I'm interested in knowing what parents say to their pre-teens and teens about the WHY's about not drinking, drugging, smoking, and saving 'it ' for someone they love. Thanks.
2007-03-09 12:37:18 · 10 answers · asked by Holiday Magic 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
From the perspective of a parent who had good parenting...I always took time to explain why.
Teens cannot be expected to just "know" the pitfalls of certain actions. They need time and to be told and to be given time to ask questions. My parents took the time with me and I took the time with my children even though I was bringing them up alone and working full time. They are now 18 and 21 and both productive members of society. My daughter tried drugs, I knew about it and I wasn't happy but at least she had the confidence to tell me and thus make the action slightly safer. She didn't do it again (PHEW!!). My son drinks once in a while, usually at home and I know about it. He never drinks to excess.
They used to kick about some of the rules I made, but they at least knew why. Of course I was "too strict" and "unfair" but they understand why now :)
2007-03-10 00:48:58 · answer #1 · answered by huggz 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I started that when he was 4...as soon as he could understand and have a conversation..we were discussing why I thought something was dumb, stupid or dangerous.
He just turned 8, so we haven't gotten to the sex part yet, but I have talked about people having kids when they are in school and exactly what it does to limit the opportunities in life.
He has a father that is a recovering alcoholic (has been since before he was born) so he has attended AA meetings already. We watch Cops every Saturday night, so drugs and alcohol come up in discussion regularly (Cops does a great job of showing the glamorous side of drug/alcohol use and basic dumb behavior).
He is the one that talked us into quitting smoking....at the ripe old age of 7. He knows all the risks and isn't shy about announcing it to anyone he sees smoking.
I think starting as young as possible is the only way to get it tattooed on their brain. Otherwise it is an uphill battle....peer pressure, TV, pop culture V.S. Parents.
Also, if I see anyone during our day that is drunk/drugged/getting arrested, etc, the first thing I point out is "do you want to turn out like them?" and "do you think they are doing the wrong thing? and if so/not: Why?" "How is this going to impact the rest of their life? and is it worth it?"
Continual open discussion is the only way to deal with it. One more thing: it is not a destination...it is a journey.
2007-03-09 12:57:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a parent but I'll offer my .02
drinking-eliminated my inhibitions/convictions about premarital sex, blackouts, probably some brain damage/inhibited brain development
drugging-marijuana does cause memory damage,
*********it's not just a myth*******************
LSD-risk of PTSD, probably schizophrenic symptoms though have not experienced this one personally because I only tried it once but I perceive that others experienced much much worse; and nerve oversensitivity plus it's better to have visions through spiritual endeavor only, to know they are rightly acquired
cocaine-can cause overconfidence/arrogant selfishness, self-aggrandizement
smoking-there is a certain natural peace that cannot be attained while under the influence of tobacco, in addition to negative health effect such as lung damage and negatively altered brain capillaries
preservation of virginity-it's true, it's the best option and there are so many reasons why . .even if a significant other is found and there is the decision to still preserve virginity and not produce children, the life that could be had is preferrable because there are psychic/spiritual 'contamination' from experiences with others that are at best, distracting to the relationship
*you CAN run out of lamp oil (something somewhere in the New Testament-about having enough lamp oil for the wedding feast-although it seems to me to be about way more than marriage) it's worse than the worse hell you can imagine I am angry this is not emphasized more even to the point that it has made me paranoid that I was not personally explained to about it .. .
*yes sex makes you dirty and it's hard to get clean again
***I read a book about someone who had a much more negative experience from a first time LSD experience though so please dont assume
2007-03-09 13:46:45 · answer #3 · answered by isis 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I haven't talked to my own son. He's only 4, so he's still a little young. However, I have two younger brothers (14 and 10). My mom and I have been talking to them. They know that drugs can do serious damage to their body and brain. They don't like smoking and drinking as it is, so not really worried about that. Told them that being a 'player' is disrespectful to women. I don't know what we really say, but when the opportunity to talk arises we use it. Just my two cents.
2007-03-09 12:50:10 · answer #4 · answered by raintigar 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My kids are 5 and 7. We have already started the say no to drugs, alcohol, and smoking talks (sex talks will start soon enough, but they are a bit young now. They know some basic and that's about it for now).
They know drugs make you look and act stupid and if you drink and drive you can wreck your car and die and that smoking kills. My dad died of lung cancer and they know the reason Grandpa Jake isn't here is because he smoked.
2007-03-09 12:49:09 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't have a pre-teen or teen, but I plan to be open about everything. I want a open 2 way conversation when it comes to all topics including these. I want to make sure my son can come to me for anything or go to his dad.
ASh
2007-03-09 16:01:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just told my son what could happen if he did anything on smoking, drugs, but nothing about being a player, I told him he should use protection when having sex, we can tell our children so much. but its really up to them if they listen, you can't follow them around all the time.and we have to trust that we raised them right and that they had listen to us.
2007-03-09 12:47:52 · answer #7 · answered by misty blue 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nope, I SHOWED my daughter why. When she was younger some of MY friends were in prison...drug trafficing, So we'd visit them in prison. A couple of my friends were in mental hosptials due to their drug habits frying their brains. Yes we visited them. She also would go with me when I visited my friends who were dying (now deceased) from aids. Reality is so much more effective...
2007-03-09 14:33:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a three-year-old who knows that he is asthmatic and that smoking will kill him. He also knows that alcohol is not good for his body. It is a poison which can seriously harm or kill him. He knows this. We haven't discussed the birds and the bees yet...stay tuned!
2007-03-09 14:47:27 · answer #9 · answered by Fotomama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would tell them the negative effects and show them pictures of what can happen to them if they use...and scare them a little bit..but im not gonna sit there and tell them no dont do it.. but as we all know kids will do what they want any ways..im not going to promote it..but i will do my best for my kids not to use
2007-03-09 12:48:08 · answer #10 · answered by BaZ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋