marrige problems help?

Question

my husband and i love each other very much. we hace 2 kids and i dont want it to end. I have talk to him and i try to compromised but he dosent, he said he will but that is as far as he got. sometimes i feel like my 4 years of marriage has been through one situation through another. First his toxic grandmother who make our lives hell at first, she insulted me, she even try to put both against each other. Then our personal problems like he cant make balance in his life. He is never home and that hurts our relationship because theres no time to nurture our love. I dont want to have sex with him because its all become routine wake up take care of the kids he ggoes to work. I have ask him like a zillion of times to be a little more romantic and he dosent hear. I am the typoe of person who likes that , a person who likes to feel love and care for , im not taking about big things a little note just something that shows he care and remember me. I want for me and him to be intimate we each other. That if we makes plan to take our kids out we can do it. he has the 6 days a month free two sundays of the month and one day in the week that is the same every week. all i ask is that he has it but evrytime we make plan and someone call from work he goes to work and leave us. the time he is here the phone never stop ringing and its from work that can get really anoying. The last time we where at a very important doctors appointment of our duagther the phone never stop ringing from his work and i feel like his work is invading our private space. He thinks by working more he coud make us more happy but its not i rather preffered he spend that time on home. we live fine with what he gets paid we dont need more i just want time for me and my family. we need time so we could arrange our issues we nevr have the time to work things out. I know he knows whats happening but why if he dont want our marriage to end why dosent he make an effort to change an effort to compromised. i want that when he is home for him to be home not to be on his job that we can be a famly that we can spent some time together my son often call for him and all i can say is he is working he be home soon thta breaks my heart because that extra time his working will be better used with our son. also i want that we can work things out that we have a better comunication skills and compromised i gave birth a couple of month ago by c section and he didnt stay with me not even one day that hurts because its like he dosent care about me. i just like bunch of little things how can we work things out we can continue like this like to stranger. if we love each other so much

Answer 1

Your question is like an appeal for help. Did he have this or another job that was so demanding before you married? Is it absolutely necessary in his line of work that he be on call 24/7 and can someone else take those calls when he is off the schedule? I agree he should and must find quality time to spend with you and the kids. No job should be that demanding that it comes first in life even though he needs to provide for you all. You have told him how much you love him and how this is hurting you. Has he told you lately, without being asked, that he loves you? Don't hold back from intimacy if that is important to him. He most likely would not be open to counseling as he doesn't appear to see a problem, but you can find books to read on family issues that will help you. Though you may be hurt inside try to put on a happy face for the sake of the kids as your sadness will rub off on them, and always remind him in front of the children too, that you love him. Give it a try and see if things improve. But don't expect everything to go perfect in a marriage as there are always disappointments along the way.

Answer 2

After being married 31 years I've learned a couple things.....

if you want romance you usually have to spell out what exactly you want...saying you want "romance" is too vague.

sit down and explain why spending time with you and the children is very important....then you should both decide on a specific time for the family to be together that cannot be interrupted by his job.

his job is important because he takes his job as breadwinner seriously and that's a good thing....but everything should have limits and you both should set up those limits.

you should set aside some time also for just the two of you because that's also important.

in most marriages you have to be specific in what you want and why you think it's important.....being vague never works. Good luck.

Answer 3

I think you are focusing too much on what he is doing instead of yourself. Negativity breeds more negativity. Start focusing on transforming yourself into the person you would be without him. Lose weight, join a womens group, get a different job, whatever it is that makes you happy. Start focuing your energy on hat you could do for the relationship. Read Dr. Laura's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Just start being more positive. More excited about life. Don't wait and depend on him for happiness...create happiness. You have kids, don't waste your time with them worrying about what your husband isn't doing. Do everything YOU can do to make things better. Be accountable for your lack of enthusiasm (even though he may have brought it on). Good luck to you!

Answer 4

Your husband is selfish, It's all about him him him. You need to ask yourself what are you going to do if things don't change. When you decide stick to it. The only way he can make your life hell is if you let him. Stop making plans that include him. Make plans and if he wants to come along let him but don't try to force the issue. Stop catering to his every whim and begging for his attention. Go on with live and enjoy the time you have with the kids. When he sees how much fun everone is having without him, it may give him the reality check he needs.

Answer 5

I know exactly what you are talking about! I think "lack of romance" is every men's disease! Anyways, I think the first thing you have to do is start having sex with your husband...believe me, if you want him closer to you, that's the first thing you have to do. I am not talking about just enduring the 10 min deal...I am talking about enjoying it. There is nothing more frustrating for a man than feeling rejected by his wife. I know, believe me, I know it is hard to be sexy and loving with all the house work and the children and the problems....but somehow YOU have to be sexy, loving, and beautiful for him AGAIN, as when you first met him! Don't put in on him...men don't know how to solve "emotional issues". They think they are doing everything that they are supposed to by making money to pay the bills and give their families a good life. Praise him for that...start telling him how much you admire him for giving you all what you need, for taking care of the children...try being sweet...if you are harsh on him, he will NOT be closer to you...he will try to "hide" from you staying at work longer than he is supposed to. Men LOVE to feel wanted, so make him feel wanted, desired, loved, and he will be YOURS forever!

Answer 6

First of all do not hang around his grandmother then if you are allowing her to do this to your marriage. Stop blaming outside things and work on your marriage with your husband. Find a marriage counselor and go to it with your husband. Talk to your husband and tell him how you are feeling and why. If you really want this marriage to work out and last then get working on and at it girl. Do not give up. Go to http://www.drphil.com and email him from that page for help and suggestions as well in this matter.

Answer 7

You must be need help, I see it. He's obsessed with his work, and his "girl" is his mother. The relationship can't grow because you don't spend time in it, this is the first step because after this your daughter will have attention from him: you're the first step. You are a brave woman, I think. Fight for your happiness.

Answer 8

Try to give her a very romantic letter praising him for being your husband,avoid to pressure him to be what you want him to be cause he would only think that you are being so demanding,continue in doing your responsibility yet keep yourself sexsy and charming all the time,make your home looks romantic cause it would help you had a romantic husband,

Answer 9

Well, it sounds like you have a whole list of outside influences that you are blaming for the problems in your marriage. Instead of worrying about work, or this grandmother, or whatever, go get some counseling. You two need to work this out together.

And please, use punctuation and capitol letters. Your message is extremely hard to read.

Answer 10

well tell him how you feel. and maybe get a parttime job so he dont have to work so hard. but he sounds like my husband and he didnt have much when he grew up so know he feels like our kids need everything .because he didnt have anything when he was growing up. try setting date nights and the phones all go off.and if you need someone to talk to contact me. and best of luck to you.