No interest in sex?

Question

I have been married to my husband for 2 1/2 years and we have a 22 month old together. I haven't wanted to have sex for about 4 months now. I recently was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Could my mental health be affecting my sexual health? My husband is very irritated at my lack of interest. Should I have sex and pretend that I want to? I don't want to hurt him or upset him, but he is wondering why I haven't been up to it. Any ideas or suggestions?

i am taking 20mg of lexapro daily

Answer 1

get him a girlfriend

Answer 2

Sweetheart, I think that happens a lot after a woman has a baby. Perhaps it is the problems of carrying a baby, the pain involved in having it and then the trauma the vagina went through with the baby and probably being cut.

Depression most definitely will affect your sex drive as well as anxiety.

Have you talked to your doctor? I would recommend doing that as soon as possible.

I would also recommend that you have sex with your husband. You may not be up to it or you may not get the "good feeling"......but......your husband needs sex and not the type where you ask "are you through yet"? Put all the effort you can muster into it. You might be surprised how you begin to come around.

Last but not least, your husband WILL get sex one way or another. Sorry to be blunt but men just have a much higher sex drive than most women and it is a very different type of drive than a woman has.

Let me recommend also that you and hubby get a baby sitter and go to a nice motel. It might just work wonders. Try it. Good luck. Pops

Answer 3

Yes your mental health issues play a big part in this lack of desire. Depression can cause you to lose interest in things that you have always enjoyed. No you shouldn't have sex and pretend to like it. You should talk to your husband about it and try to explain what you are feeling. If you can't explain or he doesn't understand, make an appointment to talk it over together with a counselor. An un-biased opinion can often help each of you see things from the other's perspective.

I went through the same thing. I lost interest in sex for a while. But I found that if I did go through with it because I felt bad for him, I ended up enjoying it just as much as he did. I didn't pretend to enjoy it, I really did. You may not be in the mood before hand, but sometimes just getting started will change that. And the fact that you are willing to try will show your husband that you do care.

Good luck =)

Answer 4

all of the things that you listed can affect your libido. Depression has a major affect on sex drive as does being on the wrong anti-depressant.

Not to mention that having a child tires you out. I went through the same thing and it caused problems in my relationship with my husband.

My son is now 4, I am getting off of my anti-depressant and have started back to the gym. All of these things have had a positive impact on my libido and slowly my sex life with my husband is improving.

Answer 5

Yes, your mental health can (and usually does) play heavily into your sexual health. Depression is more than just a mental state, it is also a physical state.
I understand and can appreciate his situation. My first wife hated sex. Twice a year was more than enough for her. If you try and meet him on this and don't end up enjoying the experience, it will probably be just as unenjoyable for him as well. (For me, it came off feeling me like rape.) My recommendation is to seek help. Go to your family doctor or your GYN. If they cannot manage this for you, they can at least send you in the right direction. It's supposed to be the spice of life not a chore. The two biggest killers of a marriage are sex and money. Get some help! You won't regret it.

Answer 6

depression ABSOLUTELY affects your sex drive. unfortunately, so do anti-depressants. If you are on an anti-depressant and it is making your sex drive go down, talk to your doctor about trying a different one. Wellbutrin has the least sexual side effects. If you are not on an anti-depressant, think about doing that so that you can start to feel better and get your confidence back, all of which will help you in the area of sex. But understand why your husband is upset - he's probably taking it personally, while you are just trying to take care of yourself. Be open and communicate often with him about it.

Answer 7

Sexual dysfunction is a common side effect of such medications: see depression treatments at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on page 2, and anxiety on page 6: I would slowly taper off its use, with medical advice, and use those techniques, supplements, and possibly herbal remedies. In the meantime, consider using a water soluble lubricant, taking Gingko Biloba, and also Damiana or Horny Goat Weed. You husband's needs should be considered: this is a common cause of men straying from their women. Marriage should be about give and take. Also see http://askemilyanything.com

Answer 8

Depression can definitely effect your sex drive. What is scary most depression medication will DEFINITELY make your interest in sex drop. The fact that you have a young child to chase after all day can tire you out and that can make your sex drive drop. But making love is very important. Love is most important. But making love will make you forget about depression. And when your husband starts trying to love on you... if you will just let him, within a couple minutes you will be glad you did. Don't push him away so quickly. Depression makes you not wanna make love because you are sad and don't feel good about yourself, you don't feel sexy, and your mind is just elsewhere. But if you just let your husband slowly walk you to that special place you will be so glad you did. Talk to him, that will make all the difference in the world. Tell him your not feeling good about yourself, and you don't feel attractive when you feel that way. He will understand he has to take it a little slower, put a little more love and romance in it. And remind you how sexy you are to him. Communication is very important, especially with sexual health. Tell your partner what feels good, lead him. Let him lead you, and explore each other inwardly and outwardly, and making love will come back with all its zest. You'll be back laying in the bed wondering if you should let him sleep, or wake him and ravish him, because you almost can't stand waiting :)

Answer 9

Of course your mental health has to do with your sex drive! This isn't your fault, but you might want to bring it up next time you see your doctor or therapist, because it could be related to medications you might be on for your conditions. It could be a sign your meds aren't right yet, and the doctor should be able to help you change the situation. Good luck; I know how hard it is trying to live your life like everyone else while you're having to worry about so much with yourself.

Answer 10

Yes.

Your mental health has a direct impact on your sex drive. So does your emotional health. It could be as simple as the depression, could be unresolved issues from a fight.

Could simply be stress.

Should you "just have sex" with him? That's a toughy.
How do you feel about cuddling and being close without sex?
How does he?

Spend a few nights cuddling and touching, without anything overtly sexual, and you may become aroused enough to "run away very slowly."

One thing to keep in mind, a couple does need periodic sex (of a friendly/romantic nature) to keep their relationship strong.

However, before you just lay down "and think of Queen and Country," speak to your doctor. If you are on meds, he may be able to alter the perscription. Meds also have been known to cause the supression of one's libido.

Answer 11

Sex is 90% mental and 10% physical. I don't think you should just pretend, but sex is an important part of your relationship with your husband. Not only does it offer mutual pleasure, it also fosters intimacy.
Since you are obviously seeing a doctor about your condition maybe you should talk with him/her or get a referal to someone who can help the two of you. Not only can a doctor help you with this, but can help explain to your husband why you are having problems.