My son just turned 11 in December. He had never seen his father. His father signed away his rights so he didn't have to pay child support. Out of the blue he calls last week and says that he wants to meet his son? Should I?
2007-01-08 11:58:52 · 24 answers · asked by Deborah 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Baby,
That is tough to decide isn't it? I have gone through this before and I myself, would have to have some very serious talks with his father. I would ask why are you all of a sudden around when we needed you from day one. What are you looking for from our son now. Be very hard on this man. Don't let him weasel into and out of your boy's life. For him to weasel in and out like that is very damaging and can create a world of problems that neither you or your son needs or has the time to put up with. Be very hard on this man, do not let him into your boy's life if all he is going to do is run out again on him. Your son is worth so much and he is a precious gift to you from God. Do not let this man ruin him by coming and going. Be very hard on this man.
2007-01-08 12:12:27 · answer #1 · answered by sheila h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 11 years, after some of the most difficult times in raising your son is over, he comes back. I have no sympathy for him, and honestly you shouldn't either. BUT, it's not your son's fault. I would sit your son down, and talk to him, see what his feelings are. Chances are though, all this will be a huge disappointment to your son in the long run. Unless his father is planning on stepping up to the plate and take part in his life, it will be a disappointing let down to your son when he wants to see his father again, and he again won't have time for him.
Good luck with this, I hope that you don't have to pick up any pieces of of a broken heart... but I am sure you won't mind, you've done it for 11 years.
Oh... and make sure the visit is only for a short period, and/or supervised. I wouldn't allow the 1st visit to be alone with the father.
2007-01-08 20:09:06 · answer #2 · answered by deanie1962 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation. My son is 15 and his deadbeat father has never ever been apart of his life, until he was incarcerated. Now, all of a sudden he wants to be an instant father.
Even though I want him far away from my son. I gave my son the option of having contact with him or not. (He knows who his father is, but doesn't know him) His response was that he was embarresed and does NOT want anything to do with him.
I am sure you have done a wonderful job raising your son, but let him have the choice to meet his dad or not. That way he can't grow up blaming you and saying that you kept him away from his dad.
2007-01-08 20:18:20 · answer #3 · answered by Green Eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im a father with custody of my daughter and i cant believe im saying this,Absolutely positively not, do not under any circumstances let that deadbeat s.o.b, trash come into your sons life and introduce a world of problems that you never knew was even possible tell him he waited 11 years he can wait 7 more, then your son can either whip him or be his friend, the term father doesnt apply, this will scar this kid beyond the land of confusion, things are fine and i strongly urge you to use those parenting skills right now this is a dead issue so let resting dogs lye if you awaken them, you may get bit!!
2007-01-08 20:08:52 · answer #4 · answered by waterboy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
explain to your son about the father and dont tell him the bad things, The father might have been young at the time and is just realising what he has done. If your son wants to see his father then make sure its supervised as you dont want your son to feel like he is around just a stranger, but some1 that he knows as well. I know this is hard on you as you think that he was never around y should i let him see my boy now. But it might be good for your son cause then it might answer alot of his questions that he might want to know. He might not even want to know his father after that. Sorry if i sound like im on the fathers side, just that my sister(adopted out) wanted to just meet the father)
2007-01-08 20:08:30 · answer #5 · answered by Bex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk with your son. He is old enough to understand. If he already knows about why his dad signed him away then he may not want to see him. But make it his choice not yours and make sure he knows it's his choice. That way, whatever he chooses is on him and not you. you won't be the bad guy for saying no or making him if he doesn't want to. But I would make it somewhere that your son feels comfortable and there are people around, don't just let him go off with a stranger. But let him meet him and find out for himself if it's someone he wants in his life or not. I know it can be maddening for you and you hate it all, but it's your sons life not yours an remember that! Good luck!
2007-01-08 20:15:29 · answer #6 · answered by nalerij 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sperm donor sounds like a scumbag, BUT... he is the father. I would not give him any kind of contact with your son right away. Meet with him yourself, and feel out the situation. If he is serious, only have them meet under very controlled circumstances. Maybe even ask a lawyer what rights you/he might have if he decides to come into your child's life. If he really wants to see his son, he's going to have to wait a while so that you can work everything out. If he is really serious, he'll honor that.
2007-01-08 20:08:45 · answer #7 · answered by PAK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not, under no circumstances. He can't just show up now, after 11 years, and waltz into your son's life. I strenuously disagree with the people who said your son should decide -- this is absolutely wrong. Your son may say yes, not realizing that his dad might waltz right out of his life again, and devastate him. Hire an investigator so you can be sure he doesn't have a criminal record.
2007-01-08 20:11:00 · answer #8 · answered by meatpiemum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should give it a try, If your son wants to. It might make his day if he could meet his father for the first time. His father might of changed, mabye he feels bad about what he did.
2007-01-08 20:14:12 · answer #9 · answered by Sweetie58 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he signed away his rights he can't be worth much, now can he?
have a sit down with your son and talk honestly with him.
BUT, before you do that, maybe you should do a background check on this guy to see what he's been up to since giving up junior.
Might not be a bad idea, cause you don't know what kind of person he is now.
2007-01-08 20:06:34 · answer #10 · answered by angel1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋