SIDS? What to do or say?

Question

My friend lost her baby today to what is apparently SIDS. I feel so helpless, not to bring anyone else down with me. I will be going to the funeral, in NJ ( I live in PA). Financially I cannot offer alot to her, as we were both out of work this past week since both of our kids were sick. She and her husband arent doing well financially either. He lost his job around the holidays and they are living in a shelter together with their oldest daughter who is 3, so I cant make them a few meals or anything. What else can I do for her. Besides lend a shoulder. I cannot imagine what she and her family are going through. Her father passed away right before Christmas, and this baby was named after him. Its just so sad. Any advice? I find my self checking on my two sons constantly since I have recieved this news. I have a 10 month old and a 22 month old. Thanks for everyones help in advance.

The baby passed away today. I dont know if they can automatically say SIDS is the cause. Like do they do testing or something. Also if everyone could keep them in their prayers I would appreciate it, and so would they. Thanks@

Answer 1

I am so sorry for the loss. I know that when my son was little, SIDS was something that I was deathly afraid of. TO this day I have a tendency to check my son to be sure he is still breathing in his sleep....and he is three now.

There is very little that you can offer to this grieving family, and I am sure that they realize and respect that. Just offer words of comfort and encouragement.

They may do some testing on the death to rule out illness and abuse. If nothing is found, then it will be classified as sids.

I wish you all the luck. I will keep them in my prayers, but you as well:)

Answer 2

I lost a baby to SIDS when she was just 5 months old and there is really nothing that you can do or say to make things better. People need closure when they a loved one dies and with SIDS you neve get that closure because there is no reason behind it. The medical examiner will do an autopsy to rule out anything else and then it will be classified as a SIDS death. Just be there for her because the death of her baby is not the only thing that will be a challenge. People that no nothing about SIDS can be cruel and dealing with people that think you did something to your baby because babies just don't die is just stupid and idiotic, not to mention very hard to deal with on top of losing your baby for no apparent reason. I actually was telling my story to someone about a year after it happened and the person made the statement to me "Well that's why I always make sure I put my baby to sleep it's back." This really ticked me off because guess what....my baby was on her back. People think that if they put their baby on their back to sleep, don't use blankets or have stuffed animals in the crib, use a pacifer (my baby had one in her mouth when she died), do this, don't do that, blah, blah, blah, they think their baby will fine. Well I did all that stuff too and my baby still died. Your friend will probably need you there to support her and let her know she did nothing wrong because she will feel, at least at first, that it was something she did. When she is able to try to look for answers when she is ready she will then realize that she did nothing wrong and it just happens. The first year will be the hardest. Everyone grieves differently so just be aware and watch to see how your friend is dealing with it. I know one thing that helped me was to talk about my daughter, but some people find that to be too painful and would rather not. There is a group on yahoo that she can join, or even you can join, that helped me called sidsfamilies. It is a support group for mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, you name it, that has lost baby to SIDS. I joined it about 3 months after I lost my daughter and it helped out tremendously. I realized that I was not alone and that it happens to a lot of people, a lot more than what you may think. I would say per week at least 3 to 5 new people would join so it does happen more than what we hear about. Good luck and I wish your friend good luck also because the next year will be a rough one.

Answer 3

I just heard of a baby nearby dying of sids too and this is the first time i ever heard of it actually happening! My son is 15 months old and i am 6 months pregnant and so scared! I will definitly pray for all the families in these tragedies, I don't know what to tell you, you need to be there for your friend, but also keep your heart safe too, because you already sound like you are frightened and really shaken. Take someone with you and do what you can, but if this isn't a real close friend, I would offer her what you can and then leave. Really, I know it sounds selfish, but you need to keep yourself sane too. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

i will defiantly pray and just so everyone knows SIDS can happen until they are 2 to 3 years old. so keep up the checking parents.contact HUD and get on the computer and do some proactive searches for jobs and homes in her area. start getting active in her life in general. it will help both of you . and stay as long as you can it sounds like her family isn't there so you try to be

Answer 5

how very sad!! Truthfully there isnt much you can say to her except for the usual things we all say that you are so sorry for her loss,att his point just having you near and being a good friend is all she needs im sure. time will help in this situation,but let her know that if she needs you to talk or just hold her hand that you will do all that you can ,tell her you are preying for them and the baby as well.the thing is she will ned to talk about the baby and let her know its ok to talk in time it will be ok to mention how very sweet the baby was,some things to try and avoid are hes better off and it will be ok in time cause she wont believe you and its irritating when people say that stuff ,ask her her plans and ask what she needs to do and if you can help this will help her a lot she will need help with baby setter and offer if you can.ans just be there for her when she reaches out.good luck this wont be easy on any one. i think the bottem link my help take a look hope it helps :)

Answer 6

Just give them love and support. If you want to get them anything, think about a gift certificate to their local grocery store. I'm sure they would appreciate it. They could use it as they need food.

Answer 7

Maybe research a photographer for her? Some do really nice photographs of deceased children. I don't know if that is something she would appreciate?

Answer 8

Just tell her you're sorry and give her a hug.

Answer 9

http://www.sidsfamilies.com/

http://dailystrength.org/support/Childrens_Physical_Health/Sudden_Infant_Death_Syndrome_SIDS/?gclid=CKHk7MnmjosCFQ1fYwodwna2VQ


http://www.sidsalliance.org/whenababy/when_gr_ns.html

http://www.sidssupport.com/forum/

Just some ideas, do some reading.