拜託請幫幫我-20點

Question

請幫我改正我文法ˋ修辭不好的部分&用詞錯誤的地方 (請盡量附上中文說明)
感謝!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear diary:
I went home yesterday. I was happy because I only two days at home. I recall my happy life in junior high school. I was very hate my school when I study because some student in the school is not good. “Lose to just know to cherish” is right I was so stupid but now is too late. I’ll love my new school life I don’t want to leave any regret.
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Dear diary:
I’ll go to my dormitory tonight. Compare with formerly me I think I change a lot. I’m not a timid man contrarily I’m a little expect to see my room-mate. Now I still want to go home everyday, but it was not behalf I afraid to leave my home. It was mean even if I complete my dormitory life I’ll not forget my family.

Answer 1

Dear Diary,I went home yesterday, I was happy because I need to stay at home for two days. The days in junior high school were carefree, but some students were just annoying （令人厭煩的）. People do not appreciate until they lose what they got. I was so stupid, but it was too late to regret. Now I learn to cherish the good days in this school, I will do my best to leave no regrets.1. Dear Diary: 你的朋友的英文名字是「日記」嗎？2.你的短文有許多意義突兀的地方令人不解。例如：一開始「你剛回到家」，又說「好在只住兩天」好像你很不情願住久點。但是第二篇文章結尾，又說你不願忘記自己的家庭。其次你說國中生活帶來快樂的回憶，但又立即改口說用強烈的字眼「我恨我的學校」。讀者看了這篇文章，有點不知所云。我把你的文章略做修飾，儘可能把突兀或者衝突的感覺降到最低。3. 在用字上還可以精鍊一些，譬如同一個字 "happy"可以改用其他相似字，如 " carefree " 代替。再如, " hate" 這個字過於強烈，改用 annoying (令人厭煩的），都是可以增加文章的可讀性。Dear Diary,I'll first visit the dorm tonight. I have changed a lot since coming to this school. I am not shy anymore, and eagerly meet my new roommate. Although having a room in the dorm, but I'll stay at home everyday. It does not mean I am not used to dorm life; I just want to spend the night with my folks （家人）.1. 還是文章結構的問題。每一個句子都沒太大問題，但句子與句子連在一起時，所表達的意思令人難以確實掌握。難道去會見一個新室友，又不是教官需要改變自己到再在膽怯的程度嗎？2. 與上一篇樣，用字方面需要更精確，避免受中文語意的支配。例如：「我每天回家，不『代表』我害怕離家」，不需要用" behalf "這個字。不在宿舍過夜，不表示「害怕」（afraid) 離家外宿，也是用字過於強烈。寫好英文之道無他，只有多讀好的英文文章。

Answer 2

dear diary 是寫日記的開頭吧...