My girlfriend of 1.5 years has someone who she says is now just a friend but who keeps calling and texting her(once a week or so). this guy took her virginity but is now married to someone else, nevertheless he feels the need to stay in contact. he is in the military now and stationed in texas but I can't help but feel that he is holding on for a future rondeveau when he is done. she tells me that he calls her frequently and on at least one occasion has requested that she talk dirty to him to which she said she declined. also she says he keeps telling her how things are going bad with his marriage. from my experience guys do not generally want to be friends with exes unless they still want something else too. am i crazy and reading into this too much? things are going very well between us and I don't want that to change but I really want this guy to just go away. how do I effectively tell her that I'm not cool with this?
2007-08-23 16:25:40 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
When it is over ... it should be over. This married man should not be texting another woman discussing any issues concerning his marriage, nor should he ask for any favors. It says a lot about his character. He is not a good person and should not be trusted. Your girl, probably really loves you, but doesn't have the strength to tell this guy he is a jerk and to go to hell. She is probably weak for him because he was her first. Try to be understanding. However, she should NOT be contacting him or responding to him in any fashion. YOU can not control this man and you cannot control your girlfriend. YOU can only control you. So do just that. Be confident in your relationship, let your girl know your expectations and don't worry about a married man who is away in the military. Keep your head UP!
2007-08-23 16:36:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's time to grow a pair and set her straight as to what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship. Sometime you just need to get mad.
1) Tell her exactly how her contact with him makes you feel and don't be shy about it. Be open and honest even if it brings tears to your eyes. She needs to know.
2) Don't pay any attention to what she says. Pay attention to what she does. Once you have poured your heart out to her, she should consider your feelings if she has feelings for you. Let her know that she needs to break all contact with him if she doesn't want you to break all contact with her. She has no need to have a relationship with him when she has a relationship with you. He is yesterday's business and yesterday is gone.
3) Before you say anything to her, pack some stuff and be prepared to leave (or say goodbye if your not shacking up) just to let her know that your serious and mean what you say. She needs to see this to know that your serious otherwise she may just call your bluff.
It's best that you find out now how she is going to react instead of trying to fix this problem after you marry her. At least now you can escape unscathed.
Good Luck
.
2007-08-23 23:46:11 · answer #2 · answered by Fade To Black 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
boy i smell trouble look she should get the pic. and stop that "friendship" that guy shouldn't be looking for a new wife if he hasn't gotten rid of the first. let her know that you don't want anyone to be disrespecting his girlfriend like that. if you want i could talk to her cause i had this childhood friend and he is 20 and i am 18 and we had lost touch and once we met again he saw me as a women and not a friend anymore. i don't see him that way because he was like a brother to me since i don't have any. he would invite me to the movies a lot and my boyfriend was not ok with that but i never listened to him but i wouldn't go either. the point is that now i see what he is trying to do and i don't talk to him cause he would call me and tell me he broke up with his girl to try to get with me and i don't want him to get my cell # cause i have a good relationship w/ my man and i am not gonna let some piece of s*** ruin my relationship with the guy i love. Tell your girl to write to me rmagpie28@yahoo.com good luck
2007-08-23 23:40:34 · answer #3 · answered by M-D-H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with your girlfriend. She needs to tell her ex that she now has another man in her life and moved on, the woes in his marriage aren't her problem either. It sounds as if he is wanting a set of arms to fall into when his marriage does finally fall apart.
2007-08-23 23:32:05 · answer #4 · answered by Monkey007 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well for us girls just telling us how u feel abt things will make us understand u guys better.. so just say this... "hon, u know i feel very uncomfortable, wen he calls u and i really feel that he wants more than just being friends thing with u"... and im not saying that u want him in that way as well and i know that u r not at fault and i really dont like him"... n u kiss her and hug her and tell her that u loe her and the next day u buy her something nice to show that u are not thinking wrong of her...
just talking to her abt this will show her how much u love her and she will herself decided not to talk to him nemore...
2007-08-23 23:33:49 · answer #5 · answered by beautysexychick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her just what you did here - that you are uncomfortable with this and that people (men and women) don't normally keep calling their ex's and askign them to talk dirty if they aren't trying to keep that door open for future use. And "use" is just what he is doing - he is using her and not focusing on his marriage. I would ask her to tell him that she values his friendship but that she is going to focus on her current relationship for now and ask him not to call. Then hopefully she will stop taking his calls. If she refuses or keeps taking the calls then maybe she is trying to keep that door open too. So, keep your eyes open.
2007-08-23 23:32:10 · answer #6 · answered by geminijeanna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should sit down with your gf and explain how much this bothers you. I think it is wrong of her to continue to speak to this guy since it is beyond platonic. If she can't understand why you feel the way you do and refuses to ditch the ex, then she does not deserve you and you should move on.
2007-08-23 23:31:09 · answer #7 · answered by Peace and Blessings 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He still has feelings for her but if she is with YOU then you have nothing to worry about because if she wanted him she would be with him. Just tell her exactly how you feel, you've been with her for a long time so i think that you can honestly tell her that you dont want her talking to him and you dont want him calling her anymore.
2007-08-23 23:31:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Show her this e-mail. You are right. This guy at the very best is unfaithful in his marriage. He can not be good for your sweetheart in any way, and she does not have to put up with him for any reason. And neither do you.
2007-08-23 23:31:35 · answer #9 · answered by shirleykins 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think everybody EXCEPT betty made a good point, i will co-sign there answers
2007-08-23 23:36:47 · answer #10 · answered by Out My Mind 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋