文法上的錯誤，但
唸起來也比較順)
3 小睡片刻 nap a while
(這句應該是可以，只是我認為應該用take a short nap會比較好)
4 這樣美麗的景色令我著迷，我便忘了要做功課
I was fascinated by such a beautiful view, so I forgot to do my homework.
(這句應該沒問題)
5 我好高興，下班之後又再去找那位算命師，希望有更多好消息
I was so happy that I turned to find that fortuneteller after work for more good news.
(1.可以改成I was so happy that I turned to find that fortuneteller again after work,hoping for more good news. 因為中文當中有提到"再"和"希望"
2.應該是fortune-teller)

以上只是我的小小意見而已，錯了請見諒!