My boyfriend is married. he said he was trapped in this marriage of 20+ yrs due to his love for his kids. We met since he works in a different country and his family never adjusted. So he is in the country by himself and I worked with him. He is going to travel next week to brake it to his family that he wants a divorce. He hasn't had sex with his wife in over 8 months. He even went to meet my parents and told them that he promised to come back to put a ring on my hand. I feel bad and do not know if is ok to love him so much knowing he is going to break up his family (I know that i am not the cause of this), We didn't choose this it just happened to us, and I know he is honest with me. Do you think that maybe he would have made a different decision if he hadn't met me? HELP!
2006-12-06 05:08:01 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I also want to say that my boyfriend is in his early 50's and he says he doen't want to be unhappy during the late part of his life now that his kids are all grown up.
2006-12-06 05:26:03 · update #1
He probably wouldn't leave his wife if he hadn't met you ... and that's a bad thing, you helped him face reality. Being in a loveless marriage is miserable for everyone involved. Including the kids, he has unintentionally hurt them because they know they have indirectly made him unhappy for 20+ years. And kids know when their parents love each other or don't love each other, they're not as naive as their parents think. They don't want to live in a fantasy world anymore than the adults do.
If he is being honest to you and really has felt trapped in this marriage for so long, then you should absolutely stay with him. Just talk to him and tell him that you are concerned about it.
The only thing is to be careful not to let his kids know he found you right away. That may make them feel resentful towards/betrayed by him because he was so quick to replace their mother.
2006-12-06 05:39:16 · answer #1 · answered by Vic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was also in a marriage that was going no where. We were high school sweethearts. We married young, had a child and expected to make it. After three years of marriage it came to a point where I realized things were not going to work. I started seeing another woman while I was still married and also promised her that I was going to leave my wife for her. She stuck by me through my divorce and it took me a long time to commit to her. I decided to stay single for awhile, afraid of rushing into another relationship. I dated other women and still she supported me. We have been married now for nine years and have two children together, and I would never think of leaving her. So things can work out. Just realize that it might not be as easy as it seems.
2006-12-06 05:25:27 · answer #2 · answered by SNKBYT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun, i am so sorry you are going through this. I just want to say one thing really fast about it. How would you feel? Okay now that's said, you can't help who you fall in love with. If you know someone is taken, try to keep it friends only if you can. It sounds like his divorce was a long time coming, but i would never be involved with someone while married. Tell him that you wish hiim the best, and if and when he's divorced, to contact you then. His poor kids are going to go through ALOT in the next months, he needs to be free from anything outside, so he can be with them, and help them through this. If its that you are meant to be with him and him with you, after all this is said and done, you'll find your way back to each other. Give him the space that he doesn't see he is going to need, to be with his kids and help them in this time. :) You'll be a better, stronger person for that.
2006-12-06 05:12:08 · answer #3 · answered by Brook 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you willing to compramise his family? Staring a relationship with him is actualy making this decision for him. Remember the long term effects on one after the brake-up of a family. Remember what happern to childern whoses fathers are not around them to grow them in the right way. Do you want to cause this?
His family may be experiencing a rough time like all familes do. Encourage him to work out the matter. Besides, if he is willing to leave his wife of 20+yrs just like that, your relationship with him may not be all 'sparkles' as it may seem now. . May be he sees you as a opportunity to escape his situation which may not b e the best thing to do. Remember the choice is yours. You have no reason to leave you boyfriend who may love you more than man, don't leave him.
2006-12-06 05:23:56 · answer #4 · answered by Dr Knight M.D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should have thought about all of this before you got involved with a married man! But, why would you want him to leave his family for you and what makes you think he won't do the same thing to you later on? I'd break up with him. If he comes back divorced and wanting to get back together then maybe you mean more to him than a booty call. But I would still be hesitant.
2006-12-06 05:14:09 · answer #5 · answered by Aloe-ish-us 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's not your fault. No this has nothing to do with you. He said he has been traped for 20 yrs! He is in love with you. My adopted cousin fell in love with a married man and he remarried her.He's faithful to her.They've been together for 10 yrs.
Oh, I seen a lot for unhappy business guys, I know this one(I believe is having an affair ) he's been married for 30 yrs, he spends most of his time in Germany away from his wife. When there together, I can see it's torcher for this guy, his wife weighs like 200 more pounds than when they first got married. But not my business to confirm it, when the adult kids ask!
2006-12-06 05:13:59 · answer #6 · answered by Monet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact is that he did meet you. He has a path, and he is following it. You are simply taking him in a direction, though you are not his destiny. It is purely fate that he fell in love with you, and he has chosen to follow one path instead of the other. This is just another decision, just like you choose weather to wear pants or a skirt in the morning. The only thing that makes decisions big, is their obvious concequences. If the concequences are not obvious, the decision is not large. Having said this, no decision is larger than another universally. You only infer the results of some decisions more than others.
That was alot of philosophy...I hope it made sense to you...and helped :)
2006-12-06 05:16:04 · answer #7 · answered by Katelyn P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think, after 20+ yrs, he would have divorced his wife without you. I don't understand why you think it matters though. Sounds like, if he really is going to go through with it, he found a reason that was good enough to finally end it. Just make sure you get a copy of certificate of dissolution so you know for sure it's a done deal.
2006-12-06 05:14:35 · answer #8 · answered by Bert 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if it wasn't you it could have been someone else. If someone is looking for something else thats just it they are looking, you happened to be there and now you are in love. If it is his choice to leave his wife and kids than so be it, be sympathetic to their situation im sure its not easy. If he is truly serious about this relationship with you thats fine but just be prepared once a cheater always a cheater and im sorry to say that right now you are the other woman and yes he is cheating on his wife.
2006-12-06 05:12:03 · answer #9 · answered by So Happy!! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know they don't got good names for women like you because your breaking up a family yeah he tells you that he don't want to be with his wife but he only telling you what you want to hear i mean he is not trap he can leave her any time he want there is a such thing is a divorce you know.
you think your the victim but your not his wife is she the one is getting cheated on.
what thinks he be good to you i mean once a cheat always a cheat..
you should think about his kids and what your going to do to them .
go find a single man and cut this guy lose.
i feel so sorry for the wife and his kids not you.
i mean put your self in the wife shoes and think about it for once i mean imagine you have not seen you husband for awhile and he comes home to you to tell you that he leaving you for another woman and you have to tell you kids that daddy is never coming back and see them kids cry for their daddy how would you feel.
if loved his kids as much as he say he does then why he with you and not them don't make no sense to me.
2006-12-06 05:24:39 · answer #10 · answered by Ms. Rockstar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋