Must I give notice if having a friend over to our apartment?

Question

So I'm wondering what, if any, is the appropriate etiquette/response in this situation:

I was playing golf with a few friends. After we finished, we were going to go get dinner, and I had invited my girlfriend along. My friends and I decided that we would swing by my apartment, giving them a chance to play with our dog for a few minutes, pick up my girlfriend there, and then all go out to dinner.

However, my girlfriend was adamant that my friends couldn't come in. She said the apartment was too dirty. I thought it looked fine. Instead, my friends waited outside for a while.

She says that I should have to give her "adequate" notice. I called 10 minutes before we got there. More importantly, since I'm paying half the rent, and it's my apartment too, I think I should be able to have friends over whenever.

So... after this long narrative - advice? Do I have to give notice? Do I have a right to have people over at any time?

I should note that we didn't decide to drop by, wait, then call 10 minutes before we got there. Life happens - the decision was made spontaneously, I called right away, and we got there 10 minutes later.

Answer 1

It's generally more polite to give more notice than 10 minutes seeing as it's your girlfriend. If your house was messy that would have been embarassing for the both of you. While one in a while inpromptu get-togethers are ok, run things by her as well. You may pay half the rent, but she pays the other half. She may also need to compromise more. Talk to her about her feelings on guests and lay down some house rules.

Answer 2

Personally, I like having a little advance warning when my boyfriend has someone over. (We split the rent equally too, by the way.) If I know someone is coming, I'll usually do a quick once-over to make sure the place doesn't look really bad, and if it's in messier-than-usual shape, I'll usually tell my boyfriend that the place isn't in the best condition and to let him use his own judgement. Most of the time, we just warn a friend that the place isn't in the best shape, and they tend to say it doesn't matter.

If someone is coming over for dinner or something more like an extended stay at our place, I like more notice because then it gets embarrassing if someone is there for a while. But if it's just a stop by to pick someone up and stay for a few minutes, that's different.

You guys should define some rules about what you're okay with and what you're not okay with. Giving notice is always a good thing, and I think it should be appreciated if it's more than 5 minutes in advance, but more is always nice. Unstandable if not possible though. And you definitely have a right to have people over, but still while being respectful to your girlfriend too. I'm sure you would like her to be respectful of the fact that it's your place too, so letting each other know what is fine and what's not sounds like a good plan.

Answer 3

If this was just a roommate maybe you could argue rights, since this is also a girlfriend that could be a really good way to tank your relationship. Get a clue, if you get married you will have to give decent notice for bringing anyone to the house, for coming home late from work, for spending money on anything bigger than lunch, etc.......... If you want the right to do what you want when you want you will need to stay single, and in your own home. Relationships always come at a cost, and are only good if you make an effort on your end to make things work.

Answer 4

Your Gf is like many other women and feel that the apartments aappearence is very important....especially when company is coming over your idea of fien and hers are probably a little different. From now on let her konw there's a chance so and so will be by later...so she can tidy up enough to have pople in the house. YOu may pay rent tooin that apartment but apparently you dont help clean enough....or else she wouldnt have had an excuse....

Answer 5

You and your girlfriend need to come to an agreement on what is adequate notice. The decision needs to be made by both of you. This is a tough call to make. You should be able to have friends over when you want to, but she should be able to have her privacy when she wants it. After you decide how much notice is adequate, you shouldn't have any more problems.

Answer 6

You can invite people over ANY time you want. Try to keep the house neat all of the time, just in case of circumstances like that.

I think it was rude to make your friends wait outside. So what if they see a little mess? I don't think people expect people's establishments to be sparkling clean 100% of the time, especially since this was not something planned a few days in advance.

Answer 7

it would be the polite thing to give at least 20 minutes of notice if someones going to drop by and at least 2 hours if they are coming over to eat! it makes life a lot easier for the woman/man that keeps the home.

Answer 8

You pay half the rent so you can bring over anybody you like!! I find it very rude of her to leave your quests standing outside !! Why should you have to give notice she's your girlfriend not your mother !! Next time tell her if she doesn't like it she can stand outside and wait until your ready !! How do you think she would like it?? You must have been embarrassed by her childish behavior !! So what if the apartment wasn't up to her standards I'm sure your guests wouldn't have even noticed !! Your girlfriend is very RUDE !!

Answer 9

What you did is not unfair. This should teach her to keep the apartment clean at all times in case someone just pops in on rare occasions.

Answer 10

yes i agree with you you should have the right to invite your friends like she has the right to do so. i think your girlfriend is being a little hypocritical. but then again if i had a room mate that invited my ex-girl or something i would be pissed. maybe your girl friend has something against your friend.