How can I be in love with two men?

Question

First of all this is not a typical situation. I love my husband and have stuck by him through everything and I believe once you marry someone they are your life through good times and bad. My husband has instigated some of the situations leading up to this. I am a confident person and happy with myself. At times I know I deserve better than what my husband puts into our relationship. I have always thought that the good times out weighed the bad. The fact is my husband would like to see me in bed with someone else and he would like for me to allow him the same. I find that morally wrong and degrading.He constantly trys to show off my body to his friends saying when they admire me it makes him feel that much more proud that I am his wife. I have fallen in love with our mutual friend of 7 yrs. Nothing is hidden from my husband, he openly knows how our friend feels about me and promotes the flirting that happens between the two of us. How could I believe I wouldn't fall for him?

I feel that in 8 years of marriage we could be a lot further than we are.I don't feel like his priorities have ever been where they need to be. I don't feel like my husband is giving equal amounts of dedication. I have always felt like I have given him more love than he has wanted to give back. I love him and have never cheated and I feel like it is wrong to do that. On the other hand I can't be certain that he hasn't even though he has always claimed he hasn't. The other guy wants me in his life and even though I have made it clear that I do admire him but that if we had met under different circumstances it would definitely work. I told him that being together would change everything and would hurt a lot of people. He says he understands that I have more to lose than he does. We relate on so many levels intellectually, spiritually, family values and raising children and how we feel about love and relationships and life. I love him but don't want to ruin our friendship either.

Too fully understand this situation I guess you would have to know everything that's happened in the last nine years. You would have to see how myself and each of these men relate. You would have to see the pain and the good moments of the marriage. That I would do anything for him even sacrifice my own needs for his. Is that not love? And on the other hand you would have to see how the other man treats me and how he respects me and how we relate and if given the opportunity we love each other and could make a relationship work. But how can you walk away from a marriage you spent 8 years building and have so much time and dedication put into it. For a life with someone else you know would be good to you and would love you for who you are beneath the skin. It seems my husband loves sex, racecars andalcohol. But there are times when the love for me comes out and I feel it like it was at the beginning.How can I decide which one is the real thing? It's just so confusing!

Answer 1

You're not.

Answer 2

for one thing,your husband should be proud of you! you have the guts to ask other people about your private life. on the other hand,if he's trying to push you into an open relationship, it means that there is already a third wheel in your marriage and he's trying to find a way to justify it. explain to him your concerns about this and how you feel that marriage is a sacred bond between you and no one else. just come out and ask him that if he's so proud of you being his wife,why is he trying to hand you out to all these other people! and personally i think you have fallen for this other guy because he is offering you all that your husband is not right now.you don't really love him, you love the idea of being loved.i hope everything works out for you.

Answer 3

u know better wats right and wrong... serving 2 masters at the same time is a big problem... y should he (ur husband) of all people, instigate of u having or flirting wid anyone? sounds weird as if he's selling u2 the highest bidder? i think somethings worng wid ur relationship.. u better talk n sort things out... is this what u want in a long and lasting relationship as husband n wife? 4 the both of u to be open to flirting with anyone??? are u amendable to this open relationship? if not, better sit down with him and discuss this as thorough as possible... don't want to have failed marriages... think about ur kids (do u have any?) about wat others wud say? and also the consequences...

Answer 4

Do you really think you are in love with two men? It sounds to me like you may have fallen out of love with your husband a long time ago.

Answer 5

well fromw hat i have read its very sad and i feel for you. but i guess you could hurt alot of people but you are the one that has to live in this world. can you and this fellow make it i am not sure this hubby of yours is very honest maybe he feels like he owns you like furniture and therefore that is n't good yes, he will fight for you and stuff but hes not really caring like heshould be and trading you off like that. is the other guy going to do this? well you need alot ofcommunication and then take yourself to a better level then this good luck

Answer 6

Dreemyr99,

I had and experienced I would like to share with you seems to me we have the same thing. I have been marriage 6 yrs now to my husband whose aged is older than me by 16. I am 25 now, slim body built, still very attractive personality and our married life with my husband is very wonderful. We both sexually active, and socially acquinted with some of our friends. I said it because we loved each other, we understand each others need, we are very open to our sex life, we adopted what we thought beneficial to our relationship as husband and wife and have responsible parents to our kids, We are not conservative to view as others’ couples did. We regularly dating as like we were doing before we got married before, had planned sex dates every three months outside the city leaving our kids at home to our baby setter and our mother for weekend. While doing our fun outside our home, we have relaxed and refresh our selves from the stresses we have got in our workload. I admitted that the relationship of husband and wife as goes on, the magic of sex is slowly fading that needs something we can not find in our bed at home to regain what was lost. Recently, I resigned from job and focus my self attending our homes to see our kids are properly taking care of because we believe their futures are to stake. That’s how we are fortunate having each other who cares for our strong relationship as year goes on.
What we have in common with my husband, we are often to discuss things affecting our relationship if things going wrong, our work and even our family & financially matters. Here, we don’t see any problem affecting our married because we believe an often communication will patch-up any problem when in trouble If both of you have highly respect each other.
We had tried whatever experiments the couples in minds to enhance our sexual activity and even having fantasies. It was him who persuaded me to fantasize as I felt guilt in the start to do his suggestion I was never been with other man in bed with me since my life but I had used to fantasize later when needed. In our 6 years marriage, I had never been closed to male friends as I respect too much my husband to get jealous and look me down. He brought me to some night parties with his friends, and sometimes we ended up at home for fun. He is proud of me to dress-up and show some of my bare body parts so his male friends can noticed me my natural beauty and sexiness. He also likes me to flirt to his male friends and initiates how I would have been danced with any one got an interested of me during parties.

Three days after my 25 birthday a year ago, I was surprised for his gift. He had arranged a sex date to me with his male closed sport buddy in his early 30’s. In the start, I refused to accept because I was afraid it might be a trapped. But because of his persuations and promises to still love me aftermath, continuous respect to our married relationship and most to preserve our family, I agreed and asked him what compromises I will give in return? He requested me only to allow him watching me having sex with his male friend. But I told him I did not have the feeling to be comfortable being watched, and his male friend refused also. He later abandoned his idea but I would tell him of all details what had happened and then that's the time he allowed me and his male friend left spent the one night full of sex in the resort hotel about 45 minutes ride from our home. Believed me for my 6 years of married I was never being screwed for many times but the guy with me had strong an extra energy than my husband he had me full of fun and excitements I really can not imagined how I fully satisfied being making love to a guy even my husband in my life. When I was home and I told my husband all the details what had had happened to me and his guy, he got aroused instantly and fondly kissing me, hugs me and he make love to me again and again and again.
Until now our married is still stronger after that, we still loved each other, we respect each other. We lived together happily as like nothing was happened. But the gift my husband gave I really treasured and that guy was already immigrated to work in another country after three months of our date.

This happened to me I hope only give you an insight but I honestly ask you if your husband has total control of his jealous feeling and still accept you whole heartily once it happened what he is expecting you?