I am mother of four and two week ago my husband ask me for a divorce. What a girl to do?

Question

I am a mother of four (ages 2, 4, 8, & 14) married for 13 years and known for 20 years. My husband is the only man I ever been with. We started dating in high school and then got married after college at age 25 & 26. Two weeks ago my husband told me, he is dating someone else and would like to marry her and ask me for divorce. I have been crying for all two weeks now don't know what to do. I am numb, I have no feeling felt in me. I have reached my lowest point in life. My husband is telling me he don't want me and I am still begging him not to leave me and our children, but all I get shout and scream. I love so much, and he knows it. How can I face my children, when I can't accept what me my husband is telling me. I want to be strong for my children when we tell them. I am so heart broken, what a girl to do. This is the christmas season, and I am so depress. I stop eating and I can't sleep. What a christmas this will be. HELP HELP

Answer 1

I read all your responses, hon, and I'll go with get mad, get tough, get some counseling, get an attorney,and get a ton of cash for child support and alimony. $hit happens, and it happens to all of us. And this is a christmas you won't have warm thoughts about. But you'll be fine, hon. You're tougher than you think.....

Answer 2

at this point, there is no easy way to put an end to the pain you are in. Even if he agreed to stay, you will have this pain because of the affair. You must accept that the pain has moved into your heart and will be with you for a while.

Don't feel desperate. If he really wants to leave his wife and children then he is a total SCUM and you need to hold your head high.

Focus on your children and try to make this a nice holiday for them. Keep busy and ignore your husband if you can, just keep doing what you need to for the kids.

As long as you beg him and fuss at him, he is in control. STOP and don't say another word. That gives you the power.

Answer 3

Same story for me except it happened a year ago. Consider counseling for your emotions, it can help. As far as your spouse, don't beg or say you love them, that tends to push them away. Get your finances together and seek some legal advice. Take it slow and spend time with family and friends. It's tough being alone during the holidays. Make yourself number one in your life. Workout, shop, or do something that makes you happy. The not eating and sleeping will pass. The crying will pass.

Make sure he is taking care of his responsibilities (Kids). A dose of child support effects any man no matter how good or bad they have been. Give it some time and get yourself together. Give him some space. Always be optimistic even if it hurts more than anything because your kids will feed off your emotions. There are no guarantees at this point. But prayer never hurts.

Good Luck and I hope things work out for you.

Answer 4

This is not about Christmas. You can be there for the children if you choose to be. They are the most important thing right now....they will always remember how you handled this...be a big person...get your stuff together...your husband has made his choice and you can't change it...stop making a fool of yourself...pull it together and realize this is going to happen and do it well......the best thing you can do is act like you could care less what he does...that will make him nuts...he is not going to have any money after child support and alimony and she is not going to love having a broke man with 4 kids...get a grip...she'll dump him...if not he will have so much guilt if you start acting like a respectable together woman that he will never be a great lover/husband/provider....be strong! Men are so weak and women who cheat with married father's of 4 are not a catch!

Answer 5

YES, I DO know what you are going through -- and the SPECIAL CRUELTY that it takes to get served with Divorce Papers Just Before or right on Christmastime.

MY OWN EX did the same thing -- he filed and I got Served with the Divorce Papers at Christmas -- but given that I already had mentally moved on (he was abusive and violent, and I was filing the police reports each time), he was already living with another (and the sick jerk stole MY rings and gave them to the (garden utensil) that he was living with, and then he TRIED everything possible to bring me down -- but you know what ...

YOU already have the answer -- you got married after College (so you are bright AND have a future), you know you can Work (and I HAVE DEFINITELY worked all through the short disaster of a marriage), and make a GOOD income, so ...

Just REALIZE this -- YOU are ALREADY STRONG - - and ... you DESERVE BETTER than this jerk -- who was NOT EVEN HONEST with the (garden utensil) that he was sleeping with/dating the entire time -- and only NOW he is going through divorce?

Believe me -- this is for the BEST -- and the BEST years of your life are to come -- and that HE can NO LONGER affect you because ...

YOU WILL NOT LET HIM CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS or MOODs or anything else!

YOU have feelings, and you are NOT at the lowest -- the lowest was when he was going behind your back and sleeping around/dating. USE that information to your advantage during the Divorce Proceeding!

DO take care of yourself, and that means EAT, Sleep, take care of your children, and MAKE a LIFE for yourSELF and your Children -- and that is what you need to do now.

Answer 6

Kids will not keep a man home. Love keeps ppl together. It is possible that because you two were so young when you started dating, you two could have outgrown eachother. As ppl age they develop into totally different ppl than what they once were as kids in H.S. or college. As much as it hurts, you cannot make someone love you if they don't. Seek out help from others whom you trust and love for emotional support. With four kids and 13 yrs of marriage, you should be set financially with child support and alimony. Recovering will be a process. Do not let divorce turn you bitter.

Answer 7

I know it is hard but your husband checked out of the marriage a long time ago. Don't let him take your children. You have to think about the kids. You do not want him getting custudy of your kids... Do you have any ideal what amount of money you will recieve for childsupport for the kids. Now that is what it is all about now.
Most of the time who ever gets the kids keeps the home. You need to get you a lawyer as soon as possible. Once a cheat always a cheat. I can garantee you that he has already talked with a lawyer.
You had to have known something wasn't right.. Now start thinking with your head and fight for your kids or you will be the one who will be paying out of your A$$ for childsupport and beleive you do not want to be the one who is paying.

Make sure he hasn't cleaned out your savings and checking accounts. give yourself a early Christmas present (A LAWYER) beg borrow or sale everything you have and fight for your kids and home.

Answer 8

yes it was christmas time 3 years ago, yes i too was numb, blamed myself, , he laughed at me when i begged him to come home, had no idea he knew her for awhile and had planned and plotted all this. well true it does take time to get over the hurt, we do fear the future and the unknown, i too could not accept it, kept waiting for him to come throught the door, kept waiting to wake up from the bad dream, but it was real, and i had to accept it or stay in denial.this has nothing to do with you, it does not define who u are. this is about him, and some predator woman who wants what u have, and will get it any way she can. stop asking him to come back, stop begging, show him u have your self rspect, show him u have confidence. there is nothing you can do or say to change his mind on this. the more u try the more hurt u will get, you can't reach him. if he wants the other woman, than she has given him an ultamitium, and doesn't intend to stick around and be the other woman,as some do. you need to file first, get a support order,make him move, cause he will anyway, keep your self respect. the sweeter u are to him, the more she has to loose, the nastier u are to him, the more justified he will feel about what he has done. not real easy to be nice to a husband who has betrayed you. i would file first before he does, so he doesn't file for custody, as i would think it will be quite expensive for him to have to pay child support for 4 children. he may try to get custody, so get to the attorney first. you will be in pain for awhile, a process that we have to just allow to be. to add insult to you in addition to the cheating, he now tells u he don't want you, thought i was the only one who had such a cruel husband. anyway we have no control over anyone, he will magnify all your bad points, and justify this to protect himself, and he will put her on a pedistole, nothing much we can do but leave with our dignity. usually divorce would be the last thing one would do especially when kid's are involved, but with the betrayal, he rejected you and told you point blank he didn't want u and wanted to marry her. that takes someone who has no character or concious at all, what he said to u was totally unneccessary, and something he did not need to share with you. he means to hurt u, and strip you of your self worth, and confidence, well don't let him, be there for your kids, and sock it to him financially.

Answer 9

Look first of all, please do not beg him! If he's moved on and even considered "marrying" the person who he was having the affair with then what kind of father will that make for your children? Not an honest one thats for sure.If this was the only man you were with how do you know if you have not missed a really trully beautiful human being who has been waiting for you? Let him leave. Get yourself to the doctor and ask him for help, being either medication to get you through and/or a therapist to talk too. Pick yourself up for your children!! What would you say to your daughter if Her husband had cheated on her, been with someone else and left her and her kids. Would you just tell her ?????? let her cry away??? No !! You tell her to be strong for her kids and that everything will be okay. You can do it! Go to your local child support office to get the financial help you need if you are a stay at home mother, they will give you the DA to defend you in court throughout your child support case and take him for spousal support since you were married for 13yrs, plus if he has any sort of pension or ira they will have to give you half! If his girlfriend works and he does get married then your support will go up because his take home income will be more than what he makes and will have to pay you a higher amount. This all will get you on your feet. Put you and your kids in a safer financial state. Youre kids are going to react of course but this is where you have to put yourself aside for the moment and just think of them. Do not let HIS actions destroy you and them. Be stronger, talk to someone, let your children talk to someone. When all the caos settles down and your children have gone through the intial shock then do a lot of YOU time, take care of you, inside and out for your sake and theirs (kids). Tell the kids daddys on work time.Let them enjoy their holidays. When Christmas is over then you should talk to them, with or without your exhusband.He did not think of them when he did what he's done so really it should be you.Dont speak badly about the childrens father, as much as you would like too, they will end up realizing what kind a person and father he really is. Leave the total truth to be "understood" at a later more mature age as it will only devestate and/or destroy their little minds right now. Good luck to you, my heart goes out to you and your family. Be strong and god bless. Take care. If you wish to talk any time please feel free to email me. take care.

Answer 10

First, your husband is a bastard, so, actually, be happy ylou're rid of the scumbag. Eventually, you'll feel it. FInd the best attourney you can so that at least you'll have the financial means to take care of the children. You should both see a marriage counselor so that you can figure out how best to tell your children about it. Besides, why would you want someone who wants someone else? God, you're still young. You deserve better. You should kick him out of the house and have him explain to the kids what is going on.

Answer 11

Your husband is a loser, you deserve better.

That being said, get an attorney ASAP. You have rights for alimony and child support. As far as your kids go, do not bad mouth their father to them. Just tell them that Mom and Dad are no longer married and it is not their fault. I have a funny feeling your 14 year old will pick up right away. Take the high road, and your kids will appreciate you. They will realize what kind of pathetic waste of life your husband is.