how can i stop feeling so sad and awful about past mistakes?

Question

my marriage almost ended but we faught really hard for everything and stayed together. we love each other so much, and i feel terrible and sad for mistakes i made that contributed to the bad times. we now get on so much better and hold hands like we just met, its lovely. but i feel so sad for the past, and that my husband spoke to a girl on the phone during this bad time- this was only for one week but it broke my heart. he cut all contact from his friends and that girl and we put 100% into our marriage. but i feel so sad and sometimes i get pain inside when i think about my lovely husband talking to another girl, it was just for one week. im so happy we are together and we are planning a lovely christmas, how can i stop thinking about the past and stop feeling sad about pastmistakes? they creep up on me in my mind and the awful feelings come flooding back and i start crying, sometimes once or twice every day. how can i get over the bad times and move on with my life?

Answer 1

You need to forgive yourself,if you would forgive someone for the same mistakes,do the same to yourself.Thank God for forgiveness and your hasbands.

Answer 2

Hey Girl,

My husband and I went through something like this about a year ago. We also rough things out and our marriage was better than is ever had been the whole 5 years of marriage. However I found myself going back and thinking about these things like yourself. Also like pushing myself away from him yet I wanted to be with him more than anything. You have to allow yourself to move on and heal the past. But that all starts by you allowing yourself, over time trust will build again. But if you first off tell him how you feel and not only that write a letter about all the these that upset up, doesn't matter if its something he did, you did or even now do. Get everything out in the open and allow yourself to forgive and live for today and all the tomorrows. If this doesn't work maybe think about going to getting some counseling it doesn't mean anything but you know there is a problem and you want to fix it. As long as you are feeling what you are you can't have the prefect relationship you want to have. Good luck If you want to write me you can. Always open to listen. Marina

Answer 3

I almost feel your pain. I can understand that you are completely happy once again but you cant let go of the situation (with the girl) It will play on your mind , I'm not sure why it will but it sticks there and won't go away too easily. Maybe somewhere in your mind you think about what could have happened between your husband and his lady friend hadnt you gotten back together. If you know deep in your heart that he truly loves you and wants you alone then maybe and hopefully with some time you will be able to move on and let it go. Take care Im not sure if anything i said helped or made sense but it was worth a try.

Answer 4

Well, let's state the obvious here: you and Ann are in a fight. Ken is Ann's cousin. Since you guys are in a fight, and she's his relative, he was more likely to side with her. Therefore, this got Ken pretty upset with you too (whether what he supposedly said is true or not, I'm not sure). Therefore, the only real way to fix the problem between you and Ken is to go beneath that, and fix the problem between you and Ann. Somehow find a way to resolve that one argument, and all 3 of you should be good to go. One side note: I recommend that you NEVER, EVER, post anything online, or even take any kind of action against someone until your anger has settled down. This way, you'll be able to act more rationally, and prevent any mistakes that could've otherwise been avoided. Hope this helps, and best of luck!!

Answer 5

STOP IT! It really is that simple. See that what mistakes took place allowed you both to really see how strong you could be in putting it all back in order. Life is all about experiences and lessons and doing it all better next time. You should feel proud of him for letting her go, but acknowledge that if you aren't giving him love he needs he will look some place else. You two know each other better because of mistakes so be proud of what you've been through and feel confident that you know what not to do this time around. For every moment you cry over learning how to do things right it is a moment you're not practicing doing things right and you're just stuck. Keep moving and praise yourself and him every time you see the mistakes in your mind and that will cease the pain.

Answer 6

Girl, There is going to be times when we all think of the bad things we were part of in our pasts. But the only way to stop them from being so constant is just like any bad memory, time.
This love that you have,has just recently been renewed, and you still have small doubts and worries in your mind that this may turn sour again.Not at all that you want it too but just the same fear it.
I learned a really good trick years ago from a therapist on how to retrain the mind to not focus on thoughts that are dooming and unpleasant.Its called cognitive thinking.
Basically everytime you get one of them thoughts in your mind playing back to you you have to stop yourself right at the beginning and not let it play any further. Then you tell yourself inside (not out loud) That was the past, this is today and is nothing like it was then. I can believe in myself and those that love me and will not fail so do not need to think of them thoughts anymore.
It may take a while for it to really start working well, but it will.Then in time you will be able to think of them thoughts and they will no longer have an affect on like they do now.
Just don't stop doing this cognitive thinking stuff till you feel a change.
It works, I know from experience.Good luck and be happy, you deserve it!

Answer 7

OK first of all you need to think of the past as just that the past i am sure you were no angel either,, maybe you were not talking to some guy but you must have been doing something to help with the friction in the relationship.. second he should not cut off contact with his friends and neither should you.. i have lived that life and i know..concentrate on what you have going for the both of you now and work on that.. and talk often and treat each other as you would want to be treated by the other.. hope i help

Answer 8

Hi Louise,

We all make mistakes and time will lessen their intensity.

This may sound too simple but I think you should focus your attention on building a future with the benefit of hindsight.

Learning from your mistakes is the most positive thing you can do with them. Be happy that you managed to save the relationship before it was too late and you can now move forward.

Regret is running things over in your mind with if's and but's hoping they could be changed, but as they can't this is quite pointless. Concentrate on the future and build yourselves a good one.

Hope you have a good Christmas and a happy future ;-)

Answer 9

Time heals. It may be beneficial to talk to a social worker or psychologist. I wouldn't recommend going on any anti-depressants/ant-anxiety drugs since they only numb you and the issues are still there...then after you go off of them you have withdrawl symptoms to deal with. Try to keep your mind occupied. Maybe you and your husband should take up a new hobby, join a gym or team sport, or maybe you should get out with your friends more. I am happy for you that you are willing to move on and build on your relationship. Perhaps you should go to a counsellor with your husband and detrmine the root of your problems and why he had to turn to another girl otherwise, if the problem is still there it is bound to happen again. Good Luck!

Answer 10

You hit a bad time but you worked your way through it both of you. Many people give up and dont try hard enough. Your husband needed to talk to someone who was not personally involved and by doing this he was able to face the problems in your marriage.
You have both come out of this stronger and more solid be proud of that. Everyone has things happen to them they regret he even gave up his friends for you. look forward not back you both must be very much in love. merry christmas.

Answer 11

what doesnt kill you makes you stronger! Everytime a bad memory creeps up fight it with a good memory and always let the good ones win the fight. what makes you smile? Now hold that thought and think of it even harder...still smiling? dont know what time it is where you are but walk away form your computer, go outside take a few deep breaths and think happy thoughts for a few minutes (be careful tinkerbell aint about sprikling dust though or you might take off!) Dont let the bad memories take hold or life while pass you by - trust me i lost years of my life feeling down about my past. You only live once...