英文寫作 請多指教

Question

以下為我自己寫的東西 請糾正文法或用法上的錯誤 並解釋正確用法 謝謝~
全文:
Recently I had a chance to read through a reflection paper from one of my high school classmates. She wrote about the trip to be back to her hometown where she grew up. The paper she wrote about had triggered me to think about a lot of stuff in my mind. Because of that reflection thought, I always had a question in my mind jumping out acquiring what has ailed the ethics and moralities in us as humankind….

In the ancient time, there were many nations in the world that had good civilization, and what makes the world keeps going down as we can see in today’s world has worried many of us. To find out where and what the problem is can not only help us get rid of this big tumor of all mankind’s life but also improve a better and welfare.

I am not trying to blame anyone or anything, but I always have this idea in my mind that the western countries had somehow altered a lot of the ethical concepts and moral notions in our society.

Without being brutal, (if that’s the word), I would like to draw out some lines and make my points by referring to the supportive sources that I have found.

Answer 1

She wrote about going back to her home town where she grew up.
減少贅述。

Her paper has inspired me to think through many stuffs that has been on my mind.
減少贅述、inspire較恰當、是on不是in。

I always have.
因為always，所以用have。

......that had created great civilizations.
較恰當。

...a better welfare.
不用and。

....that the western cultures had somehow changed....
cultures較恰當，changed較恰當。

Without being brutal (if that's the word)...
英文格式裡，括號與字之間不需逗點，只要空一格，括號後的字不需空格。

...and make my perspectives by...
points是較口語的說法。

Answer 2

sorry，我想問您有關紐約自助的民宿，mail是[e-mail], 因為您無接受來信，希望您給意見，謝

2006-04-29 15:34:28 補充：
更正[e-mail] 才是對的

Answer 3

謝謝菜英文的指教 經你這麼一說我也知道自己的弱點 實在該多做加強 只是有時很無力遇到瓶頸 如有任何好意見 請在多多指教 謝謝~

Answer 4

有顆善良的心是一種幸福 ：你這篇英文的問題不在文法，而在語意表達很不清楚，讀者根本不知道你想要表達什麼。

例如：你讀完一篇高中同學回到家鄉諸多感觸的文章。在沒有任何交代之下，突然讓你心情澎湃，關切到全人類的倫理與道德。

接下來的三段更是有點不知所云，勉強可以抓到的一點訊息是你非常擔心人類文明發展走錯了方向。但也不至於要用到「我無意責備任何人」、「在不唐突粗魯前提下」這些看似有學問實際意義空洞的語句。

2006-02-11 09:00:17 補充：
有顆善良的心是一種幸福 ：

我的意見可能過於唐突無禮，但是希望對你有所幫助。你在文章組織、意思表達上的缺點，要先改善，才能談英文翻譯的問題。