My dad quit a well paying job to run a home business (which I strongly objected, but to no avail) and he totally screwed it up and now he has little money left.
He sold his house to pay back debt, and moved into a condo. He asked me for $50,000 to help buy the condo, which I obliged unhappily.
He wants to continue his unfrugal lifestyle and spending habits even though the situation is dire for him. I try to give him some advice, but it always backfires as he would not listen to me or take an advice from a son he raised. When his cash runs out, I am afraid he'll ask me for more money.
I am a married man, with a mortgage to pay off monthly, have tonnes of own problems to deal with. Wife doesn't appreciate my dad's spending ways and what that could mean for us in near future.
Am I being too cruel for not wanting to help him? He's a long way from retirement age and he still has more debt to pay off. To me he doesn't appear to want to work any more (though he say's he's looking)
2007-03-09 09:17:30 · 35 answers · asked by toothfairy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No, you are not cruel. At this point, you are a grown man, with your own bills and your own family. If you would continue to give your dad money with your wife not happy about it...not only could it cause a financial hardship for YOU down the road, but it could also lead to the demise of your marriage. It is hard to watch someone struggle, but it sounds like your dad has money issues, and doesn't know how to budget. Help him that way. If he doesn't want to accept your help in making a budget, I don't think he should expect you to help by handing over money. If you give him money, and he continues to blow it...you are just helping him become dependent on you.....
2007-03-09 09:24:55 · answer #1 · answered by amanda r 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Son,
I do know that I have been inconsiderate and some what of a spend thrift. While I recognize that my spending ways aren't to your and your wife's likings I thought at the time that these were good sound investments and went ahead against your knowing advice. I have some how managed to make it to my present age and have had very little help along the way. I do thank-you for the $50,000 that you have lent us and I will do my best to pay you back as soon as the well comes in. Now that you have put our business in the middle of the street(Yahoo Questions and Answers) It makes me realize that maybe I have failed along the way some where. Sorry I really am very sorry I won't ask any more. I will tell your mother that we may have to buy dog food in the can again it makes pretty good hamburgers, God Bless and I hope that the babies grow up and take good care of you.
Lots of Love,
Pop
2007-03-09 09:31:39 · answer #2 · answered by ffperki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me your Dad is taking advantage of you beennice enough to shell out money for him. But cut him off before it's too late. He shoudl go try to get his old job back or try getting another. Life isn't free and he thinks he can give the money rom you but don't give hima ny. If you do just give him enjoy for food and tell him to get a job. By giving him 50 grand you have far more beyond you duty as a son. If he doesn't understand that well it's his fault. SO keep your money and pay your bills not his. He can just go get a job or go get on welfare. Because this will get between your wife and your self if it's not stopped now.
2007-03-09 09:25:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't.
Your father has issues with your advice but not your money. While it may appear cold, you cannot forfeit your own security to finance his way of life.
Brass tacks - it's not as if you've been unwilling to help him, and on his ground. To continue to expect that type of support - you should set ground rules about what is and isn't acceptable. If he can't follow them - he should seek out another lender.
You aren't a bad son, he's just fiscally irresponsible. Good on you for rolling down the hill and not being so close to the tree.
2007-03-09 09:22:46 · answer #4 · answered by pepper 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a difference in not wanting to help and not being an enabler. By offering your dad the money, you are opening the door for him to ask for more. It sounds like you need to sit your dad down and say look dad I didn't mind helping you out but I have a family of my own now to raise. Either he will accept it or not. I would just pray for him (if that's your belief).
2007-03-09 09:22:15 · answer #5 · answered by magnoliabelle67 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your only obligation is to your immediate family which is your wife and children if you have them. You cannot be held responsible for your fathers mistakes. I know you care about him and don't want to see him struggle but you also don't want to ruin your marriage over it. Right now you are enabling him by giving him money. Sure he is going to be ticked at you when you don't give him money but that is only because you are not feeding him what he needs. It is kind of like an addict. Be strong. Don't give him no more money and you will not regret it.
Good luck!
2007-03-09 09:25:21 · answer #6 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being cruel. Buying the condo was a big extension on your part. If he can't sell it and live in a small apartment or trailer and get back to work, your wife and your own family finances should not be compromised. You already tried to help him. There's only so much you can do. He needs credit counseling, or psychological counseling, or both.
2007-03-09 09:21:04 · answer #7 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
nope not at all! He is a grown man, he should be old enough and mature enough to handle is own decisions. I know what it is like to have a spouse help out a family member, & I am not happy with it. If you have a family memeber that is able to work, then they should be working and making there own way. I could see if he was unable to work, and helping him out. But it sounds like he i hitting a midlife crisis and is heading downward fast! Don't let any more take you down with them. not even a parent !
2007-03-09 09:25:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being cruel. You've already helped him but he isn't helping himself and isn't making the best of the help you have given him. If you continue, he'll take advantage and your family will sink or swim with him, as fortune dictates.
Reassure him of your love and interest and let him fend for himself; he's grown up enough by now! Good luck, and refuse to feel guilty. Feel pleased that you have helped already.
2007-03-09 09:23:56 · answer #9 · answered by Older&Wiser 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being cruel. Your dad is obviously irresponsible and that is not something that you should have to feel bad about. He needs to grow up and stop being lazy. He has a serious character flaw that he needs to deal with. You need to worry about you and your relationship with your wife. After all, you don't sleep with your dad. :) Keep the wife happy and everything will work itself out. Lots of luck to you.
2007-03-09 09:22:30 · answer #10 · answered by answerguru 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋