How long should my 15 and 16 yr old be on restriction for bad grades and being disresectful?

Question

my 15 yr old refuses to dress out for PE, but she has had an F in PE since september and I restrict her ...yet she still finds a way to get online sneakily~ gets on the phone sneakily and racked up my cell phone to 250.00!! She got fired from her job for openly flipping a customer off! I have set down my rules and say no to the myspace, no to the going out and no to the phone, but somehow she sneaks it..i even took her make up away (that i bought her mind you)!! and she snook it and found the hiding space..oh she also took a few of my thongs from my dresser and wore them!! she is 15 and i do not think she needs to wear that kind of stuff. mind you i do not give in. I do not believe in corporal punishment even though she has lashed out at me or pushed me when she is mad but i have held her away from me or shouted you touch me and i will call the cops. she is my size and strong! i do not believe in pshysical confrontations and acting out violently , but she gets these moods and acts out.

she does not want to dress out because she said it will ruin her make up and hair when she excersises and she does not want her make up and hair to be ruined by sweat~ i said too bad that it is requiered to take that class PE that is...but she say oh my hair my hair my make up!! so the reason she does not dress out is not body issues...she thinks she is one of those "hot chicks'LOL...NO ACTUALLY SHE IS ATTRACTIVE , BUT SHE DOE NOT WANT HER FACE AND HAIR ALL IKKY SHE SAYS

Answer 1

As beaware said that is what you have to do. Tough love. Go down to the courts and have a chins order put on. Chins means child in need of services. They will set ground rules for your children to follow. If they fail to follow they go before the judge and usually he will warn them first but if this dont work they will eventually do whats best for the child. Even if it means removing the child from the home temporarily. Your child is out of control. My daughter pulled similiar things only worse, because of a guy she was dating. She was an honor student. Her grades started slipping, she started smoking, having sex, drinking ( a few times that I know of) and not coming home when she was told to. My daughter disobeyed the chins order and was removed after several warnings. Hardest day in my life. It helped though she came a different person. She said she had a lot of time to think about stuff. She also did not want to leave home again. She was put in a good foster home, I was allowed to visit. She was there for six weeks. For me it was terrible, I was pregnant at the time. A time of much stress. But, she changed bottom line. She is now doing very well again. She respects me. Things are different. If you cant get her under control do this. Most kids all you have to do is put the chins order on and it scares them into behaving. Show her you are serious. It is for her best interest. Because you want her to be a productive member of society one day. We all have rules to follow that we dont like in life. This is a lesson she has to learn. Good luck.

Answer 2

It sounds like some tough love needs to be enforced, this does not mean physical. I have a 15 year old boy that I am constantly having to check behind. I also had this problem with PE the first nine weeks of school. I had a conference with the teacher, along with my son, and we all have an understanding that the teacher would email or call me when he did not dress out. It really worked because I took away privileges the next time he did not dress out. Ha, I think he thought the teacher would not call me, but she did. My son had some problems lashing out also. I did find that it was some of the school peers helping with the mood problems that we had at home. Talk to her and become someone she knows she can depend on. They need that even if you are mad and upset. They are trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in. Peer pressure these days is so so bad. Teenagers have a lot of stress that I think as parents we don't see if we are too wrapped up in our own life. Good luck! Remember please, she needs you as guidance, not her friends. I think the length of punishment should not be lengthy, because that can cause them to withdraw from you. Just set the consequences now, so she will know that there are going to be situations where she needs to make the right choices or else.

Answer 3

Teenagers are very insecure. For those that can't handle themselves, like your daughter, its best to find a therapist who specializes in teens. Having someone she can talk to who will help her walk through her problems and not tell anyone (unless she's in danger of course) really helped a friend of mine.
There's no reason that a 15 year old should still be needing spankings. As for the cell phone, you could REALLY embarrass her by getting her a Disney mobile or Firefly phone. You can make her do chores around the house for however long until you think she has "paid her debt" for the cell phone bill. It will be hard for her to get a real job with that attitude.
I hope you can get this worked out. It's a rough patch that a lot of people go through with their teens. If it get's really bad, you could temporarily home school her. I had a friend who was having some problems with anxiety and insecurity. The school set up a special teacher that brought her her work everyday and tested her every week. You could look into this if it gets worse.

Answer 4

Hmmm... I think your daughter needs some help. I commend you for not resorting to corporal punishment (she's far too old for it anyway), but threatening to call the cops is not much better.

I think you need to stop focusing on managing her behaviour and get to the root of the problem.

I don't really understand the problem with keeping her off the computer, all you need to do is put a password on it and she won't be able to log on. The cell phone, well hide it better, keep it on you at all times, put a lock on your bedroom door.

I'm kinda disturbed by the underwear thing... not sure what to say bout that.

You need to sit down with her and find out what the problem with PE is. Does she have body issues and not want to change in front of other girls? Can she switch the class for something else? The school year is almost over, so it sounds like she's going to fail anyway, she'll just have to deal with the consequences of that.

I think you need to take a step back and re-establish the relationship. It sounds like it's very tense, alot of anger and control going on, not healthy!

PS ~ I still think her issues are deeper, and you're focusing too much on little details rather than the big picture.

Answer 5

First you are the parent and what you say goes, period.

I do believe in corporal punishment ( to a point) and that may be why my kids are behaved and yours is ready for her guest spot on Montel Williams

Second, you should put your computer in your room, your cell in a safe, or put a password in it so no one but you can use it without your knowledge, For that matter put a password in the computer so she cant surf without your knowledge.

If technology is her vice of choice then you have the control due to the many safeguards to prevent theft to say nothing of your kid.

If it doesn't help, get therapy. . .for her. She may have anger management issues.

Or. . she just might be a garden variety bad kid. . put your foot down and make the punishments progressively worse until she complies.

If that doesn't work,, boot camp.

If that doesn't work, Start buying luggage and wait for her to turn 18 and let her go.

I admire your pacifism, but the problems you have are exactly why corporal punishment is effective. But she is grown and that may not work at this point. But try the other things and maybe it will help. GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

It sounds like you need to get her professional counseling. I'm sure you are a good mother and it's so hard to handle children who are very strong willed. However, if she continues the way she is going, she will be hurting herself and she will regret it later in life because she will not have given herself enough options to succeed in a career that pays well.

I have a strong willed child as well and I have gotten counseling for him and I'm thinking I may have to do that again.

As far as the cell phone, can you just take it away from her, as well disabling the computer when she is home too?

I used to not dress-out for PE class too because I hated it so much. I also got an 'F' and now see that I hurt myself more than I hurt my parents. Now, as an adult, I appreciate my parents for being strict with me and I feel horrible that I made them feel so worried about me because I didn't try as hard as I should have in all of my classes.

Your children will regret it also and appreciate you more in a few years. In the meantime, I think getting them counseling will help them a lot.

Answer 7

Unplug the computer when you leave the house(take the piece with you where she cant hook it up)......Take her cell phone away ....Now with the under wear if she wants to wear those kind at her age you should let her.Its just panties....Just keep being hard on her......Start with making her change her attitude to get privilege.....She has to earn those things back.There is no time limit.I dont think if a child doing bad in school the should be able to talk on phone or computer time.So until she behaves,or shows you slowly she shouldn't be able to do anything special.Also do whatever so she cant sneak on the Internet or phone.......I'm not saying keep her grounded until she `18 but make her earn things back.......

Answer 8

take away everything. if she a tv, cd player, radio, video games, etc. in her room take it away, ask your relatives to keep it for now so she can't find it.

her makeup and hair getting messed up is no excuse to not participate in class. shes at the age where she wants the guys to like her and thinks looking good is the way to do it. but guys are turned off if she's disrespectful, tell her that.

as for her make up, even if you take it away she could easily borrow some at school.


maybe talk to the counselor

Answer 9

Put a lock on the outside of her bedroom door. Only let her out for school, meals, and to use the bathroom. Tell her you will stop treating her like a prisoner when she stops acting like a criminal and her re-evaluation will start with the grades on hre next report card. I know it's harsh, but clearly nothing else is working.

Answer 10

When I got bad grades in school, I was on restriction until the midterm report and then I got off only if my grades came up.

I agree with the person who said seek professional help. Sounds like your daughter has some problems she may need help working through. Good luck to you and try not to blame yourself too much.