批改修正英文作文”辦同學會”一篇~20點~急~謝謝

Question

請大家幫忙批改指教一下這篇指考英文作文"辦同學會"
看看這篇文法 單字 句型 片語哪邊有錯誤需要修改的
或者有更好的寫作 敘述方式
請大家給點意見和指教吧
因為有點急~20點
謝謝各位
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I am elected for organizer of our first class reunion. We decided the reunion will be on August 19th, from 2pm to 5pm, and the spot is a coffee shop near our senior high school. Everybody can drink an afternoon tea, chat about the old days and the recent condition, in passing update the address book.
I chosen this day through consulting everyone's activity plan many times, August 19th is accepted the most. Because the place is near our school, there will not have any problem on traffic. The coffee shop may not only offer a space to chat, but also order some pastries to eat. It is frugal and simple! Hope everyone can attend on time.
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中文的意思大概是這樣：

我被選為我們第一次同學會的主辦人。我們決定在8月19日舉行，從下午2點到5點，地點是我們高中附近的一家咖啡館。大家能喝喝下午茶，聊聊過去的日子和近況，順便更新通訊錄。
我諮詢過每個人的活動計畫很多次才選擇這一天，8月19日最被大家接受。因為地點是在我們的學校附近，交通上沒有任何問題。咖啡館不僅可以提供聊天場所，而且可以點一些點心來吃。它是經濟又單純的！希望每人都能準時參加。

Answer 1

Dear Ziv,你的英文的確表達了你的意思。但是在用字遣詞上，一方面顯冗贅，二方面還是脫不出「中式英文」的侷限。另外還有一些文法上的錯誤。學好英文之道無他，多讀好的英文著作，留心別人的用法。祝你學習精進。＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝I was elected as the orgnizer of the first-time class reunion party. The party will be held at a coffee shop near our school from 2 ~ 5 p.m. on August 29. While enjoying the afternoon tea, we could  talk about the funny things in old school days, what's happening to everyboday now; we could update with each other for any changes in phone numbers and addresses. After consulting with many people to avoid conflicts of schedules, I get most people accept August 19 as the reunion day. The venue（地點）is the coffee shop nearby our school, no one will get lost.  The charge for the desert is affordable （負擔得起的）, the menu is wondeful. Please show up on time.

Answer 2

I was elected as the organizer of our first class reunion. We decided that the reunion will be on August 19th, from 2pm to 5pm, at a coffee shop near our senior high school. Everybody can drink afternoon tea, chat about the old days and recent events, while updating the address book.

I chose this day after consulting with everyone's schedule many times, and August 19th seems to be the best day for most. Since the place is near our school, there should not be problems with transportation. The coffee shop is not only a place to chat, but we can also order some pastries to eat. It is frugal and simple! Hope everyone can attend on time.

ㄜ...如果真的是考題最好還是別抄吧...

2005-08-15 04:49:07 補充：
菜英文:

其實你改的不是很好ㄋㄟ...
有錯字跟其他錯誤用法/文法+少"the"...

(我在美國長大+唸大學)

Answer 3

大學指考英文作文題目...