幫我看看文法和文意會不會不通怪怪的…急哦！！謝謝

Question

XXXhas just engaged in his career, there are still a lot of thing that he doesn’t yet understand, so some harsh utterance may easily irritate him.
Everyone has different growing backgrounds and pressure resistance; strong criticism may lead to internal harm and emotional.
It’s quite difficult to restore someone’s mental scar. You should be sensitive while giving advice to others. To encourage those who are in need positively, guide the teenagers, don’t destroy their minds or do the personal attacks in order to scold them, it can avoid having their self-pride threatened and self-confidence ruined.

Answer 1

因為我是中國人，所以我看得懂你的「中式英文」。如果我是西方人，就有點不知所云了。以下我用西方人的語法表達你想要說明的論點，用心體會就能察覺其中端倪了。 John initiated his caeer recently, he has lots of things to learn. At this stage he is vulnerable to harsh criticism. Everyone comes from different living backround, therefore their tolerance  against pressure varies from person to person. Harsh criticism may hurt the pride of peole like John.  Once the respect being hurt,  it is very difficult to recover.  Especially for those teenagers, they are extremely sensitive to criticism. Supervisors and managers in the workplace should act as a friendly coach or mentor to guide them through the intiative period of the employment.