My husband doesn't talk to his parents and vice versa, but we live together. It's horrible! Now I don't even get along with them very well. My husband and I want to leave but the problem is that in our culture my inlaws expect us to take care of them. Also they are not so financially capable. In order to be free of finance stress they need to live with us. Reliant on us. I don't care anymore and believe they can survive. Afterall they have the money to buy this house not us. We just keep losing money helping them. My husband doesn't move because he will feel guilty and he feels its an obligation. But to live up to an obligation, does it mean you should be miserable and keep your marriage in such pain from the parents? Where do you draw the line? I feel bad also but I can't do this for the rest of my life, 2 years have been dreadful! Plus they always tell my husband that they suffered for him and took care of him so now its his turn. This is not right, my parents don't think this way!
2006-12-08 10:57:47 · 14 answers · asked by mindy25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We are from the same culture. And my husband is just as miserable as me and more.
2006-12-08 11:10:55 · update #1
Seek professional help Find Dr Phil
2006-12-08 10:59:49 · answer #1 · answered by Marshall Lee 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Only your husband can truely make this decision. And sorry, but it may be right. Just because it is not your culture, does not make it wrong.
If you force your husband to move, he will feel guilty, and then resentful towards you, and that will not end well. If you stay, then you will be resentful towards him. Do you see the irony here? This may have been one of those things you discussed before marriage. What makes you more unhappy? Living with the inlaws, or living without the husband? Answer that, and you will see exactly what you should do, and what your priorities are.
2006-12-08 19:01:58 · answer #2 · answered by shaclare 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to grow up. He is not responsible for taking care of his parents. They are a big girl and a big boy and ought to be able to take care of themselves. If not, there is help out there for them. They take advantage of him and make him feel guilty. You took vows when you were married. Both of your priorities are too each other, not his parents. If there was a way to have them live with you or you live with them in a harmonious way, it would be different.
Grow up and get out. For the sake of your sanity if nothing else. Parents have an obligation to their children until the child is old enough to care for themselves. If they were handicapped, elderly, etc. it would be different. Yes he will feel guilty. Get him a counselor and move on with your own life which should include a new home with no parents.
2006-12-08 19:09:50 · answer #3 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Neither do my parents, although I too come from a culture where kids take care of their parents and often live with them. His parents sound controlling and overbearing. I don't think it's reasonable to expect an adult married couple to not have their privacy and independence. It's admirable that your husband has a sense of duty towards his parents, but there is a point at which he has to choose either his family (i.e., you) or his parents. If he wants to dedicate his life to his parents, it's fine - but then perhaps he needs to let you go, and stay single.
2006-12-08 19:24:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you got married you both took an oath to make each other a priority. His new family now comes first if he truly loves them. Mom and dads are responsible for their children until they are adults, then everyone is on their own. They will be okay, people are always okay. You are not being selfish. If hubby won't leave with you then perhaps you have to spend some time setting up house for you and the kids. You married him, not his mom and dad. Good luck hon. ps whatever you do, do not make your husband feel like a jerk for feeling he should be responsible, make sure you tell him how much you understand, but are unhappy.
2006-12-08 19:03:29 · answer #5 · answered by el 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Be adults and put them in a home, if that is necessary. You need to take care of yourselves, and you know this are you wouldn't have worded the question the way you did. Pack their bags and get them to hiking. You will both be much happier. You can love your parents with out having them live with you. I am sure your husband relationship with them will get better as well. If you let them stay YOU pack your bags, be happy yourself. Good Luck!
2006-12-08 19:02:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what!? It's 2006, we've got to make moves that will help us and our future children. Your parents are guilt tripping which is a form of control. I don't talk to my mom 'cause of it and frankly if she wants to guilt trip me by reminding me of all that she's done for me then forget it! IF you raise a child you do it out of unconditional love not because you expect something in return. You cannot chase a butterfly with a net. Your parents should be put out if they do not respect that you two are both adults making decisions. They must respect that.
Good luck to you! And Happy Holidays...I feel your pain sis!
2006-12-08 19:13:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should always put your marriage first. But then, if you have a different culture, I am not sure what the right thing for you guys to do is? That is a bad situation. I would definitely push to move out. To save my marriage and my sanity.
2006-12-08 19:10:39 · answer #8 · answered by Stephanie H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter is 21 and has been a big help to me since I became disabled. I don't know what I will do without her when she finishes college and goes on to make her own life, but I know that I will be fine and I WANT her to have a happy life!
Unless his parents are medically unable to live alone (and there are two of them, right?) he is not obligated to live with them. I don't know what your religious belief is, but the Bible says, "A man shall leave his mother and father and shall cleave unto his wife."
That pretty much sums it up. We are to honor our parents, but that doesn't mean they can walk all over us and not allow us to have a life. God punish me if I don't allow my child to move out on her own!
Best Wishes,
Sue
2006-12-08 19:03:31 · answer #9 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to learn, to make the best of the situation. Your husband is not going to leave his parents, and they know it. You need to lighten up, and work with what you have, because you have to do what you have to do! Try and make yourself have a good day every day, This is something that I try and do, and it will make your day, a lot happier! Have a great holiday!
2006-12-08 19:31:24 · answer #10 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋