i'm 13, my parents are getting divorced. well my mom and my stepdad. they have been together for 8 years, and i hated him the whole time. he was always really mean, and hateful to me, now they are getting divorced, after having two kids together (one 5 year old boy, and a 3 year old girl) i feel really bad that i couldn't tell my mom what a scumbag he was and i feel like it's my fault that the babies are going to get screwed over because their parents are divorced. am i stupid for feeling guilty?
2007-01-01 04:41:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. THOSE ARE ADULT ISSUES. THERE WAS NOTHING YOU CAN DO.
Take care of you!!!
2007-01-01 04:45:37 · answer #1 · answered by IMHO 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
adults grow apart sometimes.kids often think it's all there fault,but it's NOT.parents have to stand beside one another thru thick and thin,and sometimes they just can't make things work out.it could be a # of things,but kids are not the reason.you shouldn't hate him.if your mom loved him for 8 years she must be a very special lady.having 3 kids and an 8 year marriage,things must of been kinda good.it's a big responsibility for a man to raise a child for that length of time and knowing that he's not your real dad.he must of done a little something right .you had clothes, food,and a roof over your head .I'm not taking up for him,just a reminder of some things he's done for all of you.
just be there for your mom,brother and little sister.they all need you.you being a teenager your mom will need you.just have an open mind,but try not to hurt her feelings on the situation.remember she loved this man for 8 years.I'm sure they had some GREAT times.
just hold your head up,and be a big sister.things will work out for the best.
2007-01-01 13:23:21 · answer #2 · answered by hl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am in the works of filing the paperwork for my divorce. My husband and I have been married 4 years and in those 4 years, he has been abusive to me both physically and verbally and has been verbally abusive to my children from a prior relationship. We have a 3 year old son together. My older boys do not like their step-father and honestly, I'm not sure they ever liked him, but I would be heart-broken if either of them ever felt guilty or felt that they were the cause of my divorce.
Sweetie, just remember that your mom made the decision to marry this man and she has now made the decision to divorce him. While your well-being and that of your brother and sister maybe a factor in her decision, you did not cause their divorce. As for your little brother and sister, just remember that they are little and they will bounce back from this. Kids are resilient and while it maybe hard for them to understand now, if your step-dad is as bad as you say he is, they will figure that out as they get older and will understand that your mom did what was best for them.
Good luck, best wishes and happy new year!
2007-01-01 13:09:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to feel like you could have done something to prevent the divorce from happening, since you're sort of stuck in the middle of it. But in reality, a marriage is between two adults, and it's not anything that you could have or should have done anything about. You can help out your little brother and sister by being supportive to them as you all go through this together.
2007-01-01 12:48:06 · answer #4 · answered by kittenpie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although you may have felt the man was bad, it was not your place or responsibility to bring that to light. It was your mom's job to make sure she made a good choice in a husband. Divorce is never the fault of children but adults. However your feelings of guilt are quite normal just misplaced.
2007-01-01 12:44:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gee hon it's not your fault!! Your Mom is a grown up who made a mistake. It happens. You and your little bro and sis will be fine, Mom and Dad will work it out so you are all taken care of.You are not stupid and thats the point you really cant do much about it but its not your fault. Its between your Mom and Dad.
2007-01-01 13:29:13 · answer #6 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no u r not stupid....my mom and dad divorced 6 yrs ago...it still hurts somewhat.....your mom and stepdad getting a divorce is their decision...i'm sure they didnt sit down and your stepdad say "i want a divorce because your daughter cant stand me." Maybe she realized what a scumbag he was before u did, it just took her longer to realize he needed to leave!
2007-01-01 12:46:51 · answer #7 · answered by hot_mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It not your fault. There is nothing you can do, so don't feel guilty. As for the babies, it's probably best for them their parents are divorcing. They don't need to see their parents fight.
2007-01-01 12:44:29 · answer #8 · answered by Laura M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no, you arent being stupid for feeling guilty. if my parents were getting divorced and all the drama was happening i would feel bad too. just be there for you brother and sister, help out with everything. you should tell your mom how you feel, but it isnt your fault. she was able to figure it out on her own...even though it sounds selfish, we all have to figure out our mistakes and problems. just be there for your family. just be there for your family and i hope everything works out. =]
2007-01-01 12:45:27 · answer #9 · answered by roxygirl2828 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not stupid but it is not your fault at all. Stand by and be there for your Mom. Time is a great healer and try to let this affect you as little as possible. Please remember it is not your fault.
2007-01-01 12:44:51 · answer #10 · answered by SKYDOGSLIM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it's stupid to feel guilty. it's your mom fault for marrying him. even if you had of told what you thought of him she probably would have still married him. and the children will probably grow up to hate you, i know me and my stepsister have a contentious relationship... and she's in college.
2007-01-01 12:59:42 · answer #11 · answered by justanotheruser 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋