This is a relationship problem question... serious opinions only please!!!!?

Question

I'm 26 & have been married for 4 yrs. We have a beautiful 2 yr old boy together and I'm a stay @ home mom. My husban travels 2-3 weeks out of the month and is only home on the weekends. In the mean time I see my rents in Chicago b/c I hate to be alone here in the state of MN. Everytime I come back from Chicago I cry and cry and miss it so much. I'm get sick to my stomach that I have to be here alone with our child all the time! I'm so confused as to what it means... do I not love my husband or hate being away from my family to whom I am very close with. I know I need to suck it up and appreciate what I have... b.c I have all I wanted. Then why do I keep looking back to IL life? Can this depression be harmful to me if it takes me a week to get adjusted to my daily life? Is there anyone else out there with this prob and how should I deal with this. I love my hubby I just wish we were closer to my fam. How should I deal with this?

Answer 1

I feel sorry cause you are feeling extremely lonely. I was in a similar position once when overnight due to my better half transferring him to a foreign country by his company.

Before that I had everything and an extremely easy life. A satisfactory job, baby, maid. Imagine I was thrown into the deep sea and never really done housework or cook in my life. I had to be a FULL TIME HOUSEWIFE.

My first couple of months, I was there in a foreign country, I suffered as I couldn't speak the language. I am actually from the tropics and suddenly had to face the harsh winter. I was also burnt by the oven too. ;) People didn't talk to me as they spoke no English. But I survived.

Learn new things, join a baby club, talk to neighbours and try to enjoy life.

So my dear, I have been through it and you definitely can do better than I can. Every cloud has its silver lining and remember when you are lonely, ask a question in Yahoo or answer one ... don't let depression get you.

Answer 2

If he travels 2 to 3 weeks out of the month is there no way that he can be home based in IL? That way you could be with your family and have him. If you have to stay there then try to find some friends or get involved with a play group with your son and meet some other moms. Take him to a mothers day out once or twice a week and go to a gym and meet some people there. Try to find a church to go to. If you have to stay there then try to make the most of it and get involved in your community and meet some people and then you won't feel so lonely and the place will feel more like home. You could always take a class or take an online class that would help to keep your mind occupied. It is always hard to be away from home but you will get used to it. It does not mean you don't love your husband, it just means this is a big deal in your life you are going to have to deal with ir. Look for some options. Maybe he could have a small apartment there and just come to IL on the weekends to see you. Just some ideas....

Answer 3

Why do you have to live in Chicago? Talk to your husband and tell him that you feel that since he is away from home so much why cant you make your home where your family is because you are feeling too alone. This doesn't seem like too much to ask since he spends so much time away from home working. And I might add, you are very lucky to be a stay at home mom. I live in Ca. and I have to work and put in at the very least 10 hours of over time every week just to get by. Tell him everything you said in this question it sounds like a normal feeling for a young mother.

Answer 4

As your husband is travelling most of the time anyway... does it matter where you live?

Why don't you discuss with him the possibilty of living closer to your family...

In the meantime... why don't you try to make some friends... why don't you take up a hobby... start playing tennis... do a course on pottery... do all those things that women do. There is no reason why you should stay home all alone. Or get a part time job.

But you need to explain to your husband how you feel. Maybe he'll come up with an idea also.

Answer 5

Well I can say that I had a similar problem only my husband was in Iraq. I found out 2 weeks after he left I was pregnant with my first child. I was 8 hours away from family and missing my husband. I say you need to talk to your usband about this. And don't question your love for your husband if you know that you truly do. Let him know how you feel. Maybe he can find a suggestion that you all can agree on. Communication is a very important key in a marriage. If you don't find time to talk nothin ever seems to get solved. Think positive and try to find a few friends. Good luck.

Answer 6

My sister has the same problem but she has gotten somewhat used to it after 6 yrs, but she is still depressed all the time. I think you really either need to focus on living a more complete life in MN or tell your husband you need to move back to Chicago. Because if its affecting you that much, you need to do some soul searching about it and talk to your husband about it. It sounds like if he wasn't gone all the time you could cope better but you are truly alone most of the time . So coudl he change jobs, or could you move back to chicago and how does he feel about it. Its very complicated. I wish you alot of luck.

Answer 7

You are lonely when he is not there. You need to talk to him about this, if he travels 2-3 weeks out of the month then maybe you and him should try to relocate closer to your family. If that is not an option try getting out and doing things so that you can meet people and have friends there so you dont feel like you are all alone. With your child you could get him in a mothers day out program or something so that you have time to meet people.

Answer 8

I think you're lovesick/homesick for a home with your husband. You keep looking back because you used to have him home all the time, right? Depression, in my opinion, is harmful if it goes for long enough, because it can just keep lasting. Call your husband perhaps once every two or three days if it's possible, ask that he takes a day off every once and a while just to stay home with you. Hang with your friends, and be with your younger boy.
Stay strong and hold on. You still love your husband, but I think you're scared of the family being apart and not together.

Answer 9

I moved 10 hours away from my family about two years ago. It was really hard, because like you, I am a stay at home mom and I didn't feel like I knew anyone. But the bottom line is this, if you don't try to make yourself happy in your new home, you will never be. Get out and get connected with other moms in your area, do volunteer work and limit the trips you make back home until you feel more comfortable where you are at. Best of luck.

Answer 10

Your going to have to get over it. Every person that comes from a big city to a smaller town has a hard time adjusting,especially stay at home mothers. But here is some advice,get to know the town,explore it,if you have children,take them places,familiarize yourself with your neighbors,knowing people actually helps the situation. We all have to grow up sometime,and you choose your "dream life",having everything you want,and this is the price you pay. Take an interest in your kids instead of your selfish pursuit of wanting to be in the city where life goes to fast,and everyone,including yourself, has MORE things to do. Volunteer,do anything you can do occupy yourself from the lonliness you'll be surprised that the world doesn't revolve around one city and one person's happiness.