幫我抓出這篇文章英文文法上的錯誤~20點

Question

How we can improve our country
Recently,our country was very bad, expecially our students of education,many students ability wasn\'t good, so our focus need to put on \'\'education\'\'
Everyone probably knew a person who has a good attainments need to have a fine education. However Taiwan didn\'t have a good education , of course didn\'t can make a good attainments person.First, we need to correct our Chinese books,math books,English books. science books of school, because if we correct mistakes of books ,i think the education will be batter than before. Also \'\'teachers\'\' will be important to education ,almost all the teachers didn\'t have a good seat in student\'s heart, because the teachers didn\'t concern about studtnts .If students make lots of mistakes ,the teacher will write the contact book to student\'s parents ,and then students will hit by their parents.We need to correct teachers of teaching method,if students make the mistake ,the teachers need to to understand why the students make the mistakes,and tell them not to do it again.Also teachers can give students three chances.
Finally, if we do it ,i think we also can improve our country sucessfully.Of course, maybe Taiwan will have lots of smart person and many countrys will jealous our country.

Answer 1

Improvement starts from Education (意見: Title 也改了 要明確才行.)I believe improving education system will help out our country in the long run. (意見: 這一段稱為 topic sentence 要在文章之前加進去, 讀者才知道你大概想說些什麼.) Education system has jeopardized our youngsters in learning performance at school. Education is the fundamental learning for anyone who wishes to achieve great attainment. (意見: 這句放這不妥當 建議您刪除) First of all, I believe there are too many errors in the textbooks used by K-12; modifications are necessary to improve the materials created to teach our children. Secondly, quality of teaching professionals can make a great impact on the result of education. The word “quality” does not strengthen merely on the subjects of knowledge and ability to perform in teaching. An instructor must contain “heart”, a Chinese word which means caring, loving, and be thoughtful to the need of students. At last, but not the least, we need to make regulations and adjustments on the teaching method for those teaching professionals. It is important for a teacher to understand the feelings and thoughts that lies deep inside of those students. We should suggest that punishment may not be the best way of education for our children. Also teachers can give students three chances. (意見: 這句不妥應當刪除) After all, I believe changing the education system will absolutely help the children of our country. (意見: 結尾還缺了些東西)---------------------------------------------------------------建議: 整篇重新整理過了,文章思路要集中,許多需要補充的地方!

Answer 2

如果這是初或高中程度的文章， 內容及用字還可以接受． 如果是大專以上的話， 那兩者有待加強．

Answer 3

第一行 How can we ....？ 是疑問句
第二行 many students' ability wasn't good, so our focus needs to put on ''education'' students' abilities需要加個'，是所有格。
而needs 需要加個s，是呼應focus是單數，our focus是指我們的焦點，是單數不是複數。

第三行 Everyone probably knew that a person who has good attainments needed fine educated.However Taiwan didn't have good education society , of course can't make a good attainments person.

第六行 (because 和if不能連用) if we correct mistakes of books ,i think the education will be batter than before. Also ''teachers'' is important to education ,

第九行 will write the contact book to students' parents ,and then students will be hit by their parents.We need to change teachers' teaching behavior when students make mistakes. The teachers need to to understand why the students make the mistakes,and tell them not to do it next time.

最後一段 Finally, if we do it ,i think we can improve our country sucessfully.Of course, maybe Taiwan will have lots of smart persons and many countries will be jealous of our country.

姑且不論文章的內容，在主詞之後的動詞單數複數上，需要多加注意。
用字其實蠻簡單，一些簡單的句型用法也要注意一下。
寫完之後，多唸幾遍，可以幫助句子的流暢。

2006-01-23 00:47:55 補充：
我有用word重新編排你的文章...如果需要的話...可以寄信給我..我可以傳給妳看看...