Accidental over laying? Death by asphyxiation? Have you experienced this?

Question

I am wanting to know if anybody has experienced this tradgedy in their lives and what support they had.
When my first born son was eight weeks old my partner was settling him down for the night. I myself had promised my 4 year old daughter that i would sleep with her in her room untill bubs next feed. She had been feeling left and I had been feeling guilty about this. As our son was born 8 weeks early and weighed 2lbs13oz I had spent alot of time at hospital in the neonatle unit. We we so happy when we got to bring him home at 6 weeks just in time for xmas. Well anyway, on this particular night I had set my alarm clock in time for his next feed. I went into his bedroom to feed him and discovered he was not in his cot nor was my partner in the bed. Deep down I already knew what had happened. I went into the lounge and realised that my partner in trying to settle him had fallen asleep on him sufficating him. There were no support groups for us. Only SIDS which is different.

I just wanted to say that this happened a couple of years ago now. But it is still a big part of our lifes. At the time we could find no support and felt very lost and that were terrible parents. Time has made the guilt a little less. But latley I have been thinking about starting a support group as I know what it feels like when you feel youve got no where to turn.

Answer 1

I have not personally experienced anything of this sort BUT..... GOD BLESS YOU for wanting to turn your tragedy into something positive for those who may find themselves in a similar situation in the future.

Answer 2

I'm more than sure if you start a group online in yahoo groups or anything you'll find people who have been through the same thing you have. I am so sorry that happened to you guys. I hope you don't feel as if it is your fault or their's and keep asking yourselves "what if". Because it isn't and "what ifs" or "if onlys" will just make you keep condemning yourselves to something that can't be changed. I don't know how you feel and what you are going through right now but I am truly sorry.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry for your tragedy.

Compassionate Friends is a support group for all people who have lost children for whatever reason. Maybe they can help.

The tragedy that struck you is one that many people suffer with you, and one that many more people only barely avert. When I was waking at night to nurse our new born, to leave my bed and sit up in a chair, I was constantly falling asleep and waking up with my head pressing down on my son's. It was terrifying and I decided to let my baby sleep with me to avoid this. (Of course, anyone reading this must know that there are precautions that must be taken to sleep with your child, also. )

If you can't find compassionate friends, feel free to email me your locale, or list it here as 'other details' and i will search for resources in your area.

I hope you all find peace. I'm so sorry for your suffering and your poor little lad's short life.


Help for your surviving child might also be in order. I can imagine the psychological problems that await your 4 year old since you say she was feeling left out. Possibly, like most kids, she had a secret wish he would die. She may feel responsible, terribly powerful in a scary way.

Answer 4

Thats such a tragic story, im sos orry you have gone through this alone. I thing a surport group is a great idea and im sure many people will come forward with similar storys and will be glad of the help. Your amazing to feel up to helping people like this. I hope you get help you deserve to. Good Luck

Answer 5

My little sister lost her son last year in April he was 10 weeks and 2 days old he died of SIDS but this site is for all bereaved parents

www.missfoundation.com

Answer 6

My uncle handled a case like this about 2 years ago but it was the mom that fell asleep and suffocated the baby, she is now in jail serving like 8 years, I forgot what they charged her for but im surprised your partner was not charged.