here goes..im 24 and married(it was arranged) I dont love my husband anymore he doesn't make me happy.The man I wanted to
marry has been in contact with me and said he wants me to be with him and i do love him(never stoped)..here is the problem..divorce in my culture is the worst thing u could do and i fear for my life if i do leave him(u know about honor killings,right?).the man i want to be with tells me if i cant file for a divorce now that i should runaway and be with him then i can file from there(different state)and he swears he wont let anything happen to me(i feel so safe with him).i really wan t to be with him but im scared of doing this.I feel as if they(husband or my fam)will track me down and have me killed for ''dishonoring them''(it's happened). Im so down and i feel stuck!!How would i go about filing for divorce if we got married overseas?I want nothing from him at all..I just want to be happy once and for all...plz understand I need serious advice....
2006-12-07 06:48:43 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
btw..im muslim and the man i love is christian and in the army....more reason to believe that I would be risking my life being with him...im thinking of even changing my name once i leave my husband so it would be harder for them to find me....
2006-12-07 06:50:59 · update #1
i know i probably need to contact a lawyer or something but i want your opinons....is risking your life for love worth it ...i think it is
2006-12-07 06:52:57 · update #2
my husband isnt a bad person...its just that i dont love him..and i dont want to be stuck in a loveless marriage..
2006-12-07 06:58:43 · update #3
i live in cali....the guy i love in the midwest
2006-12-07 07:02:29 · update #4
to mike....are u saying this is made up?why would i do that?I haven't been to a lawyer but i can leave home daily(like anyone else).and about me posting here?Its not like I'm the only muslim female in cali and I have more things to worry about then having someone find out from here..it's not likely.I got married overseas because thats what ''they'' pressured me into it and I couldnt have done anything like i could have if it happened here.
2006-12-07 08:56:52 · update #5
Brutal situation. It really isn't fair for you to ask us what to do when the answer may mean your death.
This is between you and your heart.
Good luck, I wish you a long wonderful loving life.
2006-12-07 06:52:16 · answer #1 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Are you in the states? If so add that as additional details. I will then post you some links you need to contact that can help you. They will keep this all confidential and will actually help "lose" you so that your family and husband can not find you. They will also help with all the divorce issues.
Well the road goes two ways I guess. You are in an marriage you dont but your husband is a good person, but you fear for your life because of honor killings.. I would suggest the urls I am posting below. (You didnt state if you were in the states, but I will post them anyways, if you arent in the states it gives you an idea on how to search then.)
If anything talk to them and they can help you sort this mess.
2006-12-07 06:55:07 · answer #2 · answered by Issym 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is runaway get in the car (or bus or train...) and run get to where your love is at. Then take off all his names and numbers out of the phonebook and move again to another state like Utah thats a uncommon one and live there. Then get a restraining order against them. If they come near you in anyway they will be arrested. Then dont have any contact with them disappear for 2 years maybe more then you take it to a judge and say I have not talked to my husband for over 2 years they will annul the marrige and it will be over. Then you move 1 more time and never talk or see him again. Stay with the one you love if you cant get a divorce without interaction dont get divorced if it risks your life. Stay married o him and kinda have a common law marriage. So to you the marriage will be gone and have your own fake ceromony so you two will be kinda married.
Any other ?'s email me
2006-12-07 06:58:48 · answer #3 · answered by Jessica 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you probably should be scared because honor killings do happen. Here in Canada there have been several such cases.
It really depends on the personalities of everyone involved. Would your current husband track you down to hurt/kill you? Would his family? Would your family? If so you should at least get restraining orders immediately against whoever you're afraid of, so the police can build a case if necessary.
If your current husband is modern or reasonable, then the main point is to not shame him so that he feels he has to react. It is tricky because you have to justify your reasons for leaving, but you should not make him out to be a totally bad person either.
Sorry I cannot help more.
2006-12-07 06:53:44 · answer #4 · answered by Julian A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who knows... I found this site close to three years ago and it has been an addiction ever since... And don't let me say I am over the addiction because as soon as I proclaim to have it "under control" It rears its ugly head again and BOOM! Before I know it I have sat here for more than two hours straight... I have met up with some interesting people along the way and some who were just down right freaky... Also there have been times when I am not goofing off I feel like I really gave someone a good solid answer to help them feel their way through what they were going through... It is hard to leave, consider you may but to actually leave, may prove hard although anything is possible so I wont even say never for myself...
2016-05-23 04:09:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can file for divorce here in the states, even if you were married over seas. Each state has it's own timeline as to how long you have to live in a state before you can file in that state though. You will have to check into which state you are planning on living in to see how long you have to live there before you can file for the divorce.
On another note, if you are not happy, then you need to get out. You live in the United States of America? I don't care what culture you are, this is very wrong! Go to a shelter for women and get away from him! Get FAR FAR FAR away from this man who you fear would/could take your life.
2006-12-07 06:54:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to consult with an attorney to see if the US can annul such a marriage. Depending on how old you were and if you were coerced into the marriage there may be remedies for you. You should find a family lawyer that will confidentially give you a free consultation.
If your husband is abusive then you should call the police right away. You can run away if that's what you have to do to be safe, but if you are living in the US (I'm not sure you are) then there may be other options.
2006-12-07 06:53:29 · answer #7 · answered by Cyber Stalker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there seems to be few things that don't seem to go with your story.
You can't leave, but you can visit a lawyer?
You are scared but not to post the whole thing (including where you live) in here?
If you married "over seas" then what made you do it?
The whole story sounds a little off.
Also, you of course mean lust?
Because LOVE has very little to do with lust.
Love is something worked at and can come even if you originally didn't"love" someone. While lust is just a desire to have.
I suggest if you married the man (and you say he isn't doing anything wrong) then the time to decide is over.
Mike
2006-12-07 07:20:45 · answer #8 · answered by Mike 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
oh honey!!! I am a muslim woman and I hate to think that this crap still happens!!! If the man you love is willing to help you through this...go for it!It makes me sick to think loved ones would do that to a person who wants to be happy!I am fortunate to not go through that but what i suggest is leaving,changing ur name,and if possible you social # too.You should do this before u have kids or get tied down more .Also having him(the man u love)in the army is a good thing and a bad thing.I think they move around alot,right?Have you thought about if he gets deployed?Would you feel safe while he's gone?Something to think about,hon.....but I think love does conquer all and the power of love can do anything.I'll be praying for you,sister.
p.s. Dont give up on god(allah) keep praying for help in this hard time.
2006-12-07 08:47:07 · answer #9 · answered by aliyah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave. File for divorce. Move to the states, if you can. Get a PO Box. Legally change your name. I can see a problem if your family knows the man you are in love with, they will try to find you through him. Get a restraining order and be prepared to never see or speak to your family again. Finally, make sure this man is worth it, you will have to give up everything for him.
2006-12-07 07:22:47 · answer #10 · answered by aa_cooke 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a very dangerous situation. My advice is to stay with your husband and make the best of it. Be glad you found love, but end the relationship with the other man. His encouragement is putting your life at risk and is actually selfish.
Your other option is to run away, to escape. If you have your passport, you may be able to go to another country. But if your husband or family want to find you, they will, especially if you try to divorce. Taking this course would mean living with your lover while remaining married to your husband, always moving, always living in fear.
If this man really loves you, he would not put you in such a position. If you do break away from your situation to be with him, eventually you will come to resent him.
I know this is not easy for you, but think long and carefully before you make your decision to stay or to run away to an uncertain and frightening future.
2006-12-07 07:12:04 · answer #11 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋