急！求人幫翻譯~贈20點~拜託了

Question

(標題跟某篇差不多，希望那位大大不要介意>.<~SORRY)
我下禮拜一(3/14)要演講了...還生不出稿來，想說先作中文稿，再請大家幫忙，感恩。
主題:Cell Phone and Me
開頭:Good afternoon everyone. My name is XXX. Today I would like to discuss a subject of Cell Phone and Me
中文稿:
手機！一個高科技產品，在學生中更是流行。我上高中時買下了第一支手機，對一個好奇的小孩，見識到手機的多功能，那是多興奮的事。尤其是我弟，他甚至認為那隻手機是他的。
當跟同學逛街、遊玩時，我認為以照相最實用！在無聊時，也可以玩手機遊戲(爪哇?)。在我的觀點看來，手機在某些時候是非常實用的，像一些"危機時刻"(停電，遇難等)。而大家都知道，只要不要太長舌把手機當室內電話般使用，那一切都還不錯。
但手機並不是完美的，有一些科學家提出，手機會製造對腦有害的少量輻射(ratiation?)；一些父母也認為手機只要可以通訊就夠了。我現在也開始這麼認為了。Why？因為我常常因為充電而忘了帶出來，以為自己搞丟了，緊張的要命，誰叫我貪新奇，買太貴。還有，在一些學生中，甚至還會互相比較誰的較貴較好，對父母真的造成很大的困擾。相信我，我可不會這麼做！
最後，手機對我幫助很大。有時要請假聯絡家長時、催朋友快到等。Wait！這樣看來好像也只有通訊重要嘛！這可不是一個好結尾，可是手機雖日新月異(越來越好)，最重要的功能還是通訊嘛~至少我這麼認為。
手機！一個你不會想錯過的高科技展品。(完)
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開頭+內容要2分~2分30秒說.....不知道有沒有到@@"
我有些地方講起來會怪怪的，希望大大能順便幫我調一下囉~感激你。

我自己也在翻了，不過我同學說有點怪怪的>"<
所以想請英文高手幫忙~！

Answer 1

主題:Cell Phone and Me 開頭:Good afternoon everyone. My name is XXX. Today I would like to discuss a subject of Cell Phone and Me 建議你不要使用以上的字句，因為這無法吸引評審的注意力，我提供你一段：Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests. My number is．．．（比賽應該是號碼吧！）My topic is "Cell phone and me."手機，一個驚人的高科技產品，在學生中更是流行。Cellular phone, a marvelous invention of technology, is very popular among the students.我上高中時買下了第一支手機，I bought my first one when I entered the senior high school,對一個好奇的小孩（改成青少年比較好！），見識到手機的多功能，那是多興奮的事。For a curious teenager, it was exciting for me to experience the multiple functions of the phone.尤其是我弟，他甚至認為那隻手機是他的。（改成＂我弟也想要一支＂比較好！）Even my young brother wanted to have one. 當跟同學逛街、遊玩時，我認為以照相最實用！The camera is of practical use when I go out with friends.在無聊時，也可以玩手機遊戲(爪哇?)。Whenever I feel bored, I can play some games.在我的觀點看來，手機在某些時候是非常實用的，In my point of view, the cell phone is really useful in some ways像一些"危機時刻"(停電，遇難等)。such as some emergency situations like power failure. 而大家都知道，只要不要太長舌把手機當室內電話般使用，那一切都還不錯。 As everybody knows, cell phones are good as long as we don't use them as  indoor phones.但手機並不是完美的，However, cell phones are not that perfect.有一些科學家提出，Some scientists have mentioned that手機會製造對腦有害的少量輻射(ratiation?)；the phone produce radiations that are harmful to human brains. 一些父母也認為手機只要可以通訊就夠了。Some of the parents consider that communication will suffice.我現在也開始這麼認為了。And now I have the same feeling.Why？因為我常常因為充電而忘了帶出來，For I usually forget to take it with me以為自己搞丟了，緊張的要命，and I feel the tense as I think I might lost it somewhere.誰叫我貪新奇，買太貴。Because I tend to follow the trend and buy it with a high price.還有，在一些學生中，甚至還會互相比較誰的較貴較好，對父母真的造成很大的困擾。In addition, students compare each others' cell phone in styles and prices which puzzled the parents.相信我，我可不會這麼做！ I bet I would not do things like that.最後，手機對我幫助很大。（應該指出一個特點，方便！）Last but not the least, the cell phone is really helpful and convenient有時要請假聯絡家長時、催朋友快到等。whenever we want to contact our parents for leaves and also to urge a friend for the appointment.Wait！這樣看來好像也只有通訊重要嘛！Wait! It seems that I put emphasis on the communication part!這可不是一個好結尾，This is not the ending I want.可是手機雖日新月異(越來越好)，Although the appearances of the phones become better and better,最重要的功能還是通訊（基礎的）嘛~至少我這麼認為。 the most important and basic function of it would never changed----communication.手機！一個你不會想錯過的高科技產品。(完) Cell phone, a great product of high-tech, you wouldn't want to miss it!我覺得你內容不錯～不過到最後你的主題有點偏離了喔！主題是＂Cell phone and me＂～到最後就有點亂掉了～～看你要不要修改一下，還有結尾的部分也有點怪～希望你可以改成更有力的結論喔！！︿︿

Answer 2

Stanza
希望你能幫我解決這篇問題...謝謝
http://tw.knowledge.yahoo.com/question/question?qid=1607032010556

Answer 3

我只翻了兩段，因為後面的文字太口語化...有點讓我不知所云="=我建議你可以把你的文章po上來 在請各位高手幫你修改 會比較有效率歐!希望有幫上忙^^

A cell phone, which is popular among students, is a high-tech product. I bought my first cell phone when I was in senior high school. It was such an excited matter that a curious child experienced the function of the cell phone. Especially my younger brother, he even regarded the cell phone as his own stuff.
As far as I am concerned, I think that the function of taking pictures is most useful when going out with friends. We can also play cell phone games when we are bored. Most important, a cell phone is very practical on some urgent occasions, such as a power cut or in distress. What’s more, as everybody know, as long as we are not too loquacious , cell phones must be very functional.