We have been very nurturing parents (attachment parenting, co-sleeping, positive discipline, etc.) and have continually reassured our son we love him just as much as we always have. Yet still - almost 2 years after the birth of our daughter - he's quite jealous. Strangely, he's been a lot kinder to her and more interested in her recently (he was once fiercely jealous and it seemed that his whole raison d'etre was to thwart or hurt her). But I saw a movie (Jude) a week ago in which the older boy strangles his baby and toddler sister and then hangs himself b/c he misunderstood something the mother had said. I know our situation is immensely different from the one in the movie, but I've still felt a nagging worry about it. I would not be able to live with myself if my daughter died and it was because I didn't listen to messages or feelingsI was getting. But I don't want to stop the positive attitude, trust and self-esteem developing. Plus doing so would only exacerbate the jealousy.
2006-12-12 11:28:06 · 8 answers · asked by Allison Allison 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Yes, you're paranoid. Positive reinforcement and attachment parenting is wonderful, especially coupled with correct, loving boundaries and appropriate consequences for crossing boundaries.
I have 4 kids. The olders ones each had some jealousy early on. I've never feared intentional retaliation against a younger sibling. They are actually fiercely protective of each other. BTW, I had 4 kids in 5 years.
It's just a movie. Get a grip.
2006-12-12 11:33:43 · answer #1 · answered by Joanna V 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Jelousy/sibling rivalry is normal. It is a transient phase and the child will outgrow it. The older child should be made proud of his maturity and his being skillful, big and strong. At the same time, the parents can, once in a while, point out casually towards the helplessness of the newborn or the younger child. This will make the child take pride in self as a grown up and he will also realize that there are many disadvantages in being a small baby and several advantages of being the first born or senior.
One of the best ways in which you can help your son get over the pain of having a younger rival is by not making him feel a rival at all. He should be made to feel that he is not competing in the same league with the baby, nor he is at par with it, he is infact bigger than your daughter. He should be made to act as if he is no longer a child, but a 'third' parent to your daughter. Then you should show genuine appreciation of his efforts in caring for your daughter.
2006-12-12 22:46:54 · answer #2 · answered by Kate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to say your son would go to those extremes like in the movie, but I think I would always trust my motherly instinct-make sure it's the 3 of you for a while until you can be more sure. He'll pick up lessons on trust and self-esteem with you there, and maybe even more so with you guiding him.
3 year olds can't have an adult logic-at his daycare, my 8 month old son was being bopped by a 3 year old child of one of the daycare workers. He thought my son liked it ( he didn't) and was having the time of his life popping my son in the arm and laughing-usually this kid kisses and hugs my child. You simply have no way of knowing how they interpret things.
Better safe than sorry-especially when it comes to young ones.
2006-12-12 11:35:58 · answer #3 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG I thought I was the only one who worried about things like that. My daughter who is 9 and my son 19mo, have to share a room right now because we are in the process of buying a home and the only thing I could get short term was a 2 bedroom. My daughter gets frustrated with my son a lot and even though she has never acted out in violence, I did worry about her hurting him while he slept at night. of course, everyone I talked to thought I was crazy. I dont honestly think it would happen but as parents we all have things we worry about: like an electrical fire (which is another one of my fears) in the middle of the night or something like that. Just try to relax and stay away from movies like that :) Take Care Hon.
2006-12-12 11:35:31 · answer #4 · answered by Kristin Pregnant with #4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be careful. My older brother held me under water when I was 3 and he was 5. My father saw him doing that and did the same for a few seconds and asked If he was going to do it again. He never did. Ahh old fashion parenting. But my older brother went from being the little king in every ones eyes to being told to go away and wasn't allowed around me. Thanks to my a rsehole grandfather.
Try giving him a little extra attention. Since it must be hard on a small child understanding why their younger sibling gets more attention than they, especially if they can remember what it was like before the younger sibling came.
2006-12-12 18:00:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is possible that older siblings may be jealous to the point of wanting to hurt their younger brother or sister. And yes, you should listen to your gut feelings. (Oh, if only I would listen to all of mine.) I once saved myself from crashing into a semi...I had a "gut feeling" that something was wrong when I was driving over the top of that hill...What was wrong was a semi in my lane...
Anyway...try taking your kids to a therapist asap. It won't hurt if ya try it.
2006-12-12 11:38:34 · answer #6 · answered by lkjgfyfukh 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
really elementary! My mom (a nurse for toddlers) says it is the actually way toddlers are maximum tender and how they obviously sleep. previously the SIDS worry, toddlers ought to sleep on their stomachs like this. My sister and that i both slept like this as toddlers ... :)
2016-11-30 12:19:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you have anything to worry about but keep telling him you love him. That is one thing you can never say too much. Good Luck
2006-12-12 11:40:49 · answer #8 · answered by tpbthigb 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋