After 3 years of dating, How do you know if you should leave or stay in it?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 3 years. The first year we always talked about getting married and how we want the wedding, and our life together afterwards. Now for the past two years we never talk about getting married. If i bring it up he will change the subject. I have a friends wedding anniversary to go to next month, its their ten year anniversary. And all my boyfriend can do is complain about not wanting to go, he went as far as getting into a fight with me about it. I do not know if this relationship is worth the effort anymore or not. I still love him more then anything in the world. What should I do?

Answer 1

Things change and people change; nothing stays the same.

You should only walk out of a relationship if you two want different things or if things are just unbearable/beyond repair.

Answer 2

Okay i think you ansered your own question.... you still love him more than anything in the world, so NO you shouldn't call it quits yet.... no relationship is easy or else everyone would stay together forever.... it takes work... YOu need to talk to your BF and let him know how your feeling, after 3 years you should be able to tell him Any and everything and if you can't then there is something wrong... Tell him that your starting to think about marriage, and see how it goes, tell him that lately you feel he has been pushing the subject away... you might as well flat out ask him, if he ever sees you two getting married soon? What do you have to loose right? Good Luck, don't be afriad to talk to him and get what you want out of the relationship. GL

Answer 3

3 years is a pretty long time especially if into the FIRST year u guys were talking abt marriage.
the first 5 years of any relationship are the hardest. the 1st is easy- its the honeymoon period. the 2nd year is the "oh he's always in my face" period. the 3rd year is the "yes we CAN live without seeing each other everyday". the 4th and 5th year are just basic trial and error. but by the 3rd year you should be thinking ya he's annoying, he's sloppy, he's always in my face - BUT, i STILL love him and want to be with him. and he should be thinking like that abt u as well.
maybe he's not afraid of marrying u, maybe he's just afraid of the whole idea of marriage. does he come from a broken family?
i really don't see why anyone shud be afraid of marraige because marraige is all abt compromise because no longer are u just one person, u are TWO people responsible for ONE life.
r u sure he is the one for u? i truly believe that marriage is mostly based on good timing rather than "the one". if after 3 years either party are unsure abt marraige then the picture doesn't look good. by 3 years you should atleast know which direction it is leading to.
its better get out of it at 3 years rather than 4 or even 6 years. if u don't think he's in the same place as u are then its pretty obvious that u both want different things, and u can't wait for him to want it too- u shouldn't! i'm sure u deserve way better than that.

i think u shud speak to him. say "you know, it two years time i see myself having kids! what abt u?". then he will answer, and if he says ya me too. then say "ya but before having kids i just want to be married for like a year and a half" (meaning- r u ready for marriage now?). then u will probably get the answer that u are looking for.

good luck!

Answer 4

Let me guess, you are either living with this man or are already involved sexually. Why would a man who has someone to cook, clean, sleep with, and so on take on more responsibility and committment when he is already getting everything he wants??? It's almost like this; why would a person who is getting free sattelite service ever contact the company and offer to start paying? Not unless that person has integrity. Does this guy have integrity? Probably not if he is willing to take all you have to offer and not give in return. When will we as women start expecting more from men? They will live up to it if we set a higher standard. We moan and complain when men won't commit, won't support us, don't want kids, you name it, yet we as women are willing to act inferior by being their maids, cooks, and sex toys and then we wonder why they act like that! Marriage is a partnership. Both sides give and both are impotant. Date men who will not use you like that. If he wants you and respects you and if he deserves all you have to offer, then he will show it by marrying you FIRST. The "no sex out of wedlock" rule is not some made up archaic law; there is actually a lot of wisdom in it. It helps women screen out the users and losers from those men that are the real men with honor and integrity. You have wasted 3 years, don't waste any more. Why on earth would you want to marry someone who doesn't want to get married????? You aren't that desperate are you? What would married life be like? It would suck and be full of resentment. If you call it off, know that you will be really sad for a while, but we all know life is full of heartache and you will get over it. Be wise and don't mess up your life and if you plan on having kids, their life. Don't think he will change just because you marry him.

Answer 5

Ask him calmly, in words of one syllable if he still wishes to marry you as you had discussed. Then let him answer, and if its anything other than "Yes, hows next June" you will know hes emotionally divorced already. It does sound like he will be letting you know this soon as your friends wedding anniversary seems to have triggered something in his behavior. You may love him, he may even still love you, but, well....you know the old saying about why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Awful as it is, now you know why they say that.

Answer 6

if the man hasn't proposed in 3 years and the subject of marriage is wearing on him, it's time to move on. hard as it might be to leave a man you 'love,' but you have to think of yourself, too! look at the big picture. what do you want out of life? do you want to get married and raise a family? if so, your time is limited, unfortunately. women become less and less fertile after the age of, gasp, 27!!!!!

if after 1 year od dating he hasn't proposed marriage (ie, you don't have a ring on your finger), it's should be a sign. it says he's not interested in marrying you; he's just w/ you until the next best thing comes along.

i say, no matter how you feel about him, there's very little potential. i doubt he'll ever come around and propose, so do yourself a favor and leave.

don't get into a fight w/ him over it, either. don't demand marriage. don't give him an ultimatum (sp?). just leave. if you live together, don't tell him you're moving out. find a place or go back home w/o making a big to-do about it. one day he should come home from work and just find you gone.

don't call him, don't text him, don't email him, don't leave word w/ friends of family. make a new life for yourself. if he contacts you, tell him (in as nice and calm a tone as you can muster) that you've spent 3 years w/ him and you feel the relationship isn't really going anywhere, it has no real potential and you would like to be married and have children by a certain point in your life. tell him you can't waste any more time. tell him he's a wonderful man, but things just didn't work out the way you planned.

again, don't blame him, don't ridicule him, don't put him down, don't nag him, don't point out his shortcomings, and whatever you do, DON'T CRY and lower yourself!

smile, head up, be strong, have a goal in mind and strive for it. don't let anyone slow you down, or get in your way. if he wants to get back together and work on it, if he says eventually, he'd like to get married too and have children, if you feel he's being sincere and you think he's a good catch, then give him one more shot. if in the next 3-4 months he doesn't propose, leave him for good and don't look back.

ways to make a man propose quicker:
1. don't be his wife before you get married
2. don't always be available for him in bed
3. don't be his therapist
4. don't cook for him, clean for him, or do his laundry
5. don't call him, text him, email him
6. don't talk on the phone w/ him for more than 10-20 mins at a time
7. don't go out w/ him more than 1-2 days a week
8. don't accept last minute dates
9. be important, have self worth and self respect
10. don't mother him or emasculate him
11. don't argue w/ him
12. don't fight or point out his flaw
13. don't counsel him or tell him how to dress or behave

bottom line, he has to miss you. absense makes the heart grow stronger. he has to realize your worth to him. don't be around so much, yet when you are w/ him, always smile and be considerate.

trouble is, lots of couples spend way too much time together and think they can make booty calls whenever the heck they want. the man has to respect your body and not just take you for granted. he has to appreciate you. that can't happen if you're always around or if you mother him.

so, leave him. if he wants back, give it 3 months. no ring yet? leave for good. don't feel bad about it, either. work on finding the right man, but in order to do that, you have to have the right attitude. the right attitude = open, friendly, caring, and NOT hung up on the ex!

good luck.

Answer 7

The next step in a relationship is usually forward not to stand stationary and stagnant. He does not want to take the next step. So unless all you desire is to be his girlfriend, then I would say you need to move on.

The reason he is cranky about the wedding anniversary is because you might bring up that point. That, in itself, tells me that I would need to move on.

Yes, you can love someone who is totally unworthy BUT you know what? You can love someone who is totally worthy and wants to take the next step with you. Don't let that opporturnity pass you by wasting your time with this guy. You'll be bitter.

Answer 8

My theory is that 2.5-3 years is long enough to wait for a proposal. Anything longer than that and it's just to long.
Now...here's the thing. He could be planning to propose to you soon and that's why he hasn't been talking about it, so wait until after the Holidays to have this discussion, just in case.
If nothing happens, just gently say that you love him very much but you feel ready for marriage and if he doesn't, that's ok. He's just not the guy for you and you really don't feel like you should have to wait any longer.

Answer 9

I remember in college!
I had a sex class! no kidding!
they say after the first 3 years the "excitment wears off" some will say 3 months but it's 3 years!
if you haven't build a strong communication, trusting, and passion .. then you must get that now!
I feel the communication needs work! yes on his part but yours as well! I have notice being in the relationship i am in that when i post something on here regauding my relationship i aparently need to communication my feelings to him! No one hear knows his intent or what he wants to say or how i really feel! they may have a broad idea but they don't know not enough chartactors to express it!
some times just LOVE won't cut the cake! you need to have trust commuincation and passion!
with out it your a train on no track!
force him to talk to you!
if he don't talk to you then he isn't putting effort it! to work on the relationship! and for once i found out that relationships are TONS of work BUT WORTH IT...
Best of luck

Answer 10

You need to go to the wedding by yourself, if you look at the whole picture you might come to find out that he might be seeing someone and therefore is willing to pick a fight with you, also that he is not in love with you but rather loves you. In order to marry someone you have to be in love with him or her. I would take the hint and I would say goodbye. I would tell him that you understand that he doesn't want to get married but that you need to move on with your life. I would tell him that it has been nice but now it is time to say good-bye. If it were meant to be then it would have happened or will happen. Don't give him the choice of marrying you rather set him free, with out making him feel guilty. Then you will know if he just loves you or is in love with you.

Set him free... Tell him that he is free to sail the seven seas and that there is no hard feelings. You don't want him to marry youjust because your in love with him right? Rather you want him to marry you because he is in love with you.