急!幫我英文短文改錯?..........(20點)

Question

這是題目：topic:Some educators say that positive stimulus are more effective encouragements to learning than are negative.However many teachers and parents still believe that negativestimulus work better than rewards.Which approach do you prefer? Use examples to support your argument. 1.2.First of all,3.For example,4.Furthermore,5.For instance,6.Finally,7.For example,8.In summary, (用上面8句模式寫成一篇簡單短文)-----------------------------------------------------我所寫的...I hold of the opinion that positive stimulus are more effective encouragements to learning than are negative. First of all, there are many parents scold and punish their children in Taiwan. For example, the adolescent have much pressure from parents and teachers. Furthermore, the young adult will eschew anything. For instance, if students hadn’t been able to make a good score, they would have subjected to the punishment. Finally, many young adults abdicate their lessons. For example, if parents and teachers encourage adolescent more often, than they will brace up. In summary, positive stimulus are the greater influence for the young adult.以上須更正的地方...請英文高手幫我改錯>"<....3q

Answer 1

First of all, I believe that positive stimulus are more effective to encourage learning. If parents resort to negative stimulus to drive their children to learn well, for example through reprimand [責備] and penalty, they will treat learning an obligation in stead of something fun and interesting. For instance, how could parents make their son or daughter a cretive artist by pressing high scores in all examinations. Furthermore, there are a great number of experiments have proved that positive stiumulus are 120% more effective than negative sitmulus in K12 (Kindergarden to Grade 12) education. Finally we urge parents and teachers must abdincate [放棄] their time-honored [歷史悠久的] belief " spare the rod, spoil the child. " [孩子不打不成器]。

In summary, positive stimulus are proven approach in motivating people in all ages and all professions.