請幫我修正一下英文履歷...

Question

I am ** and I was born on 1982 in Taipei. There are four members in my family including father, mother, elder sister and I. I am an optimistic and easygoing girl. In my spare time, I enjoy surfing the internet. Because it can not only get the first-hand information but also enlarge my knoledge.
I have been worked as an assistant in trading company for half a year and also worked as a tutor of learning school for two years. In the future, I want to be a professor at trading since I am interested in learning English and understanding every country\'s culture. Therefore, I\'m looking forward to work with you and I\'ll do my best to do well.

還有什麼需要提到的、文法上有哪些不對的、編排有哪些不妥的都請各位大大指導一下，謝謝囉！

Answer 1

I am ** and I was born on 1982 in Taipei.（ There are four members in my family, including my parents, an elder sister and me.不必寫爸媽，直接用父母代替會更好。兄弟姊妹也最好寫出其人數，因為它是ㄍ名詞。另，此篇應該是用在正式的自我介紹，故不宜用dad、mom；用me代替I）

I am an optimistic and easygoing girl.（In my leisure/free time, I enjoy surfing in the Internet, because I can not only get much first-hand information but also broaden my knowledge.空閒時間用這兩字較佳；用，將because之後句子與前句相連，單獨使用並不恰當，因兩句具相關聯性；用來指網際網路時要大寫，且更不可以只寫net，因意義完全不同；enlarge是將東西擴大，broaden是將範圍擴大）

I have ever worked as an assistant in a trading company for half a year. Besides, I also worked as a tutor in a learning school for two years before.（注意trading company及school前的a要加，但公司名稱、校名無必要表示，因為並不是在“寫”履歷表，除非該公司或學校相當有名，而教任某一科則可將該科寫出，好讓對方知道你有某方面的專長）

In the future, I wish to be a professor on trading since I am interested in learning English and I know many countries’ cultures. Therefore, I'm looking forward to working with you and I'll do my best for it.（want 改為wish，因為是對未來的一種期望，而非待會想要做的事；on　在某一方面；understanding every country's culture，一來沒有understanding something這說法，二來你並非了解全世界的所有國家；be looking forward to V+ing；已經有do my best表示你有心要將某事做到最好，所以不需再說to do well，再說，應該是do it well才對，所以此部份應該如此改。）

Answer 2

你厭倦往返補習班浪費的時間和體力嗎
你想在家裡躺在沙發，就可以上課嗎?
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超過500多門課程，為各界人士提供優質的線上教育服務。

自100年6月成立以來，使用會員在一年內就已突破3萬名，並培育出許多優秀的學員，

學員踴躍分享行動補習帶來的便利與效果，累積許多佳績見證。

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Answer 3

I'm ** and was born in 1982, Taipei. There are four members in my family, mom, dad, elder sister, and myself. (可是通常應該就只說我有一個姐姐就好了吧....因為....誰無父母阿@@) I'm an optimistic and easygoing girl. I enjoy surfing the net during my free time. Surfing the net is not just getting the frist-hand information, but can also gain knowledge from it.
I have been working as an assistant in a trading company (如果可以寫下公司名字會更好) for half a year, and has also worked as a ________ tutor (什麼樣的tutor?) in a learning school (學校的名字) for two years. I wanted to become a professor in trading in the future. Since I'm interested in English, and understanding different cultures, I would like to work with you and will try my best to do it.

I'm looking forward for your reply, thank you.

Sincerely....
(your name)

2006-02-20 23:55:00 補充：
阿 如果有不禮貌...就那個"誰無父母"那句話...請見諒阿^^"