急！請幫我看看英文自傳

Question

請幫我看看寫的如何，還有哪邊需要更改的(如果可以的話請順便幫我想想更改的地方要寫什麼吧)。
Autobiography
My Family
My name is xxx. I was borned on December 1, 1987, in Taipei. I have a loving family. My home is full of delights. Though every single member of my family is different from one another, are sweet in my mind. I have a gentle mother, handsome father, and a cute younger brother, who goes to junior high school. Many people said that I am resemble to my mother. In fact, my mother looks younger than she actually is, so when we go out together , some people offen consider that she is my sister ! My father was a soldier, and he was a stern disciplinarian. Each time I did something wrong, he punished me. But I now realize that it was all for my own good. Besides, both of my parents have a strong effect on my character: conscientious and optimistic. Not until the last minute come will I give up any opportunit. It is me!

My Hobbies
On holidays, I like to play computer games and listen to the classics music. That inrich my life, letting me keeping in a good mood. On the other hand, jog is a great hobby, too. Unlike most girls, I am good at sports, especially at jog. I once won the first in a race competition as I was a junior high school student.

My Studies
My freshman and sophomore years were especially enjoyable for they were highlighted by a very active participation in assorted extracurricular activities. In my final years at senior high school, I had to burn the midnight oil fairly regularly like most of my classmates. As to my studies, I always set attainable goals and try my best to reach it. Among all the subjects, I am more interested in Chinese. While, at present, I am managing to improve my English ability because I think English is more and more important in the future and it is a worldwide langue ago, too.

My Friends
I like to make friends where ever on the Interent or in the true life. In my school life, there are a lot of amiable teachers and humorous classmates, I feel delighted every day. By the way, I have a closed friend, who lives near my house. She is a smart and thoughtful girl, and we have the same interests and qualities. In fact, I have know her for about 8 years because we went to the same elementary school and the same junior high school. We also keep in touch with each other till now.

My Strong and Weak Points
First, I would like to describle my weak points first. For one thing, I am extremely superstitious by nature. Another of my shortcomings is my forgetfulness. I don't know how many wallets I've forgotten on trains, taxis and in restaurants. One more of my major fallings is that I am very short-tempered, frequently flying off the handle over the trivial things. And now for my strong points, I am extremely tidy in my habits and in the way I dress. I am also kind and helpful to people. As modesty happens to be another of my strong points, I think it would be advisable for me to cut short my talk.

My Aims in Life
I have two goals in my life what I am now striving to reach, and I believe that if I truly work hard, they can be realized. One is to make enough money to enable me to buy a small piece of land and build a nice house on it. The other is to marry a gentle man and raise a happy family There is no place more delightful than home. My aims maybe sound very commonplace and are lacking in originality, but I am not specially ambitious by nature. My reason for being so is that, people who are too amitious seldom succeed in finding true happiness.

附註：我是高三生，這是推薦學校要用的英文自傳，不過明天要先交到學校，希望各位大大能夠幫我看一下，謝謝^^

Answer 1

Autobiography My Family My name is xxx. I was borned in December 1, 1987, Taipei. I have a loving family. My home is full of delights. Though every single member of my family is different from one another,for me, I think that they are sweet. I have a gentle mother, handsome father, and a cute younger brother, who goes to junior high school. Many people said that I am resemble to my mother. In fact, my mother looks younger than her actual age, so when we go out together , some people offen consider that she is my sister ! My father was a soldier, and he was a stern disciplinarian. He punished me at times when I done something wrong. But I now realize that it was all for my own good. Besides, both of my parents brought a strong effect on my character: conscientious and optimistic. I would not give up anything by any means. My Hobbies On holidays, I like to play computer games and listen to classical music, which enriches my life, letting me remain in good mood. On the other hand, jogging is a great hobby, too. Unlike most girls, I am good at sports, especially at jogging. I once won the champion in a race competition when I was a junior high school student. My Studies My first two years were extremely enjoyable, especially for they were highlighted by a very active participation in assorted extracurricular activities. In my final years at senior high school, I had to burn the midnight oil fairly regularly like most of my classmates. As to my studies, I always set attainable goals and try my best to approach it. Among all the subjects, I am more interested in Chinese. While, at present, I am managing to improve my English ability because I think English is more and more important in the future and it is a worldwide language, too. My Friends I like to make friends where ever on the Interent or in the true life. In my school life, there are a lot of amiable teachers and humorous classmates, I feel delighted every day. By the way, I have a closed friend, who lives near my house. She is a smart and thoughtful girl, and we have the same interests and qualities. In fact, I have known her for about 8 years because we went to the same elementary school as well as the same junior high school. We also keep in touch with each other till now. My Strength and WeaknessFirst, I would like to describle my weakness. For one thing, I am extremely superstitious by nature. Another of my shortcomings is my forgetfulness. I don't know how many wallets I've left behind on trains, taxis and in restaurants. One more of my major fallings is that I am very short-tempered, frequently flying off the handle over the trivial things. However, referring to my strength, I am extremely tidy and at the way I dress. I am also kind and helpful to people. As modesty happens to be another of my strength, I think it would be advisable for me to cut my talk short. My Aims in Life I have two goals in my life that I am now striving to reach, and I believe that if I truly work hard, they can be approached. One is to make enough money to enable me to buy a small piece of land and build a nice house on it. The other is to marry a gentle man and raise a happy family. There is no place more delightful than home. My aims may sound very commonplace and are lacking in originality, but I am not specially ambitious by nature. My reason for being so is that, people who are too amitious seldom succeed in finding true happiness. P.S. we don't use "freshman...etc" to describe high schools but university