He wants the dog, I don't...opinions??

Question

We found a puppy in our driveway. We have tried to find the owner, no luck. My fiance wants to keep her, I don't . She is very destructive, she has torn up my furniture, she tears everything up. If we leave her out back, she gets out of the yard, and runs around. I have 3 children, and 3 cats, the last thing i want is another animal to take care of, and i am the one that cleans everything up. When we crate her, she acts totally crazy, when she finally gets out, i don't blame her.
I do not want the dog, so i am the bad guy. He wants the dog, and i have to replace, everything the dog tears up. (She has tons of toys and bones, and doggy chews.) Has anyone else been through something similar, that can tell me what was worked out. How do you compromise on something like this?
And she is already about 6 months old and weighs around 40 pounds, she is going to be big. Also, when she is outside, she kills all of the birds in our yard, and eats them.

We have had her 2 months, have been looking for owner. all of her ribs were showing, and her hip bones, when she showed up. After 2 months searching i figured she was dumped. She is housetrained, learned that very quickly. No aggression to kids, they love her.but they are not a part of this decision, the adults are. We got her a very large crate, and that is what we use.
She has just torn up things, that are extremely expensive for me to replace. What it all boils down to, is I do not want to keep the dog and he does. I wanted some examples of compromise, in this sticky situation. Thank you all for all of your answers, i appreciate them!!

Answer 1

The decision to add a new member to the family should have total agreement on all sides. A dog is much more work then a cat, and as you have 3 children in addition, I think you are very realistic with your time restraints and ability to properly provide for this dog.

You should take the dog to the vet/animal shelter and have him scanned for a microchip which would contain the owner's info, if you haven't already.

Answer 2

Are you using positive reinforcement or are you using the old school does not work way of yelling, hitting or rubbing his face in it?? And how often do you take him out? is he on a schedule? Do you clean up those areas very well and use a cleaner that gets rid of the odor and just doesnt mask it? Remember dogs can smell alot more than we can. The best way to teach them anything is with positive reinforcement and be consistant. If you have too many toys the dog will not know what to play with. My aunt had a 6 month year old golden retriever that dog was so hyper and destoryed every thing in sight too. My aunt had use a large crate the dog will get use to it, dogs like caves. Or chain the dog outside on a lease, just to get rid of some built up energy just like a kid has when the kid is 2 years old.
By the time most dogs are about 3 months old, they have figured out that if they go to the door and stand, you will let them out. The praise slowly shifts
to going to the door. Some people hang a bell there for the dog to paw. If your dog doesn't figure this out, try praising it and putting it out if it even gets near the door. A stern "Bad dog!" is all the punishment that is effective, and only when you catch it in the act and are sure you didn't miss
it going to the door. Clean up accidents promptly. I mostly keep the little puppies out of the carpeted rooms. Still I need the can of carpet foam sometimes. First blot up all the urine you can with a dry towel. Keep moving it and stepping on it until a fresh area stays dry. A couple big putty knives
work well on bowel movements. Just slide one under it while holding it with the other. This gets it up with a minimum of pushing it down into the carpet. This works with even relatively soft ones, vomit, dirt from over turned house
plants, or anything else from solids to thick liquids. Finish up with a good shot of carpet foam. Note, do not let the puppy lick up the carpet foam. Once the dog is reliably housebroken, your carpet may need a good steam cleaning.

The crate is a safe, secure environment for your dog when you can not be watching her. Once dogs are used to the crate, they start to view as thier "den", and feel comforted by the surrounding walls. A crate is a place to go when your dog feels stessed out by any situation, visiting children, adults, a lot of activity in the home, etc. Your dog should never be bothered by anyone while she is in the crate, this is her haven.
Crate training is ideal for dogs who suffer separation anxiety, have housetraining problems, busy households, and young puppies who don't have control over their bladder and bowels yet.

Answer 3

Up until your last sentence this dog was just a normal behaving puppy. Most puppies have bad manners and if they haven't been cratetrained they will cry. There are books and training, plus time that can calm these behaviours. If you husband wants to keep the dog he needs to be responsible for all the chores that come with the dog including training and cleaning up after.
But and here is the BIG BUT, the dog is attacking and killing smaller prey. You have 3 cats and 3 kids, the dog is already big. With that kind of prey drive already, this dog could become very dangerous. You don't know anything about the history of this dog.
I would give him 3 months to make this pup a good family member, or at least on the start to being one. If there are any signs of aggression towards you, your kids or your cats, the dog is gone. And if he is not willing to work with the dog, then it's gone. You didn't choose to have the dog, if he wants it he needs to take responsibility for it. There are definetely some red flags raised in my book.

Answer 4

Well, I just want to say "thank you" for taking the puppy in and simply not ignoring it.

I also want to point out that animal agression and human aggression are two different things - just because a dog likes to chew up, say, rabbits doesn't mean it'll attack children. Of course, you always have to be very careful. Have you tried looking into obedience training? Like one of the previous posters said, consistency is the key. Train your dog, teach her what's right or wrong; be the pack leader. If she shows "bad" interest in the cats, there are ways to work w/ that. You just have to be willing to try. If you do, though, it'll most likely be worth it in the end.

As for the fiance thing, yes, he needs to take responsibility as well, but a dog is a family member. Just wondering, how are your kids with the dog and vice versa? If your kids don't respect the dog, teach them to. Teach doggy manners too.

Finally, it sounds like she's bored. Try to fortify the yard better so she can't get out - fiance should do it, but you shouldn't simply leave the dog out there either. Maybe your kids could play w/ her more? Take her out on walks? And if you can afford the time and money, if doggy is high energy and kid is old enough, maybe agility?

I hope everything works out fine at the end.

Answer 5

That's a tough one. A puppy is A LOT of responsibility and should be shared by the entire household if you are all in agreement in keeping her. Her behavior is pretty normal. She's obviously teething and although we buy them all these cutesy little toys, they always seem to want something else like your shoe or furniture. I do advise crate training so long as it's done correctly and NOT as a form of punishment. Since the pup is already 6 months old and has apparently had no housebreaking instilled in her, it's up to you to be consistent and work with her on that. I'm not going to lie, it's going to be a rough ride. But understand that this isn't permanent and as long as you're consistent and attentive to the puppy, she'll be on her way to being a model part of the household. But this should be talked about. A puppy is like having another kid in the house. If you feel in your heart of hearts that you cannot give her the home and attention that she needs, by all means take her to your nearest animal shelter who can hopefully find her a home. Good luck! I really hope it works out!

Answer 6

IF he were willing to do all the care then he could keep the dog, but since he's not willing to do that, I don't think you should.

A compromise in this sitatution might be to rehome her and together as a family research a breeds and go to shelters to find a dog that WILL fit into your lifestlye. You may find a puppy from a breed you've researched or an older dog (maybe one that the breeder can not longer keep or one from the shelter).

Good luck at sorting this out. I know personally I love all my dogs but then I am the one that does everything for the dogs (though my kids are starting to help out now that they are older).

Answer 7

I can understand your frustration. I myself am a sucker for animals but have recently had to limit my furry family. I would suggest you allow a one week trial period in which your husband will be responsible for everything, including training the dog. This allows him to understand all the work involved in raising a puppy. After that week if the dog doesn't show any signs of improvement in training take her to a rescue group or animal shelter and allow your husband and kids to visit once a week or every other week to make sure the puppy gets adopted. This way you set firm rules, allow your husband to experience the burden placed on you, and if things don't work out you are not denying them the opportunity to show sympathy towards the puppy and they can see that the puppy is taken care of and you are providing for the best interest of the puppy.

Answer 8

I was in this situation with my bf... his friend at work gave him a puppy, without my permission he brought it home to our 1-bedroom apt.... in fact, in the past i had specifically said "no dogs." but he wanted one really bad, so he went behind my back. now let me outline my situation, my bf is broke, he has no car ( yea and he's 26 years old btw ) a crappy wal-mart job, and he can't afford a thing. in other words, even though i didn't want the dog, i would be cleaning up after it, i would be running to the vet, i would probably be paying for it etc. .. well, i found somebody to take it off our hands because it was driving me nuts...now in my situation, it was an eye opener, it made me realize that i would be cleaning up his mistakes for the rest of my life because he isn't responsible enough... so within a few days, he's going to be my ex-boyfriend. your situation is a little tougher because you have children, but at least you're not married...if you ask me i'd recommend not marrying him, and try to stay friends, because your opinion and comfort obviously don't mean that much to him.

p.s. what was he thinking bringing a stray puppy into a home with three children...god knows what kind of filthy diseases etc. it could have brought into your home. it sounds like an aggressive dog, what if it bites one of your kids?

Answer 9

I guess it comes down to is who's home is it...if you're both equallty vested but the dog is destroying your property and you're doing the clean up and you don't want it...take it to a local shelter or rescue group. If the b/f wants to keep it make him financially responsible for all damage and all cleanup/care of the dog. If b/f fails to do these things within a set time (week or something) than dog goes to shelter/rescue. I love dogs and have my own but if no adult in your home is going to properly care, feed, and TRAIN the pup it's only going to get worse as it gets bigger.

Answer 10

make a list of the dog's activities for one day. what it chews up, what it does,
make list of everything the dog has destroyed.
make a list of who does and what the care of the dog is all about
submit lists to hubby and talk rational as to why it is not a good idea to keep it.
If above fails...get tough and take control of the situation!!!!