請各位幫個忙，糾正英文作文好嗎？謝謝你們^^

Question

能否請各位幫我批改以下的作文呢？謝謝你們~^^
我這樣寫是否有錯誤呢？還是說能有更好句子可代替的？
My unforgetable experience
To get a traffice ticket was my unforgetable experience.
It was happend on my last semester and I didn't forget it forever.
since that day was my midterm exam , and I didn't have exam until the afternoon.
Therefor I want to get to school early to study the text book.
Unfortunatly , it happend that I went out in the midday.
The sun was too bright to see the traffice light ,
so I passed the intersection when the traffice light was red.
It was unbelievable that police was near by me ,
so that I was punished by the police and got a traffice ticket.
It was let me felt angry and embarrassing on a moment .
To give a traffice ticket because I was being careless was my unforgetable experience.

Answer 1

Mia：你的文章大致上說來文法正確，但從整體上看來有許多冗贅無關重點的敘述，而且以「中式」思維來表達。例如：你被開罰單主要原因是當天陽光太亮遮住了紅綠燈，但是你卻花了許多篇幅提到考試的時間、當天下午沒有課等與主題無關的敘述。交通違規是一個是一個令人難忘的「事件」，而不是一個「經驗」。經驗是要經過一段時間的累積而且必須重複發生，才會成為「經驗」，這就是我所謂的「中式思維」。以下我根據你所要表達的意思，以精簡（除去與主題無關的敘述）和精確（聚焦於描述事件發生的經過）的方式，來表達一個令人「難忘」的事件。你可以加以比較體會，希望對你日後的作文有所幫助。An unforgettable incident: running the red lightThe incident was happened in an afternoon of last semester when I was taking the mid-term examinations. I remembered the bright sunlight shadowed the traffic lights at the intersection where I was driving through. I was stopped by a police officer who charged me running traffic light and issued a ticket to me on the spot. It was embarrassing and unforgivable for not paying enough attention to the traffic light when crossing the street.

Answer 2

(My) Unforgetable experience
To get a traffice ticket was my unforgetable experience.
It (was) happend on my last semester and I (didn't forget it forever) will never forget.
It (since that day) was my midterm exam , (and) I didn't have exam until the afternoon.
(Therefor) I want(ed) to go (get) to school (early) earlier to study the text book.
(Unfortunatly , it happend that I went out in the midday.)
The sun was too bright to see the traffice light ,
so I passed the intersection (when the) without seeing that the traffice light was red
(It was unbelievable that) and police was near by me ,
so (that I was punished by the police and) I got a traffice ticket.
It (was) let me (felt) feel angry and embarrassing (on a) at the moment .
To (give) get a traffice ticket because of my (I was being) careless was my unforgetable experience.

Answer 3

My unforgetable experience
(Getting) a (traffic) ticket was my unforgetable experience.
It (happened) (in) my last semester and I (won't) forget it forever.
(That) day was my midterm exam , and I didn't have exam until the afternoon.
(However,) I (also wanted) to get to school early to study the text book.
Unfortunatly , it happend (when) I went out in the midday.
The sun was too bright to see the (traffic) light ,
so I passed(went across) the intersection when the (traffic) light was red.
It was unbelievable that police was near by me ,
so I was punished by the police and got a (traffic) ticket.
It (let) me (feel) angry and (embarrassed) (at that) moment .
(Getting) a (traffic) ticket because I (was) careless. (It) was my unforgetable experience.

( )的部份是更改的..