We have been married for four dreadful years. He was married for 27 years and has brought all his baggage to the marriage.
How can I compete with 27 years ?
~He fell in love with me because I was bright and cheerful and different from his wife. He has crushed my spirit and cant accept that I am different from his ex wife.
I try and be the person he fell in love with, when i was single and he doesnt like it, yet he misses that person!
Help.
2006-12-06 05:45:27 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have to sit him down and have a serious talk with him. He needs to know how his actions are making you feel and you have to keep reinforcing it till it actually gets through to him.
I came out of a similar relationship earlier this year. He had been married for 30 years and was doing to me the things he should have done to keep his ex wife. He still can not see what he did wrong with me. He is a man after all.
Good luck, you will need it.
2006-12-10 05:24:53 · answer #1 · answered by Amanda K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHY THE HELL ARE YOU MAKING DO?
Don't you deserve better out of life? I was only with a person with 7 years and the same happened and I thought to myself one day that I needed better, not only for me but my kids. For him to walk into another relationship and start comparing you to ex it shows that he had never really got over that relationship and shouldn't even started your relationship until it was. Either separate so he can see what he has lost, or call it day even though it has been 27 years. All you have to think about is do you want another 27 years of it.
2006-12-08 17:19:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a very difficult situation. I was married to a man for four dreadful years as well. All the things that attracted him to me, became things he would later make fun of. I really don't know how you can handle this situation....the only way I could is, I told him I wanted a divorce and he was shocked by that fact. I came to the realisation (after much thought) that if I stayed in the relationship, it would ruin me forever....not to mention, it would have given our baby boy the wrong idea on how relationships should be.
2006-12-06 13:52:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, when it is an impossible situation, the very best thing is to cut your losses and go.
No-one in a relationship should have to "try" to be anything other than their normal self, which hopefully is kind and loving.
You should not be competing in any way with another wife. These comparisons are not helpful at all.
If he cannot love the real you, perhaps you should leave while there is still time to find another partner?
Good luck.
2006-12-06 13:56:10 · answer #4 · answered by simon2blues 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should only be in a relationship with someone who enhances you in some way. This guy obviously does the opposite so how can you be bright and cheerful. You don't say how he has crushed your spirit but I suggest you confront him with the fact he has done so and the way he has done it. If telling him does not create any changes then leave before he does any more emotional damage. Do not feel guilt - he has brought it on himself.
2006-12-06 13:58:02 · answer #5 · answered by D B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump the SOB. No matter how much money he has got, he is still an a rsehole.
Besides he's probably already been looking around for someone "bright and cheerful " again?
You don't want to spend a miserable christmas with a control freak do you?
2006-12-06 14:07:38 · answer #6 · answered by Not Ecky Boy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation to yours only mine was a control freak, and played mind games, you do not have to compete with his 27 years of marriage, Why not try and have a word with his ex-wife she won't bite your head off, in fact she was totally different from how he portrait her, I did and thinking back everything she said was true. Although not divorced my marriage lasted only 4 years, he played one mind game too many with me and it backfired on him.
This life is not a rehearsal you only get one shot so why be miserable and I can tell you if you don't do something now, what a miserable existence you have got to look forward to.
Good luck to you.
2006-12-06 14:03:02 · answer #7 · answered by st.abbs 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say he fell in love with you because you are bright and cheerful; why did you marry him? I think you need to get out of this marriage before it drags you down even further. It's a horrible situation to find yourself in, good luck, I hope you find a way through this.
2006-12-06 13:50:27 · answer #8 · answered by qurm_kim 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear. That is a lot of baggage. Have you guys tried seing a counselor? I hope eventually he will realize that you are not his ex-wife and that you guys can be happy together.
Ask him what he wants from you, plain and simple. He needs to stop sending you mixed signals!
2006-12-06 13:48:39 · answer #9 · answered by Aloe-ish-us 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you still love this spirit crusher? If so, tell him he has to make some changes or your outta there. If he has driven out any feelings of love from you, DTMF!!! Now! Life is too short to try to make people change if they don't want to change. Trust me, I've been there. You deserve more than this loser.
2006-12-06 13:52:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋