My Wife and I used to have the greatest sex life; she had a bigger sex drive than me, LOL! But ever since she gave birth to our Daughter a year ago she seems to have lost her sex drive completely. And the worst part is....I haven't....mine seems to have gotten even stronger! I've tried everything I could think of....we've talked about it, we've fought about it, I've tried being romantic, I've tried begging, I've tried demanding it, I've threatened to leave her over it....NOTHING SEEMS TO WORK! I love this woman with all my heart and realistically....I'd never leave her over this. But it's killing me; I want to be with my Wife so badly and she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore! I don't know what else to do....and finding someone on the side is out of the question....she's made that more than clear! So what can I do, if anything? Please, help me, I'm tired of feeling so nelgected and unloved....I've gotta get my sex loving Wife back again. Thanks for the help everyone!
2006-12-07 05:56:18 · 24 answers · asked by cvs_pharmacy_assistant_manager 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way....for those of you who are speculating that I'm not helping out around the house or with our Daughter....you're dead wrong! As a matter of fact, I do all the cleaning, I do the dishes, I cook sometimes, we split duties with our Daughter 50/50 and I do all the laundry too! I also tell her every single day how sexy she is, how beautiful she is and how much I love her. I never neglect her, I never turn her down or make her feel unloved or unwanted! She's even gained a ton of weight since she gave birth to our Daughter and she's really let herself go and I still love her just the same as I always have....IF NOT MORE!
2006-12-07 06:33:48 · update #1
Been there...it will get better but I know thats no consolation to you at this stage. Although I do understand your wife and her reasons (I'm assuming hormones/tired/stressed/don't want to be touched/insert whatever excuse here) she really needs to listen, hear and respond to you if she wants this marriage to work. To neglect this part of your marriage is big trouble. Read Dr. Phils advice below on this topic.
2006-12-07 07:55:13 · answer #1 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does she work outside the home? Even if she doesnt most likely she is very tired. You didnt mention if you help your wife around the house or take care of the baby (it's yours too). It sounds like she is the one who is feeling neglected. My advice is to help her around the house (and not only a few times just to get "some", but continously and help with the baby stuff). This is a BIG reason why she is acting this way, guarenteed.
OMG..it's obvious Rick N has never had a wife, let alone a girlfriend or kids!
After your edit, I would then say it's because she feels bad about herself right now and even you may not be able to help. Tell her you care about her and schedule an appt for her. Don't give up, having a baby is a very tough adjustment. Continue to do what you are doing.
2006-12-07 06:00:51 · answer #2 · answered by Jay Jay 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think anyone can really contemplate what it's like to have a child until you actually have one. I mean, you can prepare and imagine and plan, but until the baby comes its only an idea of what it will be like. If this is her first child, I can only imagine the emotional (and physical) roller coasters she's been on for the first year. Even if she doesn't show it, having a baby can be the most taxing, exhausting, consuming time in a woman's life.
You get the "motherly" syndrome, where she sees herself only as a mother and not a sexual being. You get the exhausted syndrome, enough said. You may get the "i'm as big as a house" syndrome. And lets not forget the entirety of thought it takes to be zoned in to the child's needs. I would bet that if she took her mind off the baby for one minute she would be wracked with guilt or concern for your daughter. These are assumptions of mine so far.
Try to step into her emotional shoes just for a bit, get a real idea of what's going on with her. At the same time, a year is a LONG time to be this consumed with the baby, or using it as an excuse.
My advice, do you have a mother or in law who can stay with the baby for a weekend or even a day/night? You two need time together, just the two of you. It's imperative at this point. If your marriage suffers to the breaking point, guess who will suffer the most? Your daughter. Be empathetic to your wife, offer your help to her as much as you humanly can. That will be a huge inroad to what she's going through. She may need to hear that you understand and relate to her, not that you want in her pants. You only have to ask for sex twice before she believes that's all you're thinking about. You probably appear selfish and one track minded to her. Don't mention sex anymore. Switch tactics. Be the perfect dream man she may need you to be - just melt the ice for her a little. See what you get in return.
2006-12-07 06:15:48 · answer #3 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is prob. her, her self esteem has went down the tubes since she had the baby. Give her a day of pampering along w/ a make over. Let her take pics @ Glamour shots. Go for walks w/ her , exercise w/ her. get her out of the "physical" and into the physical w/ exercising ( she will only be comfortable w/ herself if she feels better about ehrself on the outside. take your mind off of sex ( when you do, i'm quite sure it will happen more often) and focus on other things such as self esteem issues w/ her. go to counseling. Most of all continue to be patient. Tell her what you put in the posting. That you are still attracted to her and that you love her more since she gave you the gift of being a father. Buy her a nice dress and take her out to a nice place, make her feel sexy. Give her cards letting her know how sexy she is. Leave her notes letting her know.
2006-12-07 15:21:09 · answer #4 · answered by lovelife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babies do that. You need to take some of the burden off your wife. Watch the baby while she has a bath and takes a nap. I am willing to bet she is just too tired for sex. She is probably also "touched out" from having the baby climbing all over her. Don't threaten her, you'll just drive her away! You just need to spend more time building the connection of physical contact without sex. Ask her to compromise and agree to do it so many times a month or a week. Really just ask her what you can do to make her want it. And if you do get some, make it worth her while!
2006-12-07 06:01:34 · answer #5 · answered by Aloe-ish-us 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to see someone. Having a baby really throws your world out of whack. We get a rush of hormones we don't know how to deal with. I know for me, sex was the last thing on my mind. With everything else I had to do.....Maybe if you take some of the parenting load off of her she might be able to relax a little more. Plus, nothing is sexier than a man holding and caring for his child. Demonstarte to your wife the love you have for your family. Stop looking at life of how you are feeling unloved and neglected and start looking at it about how can you help her.
2006-12-07 06:06:38 · answer #6 · answered by Amy R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is being unfair to you, very selfish. She may need to see a therapist. Many women who give birth become depressed and lack the desire for sex. Maybe she doesn't find you attractive, or your daughter is more important to her than you are. I don't think you can continue your whole marriage like this. She is failing you as a wife. She at least owes you an answer as to why she no longer wants to have sex with you. If she won't try, you should file for divorce on the grounds that she has abandoned you,
2006-12-07 06:08:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes after a woman gives birth her homonial level changes and that could be affecting her, maybe she needs to check with her doctor...
If that is not the problem, maybe you need to create a romantic environment around the house, go to the adult video store and you guys explore and get some of the videos or toys and you can even go out on dates and let someone watch your little one for a night...
2006-12-07 07:19:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that you love your wife because of sex and not marriage.
Out of respect, perhaps you may want to talk to your wife and ask her what does she think, feel or what does she wants.
Perhaps her idea of sex is to have a family. Yes, she enjoy sex but she also enjoy your company and now that she has given birth, part of her love is shared with her daughter and you.
You don't need help from people like us @ Yahoo Answer, instead you may want to see a family planner, social worker or counsellor.
2006-12-07 06:06:45 · answer #9 · answered by Phillip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's my understanding that after some women give birth, their hormones change slightly. Sometimes it's more than slightly as well. This can have an effect on her sex drive.
I'm no expert, but has she spoken to her doctor about this? There could be something she could do to get back to the "good old times" you once had.
Good Luck!
2006-12-07 06:01:22 · answer #10 · answered by Lancer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋