Wedding Ring Problem?

Question

In my excitement to plan my wedding and upcoming marriage, I decided to start talking about wedding ring shopping when our two families met for dinner. My soon to be mother in law tells me that she has already purchased our wedding rings as a gift to us. I was stunned. I am not being snooty or ungrateful, but I thought this should have been a decision and experience that my fiance and I should have shared together.

I have not even seen what it looks like, it could very well be what I wanted, but I just wanted to have some say about it. Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I stressing over nothing or just plain over reacting?

I didn't say anything when I heard this news. What should I do?

Answer 1

Unless your fiance went with Mother to purchase these, as wonderful as a wedding gift this is, Mother overstepped her boundries.
You & her son are going to have to tell Mother that though you very much appreciate her gift, this is something that is VERY personal to you both; something you must not only look at for the rest of your lives but represents your love for each other & your own personal tastes. You needed to be consulted on the matter.

Find out where they were purchased and exchanged them for what you do want.
Now expect Mother to get her feathers r-e-a-l-l-y ruffled and you may be even thought of as an ungrateful. But when Mother comes to her senses, I should think she would understand. If not, you may have more than just this problem.... on your hands

Answer 2

First and foremost, talk to your fiance. Lack of communication will only make things worse, find out if he had anything to do with it and if he did help pick out the rings. Then look at them, if they are something you like and would have picked yourself, great; if not, see if the jewelry store can exchange them or accept a return. However, make sure you AND your fiance tactfully explain to your soon to me mother-in-law how you feel about this. There are many things to consider in this situation: your feelings, his feelings, her feelings and of course the amount of importance you truly place on this issue. If you do decide to keep the rings she purchased, consider going together to have something special and personal engraved on the inside of the bands. That way you may not have picked them, but they will be special and personalized for you. Good luck and congrats on the upcoming wedding!

Answer 3

Well, a gift certificate for the jewelry store might have been a better idea. Is it possible you can exchange them if you don't like them? I have never heard of the groom's mother buying the wedding rings before. That's a new one.

I think you should talk to your fiance and see what he thinks. Is it possible that you are getting an interfering mother in law or was she just trying to do a nice thing?

Answer 4

It's a bit unusual for someone to buy the rings without input from the bride and groom. Discuss it with your fiance first and see if he helped pick out a ring you'll like. If she just went out a bought them on her own, then you need to decide if you trust her taste in jewellry. With a wedding ring, simplicity is best, that way there's no mistaking it for some other kind of ring. So unless your mother in law tends towards the extravagant, I wouldn't worry too much. It's a nice gesture to pay for the rings, but the etiquette got mangled by not seeking some input.

Answer 5

That is very strange for you mother in law to buy your rings for you. She should have offered and then taken the 2 of you to pick them out. She sounds a little controlling. I say wait and see them first. But do it soon. And if the rings are not something that you would have picked for yourself. Talk to your fiance about it and how to approach his mother about it. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 6

I say it's just not right for a mother in law to choose, that is just something too intimate , tell him if he can't afford to do it a different way then to at least let you go to a used store and pick one put yourself with him otherwise don't trust the upcoming marriage i did and he ended up being more her husband than mine including in the bedroom the sicko!

Answer 7

I would probably feel that way too, but did your fiance help her pick them out? If she didn't even ask his opinion, then I think she definitely overstepped. I know her intentions were good but she needs to be more thoughtful. Now is the time to sort those things out....and it shouldn't come from you. It needs to come from your fiance, her son. She will take it alot better coming from him. But wait until you see the rings. Afterall, she could have great taste and they could be gorgeous! You never know.

Answer 8

That is very weird that the wedding bands were purchased by your mother inlaw and without you knowing or seen it. I would be stressed out to because it is a wedding band that you and your husband picks out together and will wear forever.

Answer 9

I would talk to your fiance.

I would also want to see the rings that she purchased for you both.

Is she allowing you to put your own engraving on it?

I'm shocked that she purchased them. If anything, she should have said that she will buy your wedding rings once you have picked them out.

I would hurry with your decision. If you like the rings and can engrave them with YOUR choices, then thank her. If you don't like them, then your fiance needs to chat with FMIL immediately so she can return them. Thank her for the offer, but mention you both wanted to pick them out yourselves.

Answer 10

that is very, VERY odd!

the rings are the only things that are going to be around in your daily life for the next 50 years of marriage ( :) ). that is a very permanent gift and i really do not think she should have done that.

she should have gone about it a different way, perhaps pay for them after you picked them out, if she really want to pay for them.

I would be very ....stressed to say the least and would ask your groom to talk to him momma. this is really a decision you two should have done, she really went out on this one.