Me and my boyfriend been together for several years now. My boyfriend had another child by another woman. He is five years old now. Due to the differences my boyfriend had with his son's mother, he decided that the son come and move with me and him (in which he didn't sit down with me to discuss). I love his son very much and his son likes me a lot. The son is having trouble in school(for example: not following directions, not listening to the teacher, not doing his work, kicking, cursing in class sometimes). His mother picks him up only on the weekends. She could care less on his behavior in school. She knows about his behavoir, but she is rather my boyfriend to go up to the school to talk to his teacher. I tried everything that I could about his behavoir. My boyfriend tries to discipline him, but it only works for that moment in time. I am with the son most of the time. He is a handful. I feel that I do not have any help from my boyfriend or his mother. They both want me to be mom.
2007-05-20 15:03:31 · 7 answers · asked by shybutnaughty 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
You knew he had a child.... you are second and should be. This is his son and his first priority. He didn't have to discuss it with you.
You need to work on being his mom... because it sounds like he needs one and if you intend to stay with his dad then that is the role you have taken.
If you can't handle being second then move on. His child doesn't need to have to compete with you. You are the adult and should behave as so realizing the child always comes first.
2007-05-20 17:15:26 · answer #1 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This seems pretty tough. Being a daughter that is kinda in a family setting like this it isnt very easy. My mom pretty much has to discipline his older son. Maybe sitting down and talking to both of the parents about it might help or maybe a parenting class or some kind of anger management or something for the child? A 5 year old should not be cursing, where is he learning this from.
2007-05-20 22:12:46 · answer #2 · answered by Brae T 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sweetie, I have to respond. First of all I read some of the prior comments made and I have to say to you: Don't let this get you down. Some of the people are right, if you're going to be with this man this is something you're going to have to deal with. As far as these comments about putting the child first, no one has seemed to do that except for you from what I read. The boy is probably acting out because he needs more attention and caring from his parents and they don't really see it. As far as him not discussing his child living with you, he didn't need permission, but out of courtesy, he should have sat down and prepared you for what was coming. Now you have a lot on your plate. If you love your man and his son, keep doing what you can. But if it ever gets to be too much, let them go. I don't agree with a lot of what Colleen said, but she is right about you not being his step mother. You are merely a woman figure in his life and you do not have any obligations to him. Since you love them, try and hang in there.
2007-05-21 00:59:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you've been appointed the responsible adult in this youngster's life. You probably can't be allowed to talk with the boy's teachers by yourself since you aren't legally responsible for him. You might try getting bf to take you with him to a parent-teacher conference so you can learn more about what's going on get some recommendations about how best to help or about what kind of professional help might be needed. Other than that, your options seem kind of limited, despite how much you care and want to help. Good luck.
2007-05-21 11:32:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all WHY was it up to your BOYFRIEND to discuss HIS son moving into HIS home with you? You're not married to this guy, he can move anyone he wants to move into the home, without discussing it with you. Secondly it is up to your boyfriend to discipline HIS son and I don't think you should be watching him all the time, your boyfriend needs to place him into a day care because again YOU are not the child's mother and regardless of his mother's role in his life YOU are not it. Of course this boy is going to be a "handful" because you're not even his stepmother therefore you really have not authority over the child. You mention him being a "step-son" but he isn't your step-son, you have to be married to his father in order to be his step-mother, to him all you are is the woman his father is currently living with...and as he gets older you'll only be the woma his father is "phucking". That's pretty much what you get when you live with someone and their children move in.
2007-05-20 22:52:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
a lot of families have this exact same problem - and you have the most heart for the little kid. I would suggest some kind of family counseling for you, your man, and his son. Make agreements that you will follow. Play therapy is good for kids. Also - kids act out to get attention from their parents - and they also play one parent against the other without meaning to.
Just don't play monkey in the middle - it will come back to haunt you. The bottom line is the boy is not your responsibility. Someone is using you so they don't have to.
2007-05-20 22:36:46 · answer #6 · answered by beach 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This sounds like an ADHD child or either he's just lashing out for attention talk to the doctor about his behavoral probs! set the rules make a chart for him to go by like following directions from home/ talk to teacher and see if she/he thinks about ADHD
2007-05-20 22:13:15 · answer #7 · answered by Jennifer B 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋