to have kids or not?

Question

My fiance can't wait to have kids. he wants them as soon as we marry. i've seen what they have done to my friends bodies and i am terrified! i'm almost 30 so i feel time is running out. but i enjoy taking a nap when ever i want, going out on a whim and not having to pack up baby stuff and sleeping in on sat. besides the actual delivery, makes me so sick it's like i'm an inmature teenager. my mom says i just must not be ready but will i ever?

Answer 1

it is prerogative of the woman whether to have children or not. but in your case, you are already 30 years old and better to have kids as it is not good for the health of a woman to give birth after crossing 30 years.

Answer 2

The biggest question here are you financial ready for them or where your friends? If you are then if he wants kids and you do in the long run see if you can compromise on sometime. Maybe tell him you want to pay the wedding off and enjoy a couple of the "honeymoon" years. You personally may never be ready for a baby. Even when preparing for a baby, you are never ready. A baby is a big responsibility and explain it to your fiancee that you don't think the two of you can handle that at this time. Explain that in a few years when things settle down a little better that you will up for it.

Answer 3

If you really want kids, you should start trying as soon as possible. The risks of birth defects such as down syndrome go up after the age of 35. If you feel you're not ready, talk to your partner and explain your feelings. Most women's motherly instincts kick in when they have the baby. I never wanted kids when I was younger. Like you, I enjoyed my freedom. But I now have a beautiful 19 month daughter. The pain of delivery, the differences in my body, and the work of raising a child is well worth it for the joy she gives me every day.

Answer 4

I feel the same with you.. But I think you'll be ready in time. Just wait 1-2 year after you're married. If your guy wants to have baby that much, he will help you to take care the baby and you still have time for yourself then.

Answer 5

All I can tell you is that you do need to be ready before you do it. It's a big responsibility and if you know you aren't ready, then you just aren't. You have a good 5 years before pregnancy becomes higher risk. Get married, enjoy just being married and then decide. You could just wake up one day and want to have a baby. Good luck and congrats on your engagement.

Answer 6

Of course you will be ready. That is normal feelings. However I am glad my husband and I waited a year after we were married to get pregnant. It gave us a chance to be us. But all those things that you think are so important in life right now...still are when the baby comes...but you love that baby so much! You make it work. Its more then worth it. Have them young...so when they are out of the house...you are not wheeling yourself out of the house also. As far as body image. Its what you put in your mouth...tell your girlfriends to chill out on seconds. You'll be fine.

Answer 7

Do what you feel is right, if I were you I would of discussed how you & your fiance feel about startgin a family BEFORE getting engaged married ect. So then you would both know where you stand. I LOVE kids & plan to adopt children when I am alittle older probably 25 or so. BUT I feel that society, the media, ect have drilled motherhood into women's minds.& that it is a necessity to reproduce, they are trying to make it manditory & duty, not a choice. In my mind I could not even think of not having kids ( in the future) BUT I know some women that have no desire to have children & that is fine, if you decide not to have kids prepare for possibly a few dirty looks & rude comments, but if not having kids is what you really want & feel then by all means do not have kids, Don't have kids just becuase your finance wants them, if that ends the relationship ofcourse it will hurt but just becuase HE wants children does NOT mean that YOU have to follow in suit if YOU don't want to. I don't think it would be the right decision if you just had kids because he wanted them & you love him & want to make him happy, that would be poor judgement & decision making skills. So for future reference discuss BEFORE beign engaged or marriage, it will help. If it stops the relationship then its for the best and it wasn't meant to be. My advice go with your head & heart. & don't just go with the part that says I love him so I'll have his kids. Thats not how it works, that could lead to beign unhappy IMO. I hope I'm not coming off mean or inconsiderate, if I am then Im very sorry! So if your wholeheartedly truely feel that you don't want children dont, but if you wholehardedly truely feel that you do want kids ( for the right reasons in both cases) then go for it. Best of Luck!!

Answer 8

You may not ever be ready. And there's nothing wrong with that. But before you get married to this man who is obviously ready to be a parent, you need to have a long discussion with him. You should not ever feel pressured to do something you're not ready for.

Answer 9

you shouldn't think like that. since u are already age 30, u should have a kids or baby. because u were already being single or playing for 30 years. Now it's time for u to bear the mother responsibility to grow your own child.

Answer 10

it does sound like you are not ready to have kids yet, and you may never be, but if you decide to then you need to do it by age 35 to keep from having so many high risks, that's what my ob doctor told me. if you don't want kids then don't, don't have them just because your husband/fiance wants them. that would not be a good thing