我的機師自傳 有好心人幫我順一下嗎?

Question

自幼在空軍眷村中長大，身邊免不了有一些空軍退役的老伯伯訴說當年二戰的英勇事蹟，我倒也是聽得津津有味，也許是因為如此，長成後總是偏好看戰爭片，尤其是關於空戰英雄的題材，之後更是對電腦模擬飛行類遊戲愛不釋手，每次的模擬飛行任務總是能滿足我對成為飛行員的渴望。
但現實世界裡，父母親對我的期望仍然與一般社會價值相同，當然爾，我也沒讓他們失望，退伍後擔任行銷企劃一職並展現所長，對飛行的熱愛逐漸變成工作閒暇之虞的消遣活動。
直到在網路上結識了一些線上機師，言談中得知有機師徵選之機會，審慎評估之後，機師一職不但可以滿足我的成就感、還可拓展世界觀、伴隨而來的社會地位提升，無可厚非這似乎是工作與夢想的最佳結合，個人認為在現職上的貢獻也該劃下階段性、卻又不失美好的休止符，相信對積極而專注的我而言，必能憑藉對飛行的熱情，為生命譜下精采樂章！

I was born in an air force family houses.I enjoyed the story about World War II that my grandfather told me.Therefore,when I grow up,I am interest in the war film which is especially about the air force hero.The simulated flight game is my favorite also.Each mission can always satisfy the aspiration of been a pilot to me.
In fact, my parents\' expectation to me meet with the general social value.I didn’t let them down,of course.I got great performance at my first job after leaving the army.The passion of flying turned to the entertainment at my leisure time.
Until knowing some pilots in the internet,I was informed of the infoemation of pilot selection.As far as I concerned,being a pilot would meet my sense of achievements, broade my world view, following social status raise.There is no denying that it’s the best combination of career and dream.I firmly believe that I can touch the sky with my passion of flying.

Answer 1

I was grown up in a community where most families of air force servicemen lived. I was told many exciting heroic World War II stories by retired air force neighbors in my childhood.  Under the influence of these heroic stories, I became a war movie fun, especially for the air warfare hero themes. I turned my aspiration to computer-simulated air warfare game. After completing every simulated mission in the computer game, it somewhat quenched my thirst to be a real fighter plane pilot.In the real life, I need to fulfill my parents' expectations as everyone does in choosing career jobs.  I did not disappoint them; I developed my career in the marketing planning after completing my military service obligations. The aspiration to flying gradually has become an after-work hobby of mine. Until I met some active duty pilots over the internet, I learned that some airliners are recruiting pilots. After prudent evaluation, I convinced myself that the career of pilot not only satisfies my passion of flying, but it also helps me gain global vision, and brings me an admirable social status. This is a now-or-never opportunity which combines the career and the childhood dream. I do not have any regrets to discontinue my successful current career to realize my lifelong ambition. With my aggressive, dedicated personality and passion for flying, I would be a worthy candidate that your company is looking for.

2006-02-05 16:46:04 補充：
Mazda3才是王道 : 我基本上照著你的本意改寫了全篇文章，相信讀起來一定流暢的多，最重要的它讀在是一篇中國人看得懂，外國人不知所云的「中式英文」。祝你實現童年夢想。（發現不懂得單字，請自己查一下字典。）

2006-02-05 16:51:42 補充：
受字數限制，請繼續看「意見欄」。

2006-02-05 16:52:06 補充：
Mazda3才是王道 :
這篇自傳的出發點是「想把自己想講的事情告訴雇主」，這是寫任何應徵工作自傳的最忌諱的事情。要讓雇主覺得你比其他申請者強，一定要試著從「雇主的需要與期望」來寫自傳。你的童年飛行夢想說一次就夠了，雇主不會有興趣的。

2006-02-05 16:54:29 補充：
Mazda3才是王道 :
航空公司訓練一名合格機師，需要投入進千萬的資金。你的自傳要告訴而且說服雇主的是，他對你未來的投資是值得而且可以回收的。

2006-02-05 17:21:05 補充：
Mazda3才是王道 :
因此我建議你在自傳裡要強調自己的體能、快速學習、反應與抗壓的能力，並用實例加以證明。再次祝你如願以償。

2006-02-07 08:31:46 補充：
♡Banff - my♡: You are right. Thanks.

2006-02-07 08:36:33 補充：
Mazda3才是王道；我不是機師，跟你一樣也是飛機迷。我工作上常常要面試求職者。普遍的感受是，年輕的求職者心中只有自己，很少為雇主設想。假如你從雇主角度切入，你的自傳或者資歷一定與眾不同。

Answer 2

真的太感謝樓上幾位大大了>_<
蔡英文大大似乎很了解機師徵選呢
莫非您是線上機師?

Answer 3

菜英文: Since your account do not accept e-mail, I will have to post it here. Hope you do not mind....

1.) I became a war movie fAn.

2.) fighter plane pilot >>> fighter jet pilot (how we say that in US)

2006-02-05 21:07:14 補充：
3.) Career already means job,
no need to repeat again.

4.) aspiration to fly

5.) the career of A pilot