I have been seeing this guy for 4 years off and on. Just this year I found out that one of the times that we were fighting and having problems about a year ago he had a onenight stand(supposibly) and she got pregnant. He never told me about this. For a whole year he lied to me. I left him when I found out but he begged, cried, pleaded and asked me to marry him,so I gave him another chance. We were doing okay til now, I just found out it is his kid(they had a paternity test and it came back positive). i don't knoew whatt to do, I feel so stupid, betrayed, ashamed, just horrible and I don't think I can see him the same again. I feel like i don't know who he is. i don't trust him and i can't believe a word he says. I don't know what to do, should I stay or should I go? Oh and to top it off now he has to pay child support which make me mad because I could use that money, he lives with me. Do you think we can make it work, will I ever forget? Please help.
2006-12-07 05:48:04 · 22 answers · asked by MEDINA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way, I don't think I am selfish for saying that I could use the money he has to pay for child suport. I have 3 kids of my own and I struggle. Also, he doesn't want anything to do with the baby, he doesn't even know it. He wants to give up his parental rights. I told him to be a man and be a part of his life (first kid for him) but he refuses and says he won't because I don't want anything to do with it. I know it is wrong but I will resent the baby even though it is not his fault, he represents the lies and the hurt that he has caused me. i have decided to leave him so that he can be with his kid but he won't leave me alone....
2006-12-07 06:35:31 · update #1
im sorry to have to tell you this but if he did all this before he met you it would be different but because he did this while you are together and knocked someone up all because you had a fight, you will never get over it and your feelings will grow into a stage of resentment in which you will eventually end up having an affair and in the end you are gonna be the tramp to him. And he is living with you, obviously he isnt enuf man for you. If i were you, i would seriously plan and start fantasizing about a new life.
2006-12-07 05:56:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had a fight. He slept with another woman. She got pregnant and had a child.
That is all that happened. He didn't do anything to you. She didn't do anything to you. This isn't about you at all.
I understand your feelings are hurt but really, if you love him that means you love him without conditions. You are supposed to be his biggest fan, his home base and his source of comfort and stability. You don't sound like that at all.
You forgave him for sleeping with her. He is not responsible for her actions. He does not need your forgiveness for anything beyond that one night stand.
Now, for the important aspect of this situation. The child. That child deserves to be loved and cared for by both his parents, and supported financially and emotionally, to the very best of both his parents abilities. If that means you eat hamburger instead of steak then suck it up and stock up on hamburger helper.
Whether or not you could use that money is beside the point. How selfish is a person who would take money from a baby?
If this is really the way you feel then please do bow out of the relationship now so that he can have one with his child and, whether you like it or not, he and the child's mother are connected for life.
If you can't deal with that in a mature manner, and accept the child into your life, with open arms and a smile that tells that child he is wanted and loved, then get out now before you do any damage.
This is a brutal situation for you, I get that, but you have to get that his child is the most important person in this scenario and there will come a day when you may have to ask for that child's forgiveness for the selfish and mean actions that you are about to commit. If you choose to stay with your man, it should be without strings and without guilt.
Think hard. Make a responsible choice.
2006-12-07 06:01:29 · answer #2 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are feeling this way now, that feeling will never go away. Trust me, I would just tell him to pack his things and leave. If he did it once, he'll do it again. And you having to struggle for his stupidity is just out of the question. You have to make scenarios in your head.. Like, if he didn't have the money, would he ask you to pay the child support? And woud you? How would that make you feel? Its just all around a bad scene, and you are better off without the drama.
2006-12-07 05:51:44 · answer #3 · answered by Bevin M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if you truley love him then stay. This will take a while to get use to. If you still feel that way in a month or two then say goodbye. People make mistakes. Im sure that he wasnt trying to get someone pregnant. Id be upset about the child support thing too. But why should an innocent child suffer.
2006-12-07 05:55:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
By your letter I can feel that you still love him and deep inside do not want to brake up with him...
So, think well what do you want from him. Do you want to get married with him? If "yes" sit strong with him and make plans for future, including his child, his financial stuff, maybe he should change his present job and get more money, maybe he has some ideas about improving the situation.
Well, if he doesn't have job at all, it shows that he is not a real man, just some boy, fooling around and using you and your life. Get read of him and move on as fast as you can. He will destroy all your life.
2006-12-07 05:52:29 · answer #5 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is the price you pay when you don't use protection. You should be more encouraging...what if you were in that woman's situation? I know it is difficult, but the mistake was made, and you have only two options, forgive which means play a supportive partner, or forget and move on and leave him alone to deal with the mess he created.
2006-12-07 06:42:24 · answer #6 · answered by E! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough one and only time will really tell. But if you dont trust him.....maybe you should try living apart...It might show you how you really feel. But trust is such a touchy issue. And the fact is you guys weren't together when this happened. But he shouldnt have lied to you. I would really suggest what I said earlier in this answer......live apart for a while. See how you feel being away, and see how you feel when you are with him.
2006-12-07 05:57:31 · answer #7 · answered by Just here. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT NOW!!!!! do you really want to stay with a guy that lies to you like that? and who's to say that he didnt actually cheat on you. he could be lieing and said that you were on a break when it happened just to get back together with you. and if you ask me, if he had sex with some girl bc you got into a fight, he's definately not a keeper. its not up to you to support his kid. get out of this harmful relationship and tell him if he's a man, he will be a real father to his kid.
2006-12-07 05:57:35 · answer #8 · answered by sandy_beaches 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I trully understand where you are coming from concerning the trust issue and not believeing anything he says. One major thing about marriage is TRUST and if you can't trust him anymore then you should leave. Because from experince, every argument that will happen will be surrounding this situation and until you are ready to forgive and forget then you should think twice about your future.
2006-12-07 05:54:30 · answer #9 · answered by kcarter0429 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all your relationship sounds all wrong to begin with! I mean on again off again should tell you you are not meant to be honey! And now your married and hurting! Get Out and Stay Away this time!!!
2006-12-07 05:52:05 · answer #10 · answered by Tammy R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋