cheated on?

Question

ok so all of a sudden i am dealing all over again with my husband cheating on me (when we were dating) any advice on how to cope with it? i forgave him, but every time i get mad at him or cry, i think of how he hurt me when he cheated on me and i get mad.. (which happened before we got married not long ago)... shouldnt i be over it? will it make him want to cheat again?? if i bring it up again?

and no i never cheated on him i was an angel...

and i prayed about it too... but im not God i cant forgive andd all of a sudden forget...

Answer 1

I'm surprised you never got counselling before you went ahead and married this guy. Bringing it up during every argument is going to cause a rift between the two of you and it will only get worse. You both should seek marriage counselling. This marriage is headed for big problems.

Answer 2

No, no, no.
Just because you forgive him does not make you forget the fact. Cheating boyfriends do not necessarily make cheating spouses, the old saying of once a cheater always a cheater is not the rule of thumb here, he may have, subconsciously, been testing the relationship you had when he cheated and found your love for one another strong and by you two getting married after his infidelity showed him he does love you. You need to seek counseling on dealing with your anger and hostility toward him about his cheating on you prior to your marriage, this will help you cope with your feelings. You will eventual drive him away by your outbursts if you don't seek some type of help.

Answer 3

You should have gotten over it before you agreed to marry him. Sounds like you went into this marriage not knowing if you could trust him. And you say you forgave him but if you truly forgave him then you would not bring it up or throw it in his face every time you get upset. You should have asked your self before you got married. "Why did he cheat on me? And what has changed now that assures me that it wont happen again?" If you don't know the answers to those questions then chances are he will cheat again.

Answer 4

That happens. The best you can do is take it one day at a time. When you are feeling mad or hurt, try to seperate the current issue from the past and only deal with that. He should be understanding though. He betrayed you and that is not the sort of hurt that just goes away.

Answer 5

I had the same problem...if you've already forgiven him and you guys have talked through it, don't bring it up...it only makes the problem worse. But if you haven't told him how it made you feel, then you should. Then, don't bring it up just to hurt him. You've married and forgiven him, and that's the end of it. j

Whenever you start thinking or imagining his and that woman, immediately do something that keeps you occupied or think about something else. There's no point in being depressed over something that is over and done with.

Answer 6

take it from someone that did the same thing but opposite ppl it was me that cheated but the thing is i wasnt going out with my bf for that long like 3 days but i went to a friends house and did stuff with him. Well when i came back he asked me where i got this hicky on my neck and i said the vaccum did it and he knew i was lying but i didnt tell him the truth then after a while i told him the truth and since he liked me soooo much he forgave me but once in awhile i still think back and start crying also but then we talk about it and since he only wants me then i forget it and cuddle with him

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Answer 7

ohh..sweetheart..you will never just get over it...its always going to be in the back of your mind all the time not just when your upset..but has he been faithful since then? if so id try to let the past remain there as long as hes really fighting for your trust agan...but he needs to understand he really hurt you and this is not something that you can forget about and move on like it never happened..if it really still bothers you then maybe you should try starting over and acting like everything is brand new, give em another chance like you told him you would..but if you feel like nothing is changing..you deserve better and let him know that...maybe go get a little botty yourself:) and let em know how it feels.

Answer 8

You will never get over the fact that he cheated on you. You may put it out of your head for a while but it will always be in the back of your mind. I believe once a cheater always a cheater. Also once cheating goes on the intimacy level will never be what it once was. Move on or find a new di*k.

Answer 9

My husband has cheated on me, I never got over all three of them, I ask myself why am I with him if he does this to me? Theres this other user that wrote this last night, i really liked it. so I thought i would share it with you.
Third time? when will i ever learn??
Its the 3rd time you hurt me. its is the 3rd time you broke my heart. And i never seem to learn. Can u not see how much i love you. Maybe i might just die loving you and never learn or wake up from the pain u caused me. You can see the tears in my eyes and u don't ask me whats wrong ... why do i feel so much pain. Everytime i lie to my poor soul .. thinking someday u would change and stop cauing me so much pain. I don't blame u neither do i blame myself. But when will i learn..!

Answer 10

I do not understand.Why you choose to marry him?When he cheated on you prior to the wedding.Honestly I do not believe you have forgiven him.I think it consumes your life.always on your mind/in your heart.I honestly do not think the two of you have ever dealt with the hurt/pain.His cheating has caused.Because the two of you have never dealt with it. You are still living in the past/wanting answers.Reassurance that it will never happen again.I think you should go to your husband/get the answers you are looking for so that you can forgive him/put it in the past/move on in your life together.If you can not put it in the past.Then your marriage is doomed to fail.